I have to admit it, the last few weeks, I’ve hit the tipping point. I’m overwhelmed. To be perfectly honest, I’m completely and totally freaked out.
Why?
Well, to start. I’m realizing my dream – and I don’t want to blow it. I’ve wanted to publish a book since the third grade. And, I’m doing it. June 1 will be here in one short week. I have this sick feeling in my stomach. It’s like being 10 years old and having butterflies before my piano recital, only worse.
A year ago, I wondered when I would ever get a publishing date from Cook. Six months ago, June 1 seemed like an eternity. But not now. Believe it or not, I want more time. I’m just not ready.
There is so much more I need to do. I had intended to visit more bookstores, join Twitter, write letters, and contact friends of friends and influencers of influencers. Then I got busy. Spring arrived. The kids’ schedules got crazy. I overcommitted and underestimated. Things at work became more demanding than usual.
I said to Doug last week, “I just can’t do it all. There aren’t enough hours in a day.”
He replied, “I know. That’s what your book is about, remember?”
I really hate it when he's right.
So I emailed my agent, Rachelle. After all, she’s seen first-time authors in action before. Maybe she could even give me some tips so I wouldn’t freak out.
Her response? Freaking out is normal. It’s even healthy. In fact, she said she would be worried about me if I wasn’t freaking out.
Thank God it’s ok to freak out.
When I look back over the important decisions in life – getting married, having kids, settling into a career – I’ve never been truly “ready.” The unknown frankly scares me, and I freak out when I don’t have control.
Freaking out also has a way of bringing me to my knees. After all, who needs God when you already have things under control?
Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)
3 comments:
Susan, how exciting that your first book is due out in one week. Despite the busyness, enormous To-do list, and stress, I hope you're able to savor the experience.
I'd love to see a picture of you holding YOUR book with YOUR name on the cover and you wearing an enormous grin. Any chance you'll post one?
Yes, freaking out is okay. Sometimes for me it's the action that must take place in order for the dust to settle and me to see where my energies must be focused. Freak on, breathe deep and ride the wave. It's gonna be a ton of fun!
I am having much fun -- and great idea on a post of the picture. I'll work on that!
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