The Devil Is In the Details!

 
I’m not a stickler for details.  I’m your big-picture girl.  It’s all about the ideas.  (And I’ve got some pretty big ideas.)  Someone else can be in charge of the minutia.

Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re talking about an inborn personality trait.  Let’s face it, there are some characteristics we are just born with.

A long time ago, I learned that there are two kinds of people.  Lumpers and Splitters.

In psychological terms, Lumpers see similarities instead of differences – we “lump” our thoughts together.  Lumpers focus on the overall goal and roll over the details. We assign categories in our brains broadly.
 
Not so for Splitters.  Splitters see differences.  And they assign new categories in their brains based on these differences, which means they tend to spot important issues but sometimes go off on tangents.  And we need both kinds of people to make our workplaces (and our homes) thrive. 

I’m a Lumper, which is good news and bad news. 

I always like to give the good news first:

• I don’t stress over the details. 
• I can usually see the big picture.
• I don’t mind delegating the little stuff.
• I focus on getting it done, it doesn’t have to be perfect!

Here’s the bad news.

• Sometimes, I move too fast.
• I get impatient with splitters.
• Missing details can result in mistakes.
• Even though I don’t mind delegating, my “ideas” are usually pretty darn specific (and I expect others to read my mind since I don’t labor over details).

A former boss once scolded me, “Susan, the Devil is in the details!”

I felt like shouting back to her, “No, the Devil is the details!”

Besides, that’s what Splitters are for.  (Have I mentioned that I am married to a Splitter?)

Tuesday Tip: Freaking Out Is Normal

I have to admit it, the last few weeks, I’ve hit the tipping point.   I’m overwhelmed.   To be perfectly honest, I’m completely and totally freaked out.

Why?

Well, to start.  I’m realizing my dream – and I don’t want to blow it.  I’ve wanted to publish a book since the third grade.  And, I’m doing it.  June 1 will be here in one short week.  I have this sick feeling in my stomach.  It’s like being 10 years old and having butterflies before my piano recital, only worse.

A year ago, I wondered when I would ever get a publishing date from Cook.  Six months ago, June 1 seemed like an eternity.  But not now.  Believe it or not, I want more time.  I’m just not ready.

There is so much more I need to do.  I had intended to visit more bookstores, join Twitter, write letters, and contact friends of friends and influencers of influencers.  Then I got busy.  Spring arrived.  The kids’ schedules got crazy.  I overcommitted and underestimated.  Things at work became more demanding than usual.

I said to Doug last week, “I just can’t do it all. There aren’t enough hours in a day.”

He replied, “I know. That’s what your book is about, remember?”

I really hate it when he's right. 

So I emailed my agent, Rachelle.  After all, she’s seen first-time authors in action before.  Maybe she could even give me some tips so I wouldn’t freak out.

Her response?  Freaking out is normal.  It’s even healthy.  In fact, she said she would be worried about me if I wasn’t freaking out.

Thank God it’s ok to freak out. 

When I look back over the important decisions in life – getting married, having kids, settling into a career – I’ve never been truly “ready.”  The unknown frankly scares me, and I freak out when I don’t have control.
Freaking out also has a way of bringing me to my knees.  After all, who needs God when you already have things under control?

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.  2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

Tuesday Tip: Buy Ready-Made Pizza Dough

Most moms can’t say no.  Given this fact, we need to to cut corners.

Have you ever signed up for something (aka you can’t say no), and the night before, you realize you’re in over your head?

I feel your pain.

Last Friday, Nick’s third grade class had a multi-cultural celebration at lunch.  Each child was asked to bring a food, to celebrate his or her heritage.  Nick wanted me to make spaghetti and meatballs, but even I thought this sounded a bit much.  So I agreed to make homemade pizza instead.

How hard could it be?  I would make the dough the night before in the bread machine, and I could bake the pizza in the morning before school.  Sounds easy.  Right?

On Thursday night at 7:30 p.m., I decided to get started.  Then, one of my neighbors came over and we started talking.  Before I knew it, I had lost track of how much flour I had put in the dough.  Oh well, I thought to myself.  No one will know the difference.

At 10:00 p.m. my dough was as hard as a rock.  It hadn’t risen.  So I freaked out and started complaining.  “I can’t do it all around here!  And I don’t have a spare moment to myself!”

Doug saw that I was about to crack.  So he ran to the store and bought more flour and yeast.  At 11:00 p.m. it was back to the drawing board.  I quickly whipped up a new batch of dough, but the bread machine started freaking out on me.  So I had to hold the pan in place –by hand -- while the dough mixed. 

The morning arrived sooner than usual.  Shelly and I met to run at 6:30 a.m., and by the time I got the kids ready for school it was time for my 8:00 a.m. conference call.  I still hadn’t showered, let alone rolled out the pizza dough.

So during, after, and in-between my next three conference calls, I made pizza.  One of my clients could hear the background noise and asked me, “What are you doing, Susan?”

“I’m making a pizza,”  I told her.  “It’s the third grade lunch multicultural celebration, and Nick needs to bring a homemade dish.”

She responded, “Haven’t you ever heard of the word no?  And if you can’t say no, just buy ready-made pizza dough.  That’s what the rest of us do.”

It’s a fair point.  I really should have bought the pizza dough.  Especially when I hit a brick wall with round two.  Sometimes, working moms just like to make life harder – and we forget to cut some obvious corners.  We want everything to be perfect, and we lose our sanity in the process!

So, my Tuesday Tip this week is simply this:  don’t try to do it all.  When in doubt, buy ready-made pizza dough!

Tuesday Tip: Family Meeting Worth The Effort

I've never been very good at discipline.  And I’ve never been a big fan of too many rules.  But lately, the kids have been especially unruly.  Call it Spring Fever, but sometimes I feel like I’m talking to the wall.  Are my kids even listening?  Something had to be done, so Doug called a family meeting.

At first I was skeptical.  Would the kids even take us seriously?  As parents, we’ve been guilty of not following through with chores, charts, and consequences.  Would this be any different?

To start, the kids were stone quiet.  Their eyes were wide open as we started the meeting, and you could hear a pin drop as everyone took turns talking.  By the end of the meeting, Abby was giving everyone orders and repeating the messages loud and clear.  No more trash on the floor.  Don’t forget to brush your teeth.  Make your bed.  Don’t scream Mom’s name at the top of your lungs.  Clean your plate.  Say thank you and please.

Two weeks have since passed, and we probably need to have another family meeting.  But I’ll have to say, we’ve also seen improvement.  The kids have been much more intentional about doing their chores and homework.  Reminders have been less frequent.  Attitudes are more positive. 

Sometimes we all need to regroup, and I’ll have to say – the family meeting was worth the effort.  Have you tried a family meeting and, if so, has it worked?  How do you keep your kids’ attention and teach them to stay on course, especially when they have Spring Fever?

Tuesday Tip – Green Shakes Give Energy!

Working moms need energy.  Which is why I recently added green shakes to my diet.

I learned a few things when I was laid up at the spa in Utah.  What did I learn?  To start, I learned how to make yummy green shakes.  And you can’t even taste the spinach.

My sisters, Mona and Janie, dragged me to a cooking class the morning after my tooth extraction.  I really wasn’t that excited – given that I was unable to chew or digest food, the last thing I wanted to do was go to a cooking class – but I was getting a little tired of the four walls of my hotel room.  When we arrived at the class, I was pleasantly surprised to see green shakes on the menu.  This is how I know God has a sense of humor.  He dragged me all the way to Utah, just to teach me how to make the perfect drink right when I needed it the most.

Needless to say, it hit the spot.  Never mind that I hadn’t eaten anything in 24 hours.  This was pure heaven (not to mention the secondary but equally fabulous health benefits).

Here’s the recipe, as best as I can remember (and, yes, I’ve been making them on a regular basis – even Abby thinks they are delicious).

• 1/3 spinach (as you get brave, you can more spinach as well as parsley, mint, or anything green and leafy)
• 2/3 frozen fruit (I’ve found that bananas, pineapple, and mango work best with spinach)
• apple cider (or apple juice)
• a dash of real vanilla extract (this is the secret ingredient)

Put the spinach in first and add the other ingredients in order.  Enjoy!

Are you brave enough to try a green shake?

Plan B: Doing Nothing

I'm not very good at doing nothing.  I can work, take care of kids, exercise, and juggle a pretty full social schedule.  But I can’t do nothing.

Why do I hate doing nothing?  I’m not sure.  Maybe I have an inflated view of my time.  Maybe I forget that, while time is precious, eternity is forever.  Maybe I’m just a stressed-out maxed-out person who is unable to relax.

In any event, I have never – in my entire life - planned to do nothing.  So, when I was laid up at a spa in Utah, doing nothing caught me completely off guard.

In short, I don’t know how to do nothing! 

Could it be that God was trying to teach me something about doing nothing?  After all, isn’t God the one who tells us, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10) (emphasis mine)

Being still is not my nature.  Plan A was supposed to involve lots of activity – hiking, biking, running, and even writing.  From my perspective, my toothache was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But Plan B forced me to be still.  Plan B forced me to do nothing.  Maybe (just maybe) I was at the right place at the right time.

I learned a few things from doing nothing.   Doing nothing forces you to rest.  It forces you to slow down.  And it forces you appreciate the fact that most days, you don’t have to do nothing – you can do something.

Have you ever learned anything from doing nothing?

Tuesday Tip: Don’t Ignore A Toothache

Do you ever tend to ignore a problem, just because you don’t want to deal with it?  If you’re like me, you don’t have “time” to deal with the little things in life – like a toothache.

My tooth (the one just extracted in Utah) had been bothering me – on and off -- for almost 7 years!  But, like usual, I put off dealing with it because I had more important things to do.

That’s right, almost 7 years ago I had a root canal, and my dentist told me, “This tooth is really on the brink, you should go and see a specialist.”  In fact, I was just at the dentist last month and I told my dentist that my unruly tooth was acting up again.

Why didn’t I just deal with it?  I had a myriad of excuses.  I don’t have time.  I hate going to the dentist.  It’s really not that bad.  Maybe it will go away. I can live with it.

Of course, it didn’t go away.  It escalated.  Nothing like waiting for a full-blown crisis to take action.  After all, why take care of today what you can put off until tomorrow?

Could I have saved my tooth if I had been proactive?  I’ll never know.  Going forward, I just have to learn from my mistakes.  When the warning signs are present – like here, when my body is telling me something is wrong – I really can’t sweep it under the carpet just because I’d rather do better things with my time.

Do you find that you put off those “little things” in life that seem unimportant and even annoying?  If so, you may want to act now.  Maybe you can nip it in the bud.  Maybe you can avoid a full-blown crisis.

My Tuesday Tip for the week is simply this:  Don’t ignore a toothache!

Too Much Lemonade – More On Plan B

Is God really looking out for my best interest, or is he a cruel cosmic giant who wants to see how far he can push me?  Yeah, I know I’ve written that we should just make lemonade out of lemons when things don’t go as planned, but I’ve had enough of Plan B this month.  And I’m not talking about a birthday cake falling over in the trunk of my car.
What am I talking about?  Here’s the short version (details will follow in blogs to come).

Plan A
Plan A was supposed to be the perfect spa weekend with my sisters in the mountains of Utah.  We haven’t had a sisters-only weekend in over 10 years!  And when Amy (my middle sister) turned 50, she planned an all-inclusive spa getaway at a fabulous price.  We’d been looking forward to this trip for weeks.  Hiking.  Biking.  Mountains.  Exercise classes.  Gourmet health food.

I planned to exercise, eat well, enjoy nature, and even have time to write!  Plus, I would be with my four best friends in the world – my four big sisters – what could go wrong?

Plan A Plan B
Enter Plan B.  Life is full of the unexpected.  On the departing flight, an old root canal started acting up.  After landing and spending a few days with Amy in Vegas, it didn’t get better – it got worse.  It’s mind over matter, I told myself.  I can get through this, and I’m not going to let a sore tooth ruin my weekend. 

As we drove to the spa in Utah, the pain became excruciating.  I kid you not, the pain of a abscess tooth is akin to the pains of childbirth.  Four mother hens (aka older sisters) took over and insisted that I see a dentist.  I couldn’t stop thinking --this isn’t happening to me.  Not here.  Not now. This isn’t what I had in mind, God.  What happened to Plan A?

Plan B was in full motion.  My first day at the spa was spent in the dentist chair, not the mountains.  After having my tooth pulled, I wasn’t hiking or biking.  I was on my back.  I wasn’t eating or drinking.  I was icing.  And after becoming completely and totally nauseated from the codeine, I was lucky to keep a little water down.

Sometimes, it’s pretty tough to make lemonade out of lemons.  A failed birthday cake is one thing, but who can find the silver lining in a tooth extraction?
Do you ever find yourself asking God, Can’t we just ditch Plan B?

Making Lemonade Out Of Lemons

Have you ever made lemonade out of lemons?

That’s exactly what I did with Nick’s birthday cake.  In response to Friday’s contest, the correct answer is D!  (Congrats to Allison Poor for the first to post the correct answer!)That’s right, I put the top of the cake back on and served it to my guests.  And everyone loved it!

No, it didn’t look appetizing.  Yes, I was tempted to throw it away (or pawn it off on the guy in the parking lot).  But I didn’t.  I just couldn’t.  So I wiped my mounting tears, proudly carried the cake (messy fingers and all) into the restaurant and never looked back.  And it wasn’t just good cake.  It was great cake – a special recipe from the Dominican Republic, made by a dear friend. 

Plus, I learned yet another lesson in perseverance.  Lots of days, I feel a lot like that cake -- I’m barely holding it together, the middle is about to fall out, and if I hit another bump in the road I know I’m going to crack.  Then I start second guessing myself just because things don’t look pretty on the outside.  Why didn’t I plan in advance?  Did I really think I was going to be able to pull this off?  I’m spreading myself way too thin. 

One thing’s for sure.  I couldn’t go back and re-make the cake.  It was time for Plan B.  In fact, I’m firmly convinced that half of life is accepting where we’re at and moving on to Plan B.  And we certainly don’t have to act like everything is fine. 

Besides, Plan B usually has its own benefits.  I bonded with a few of those parents at Nick’s birthday party – yeah, we even had a few good laughs.  Would we have had as much fun if I walked in with a perfect birthday cake, totally put together?  I think not.  I’m probably forever tagged as the crazed mom with the messy birthday cake, but I’d rather be authentic than put on a show.  They got to see the real me.

And the real me is known to make lemonade out of lemons!  Have you ever discovered the benefits (and the humor) in Plan B?

For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. –Jeremiah 29:11

Ten Tips For Moms With Sick Kids

It’s that time of year again.  Someone is always sick.  Colds.  Fever.  Flu.  Sinus Infections.  Strep.  More flu.

It’s a vicious cycle, and if you’re a working mom or juggle a busy schedule, it can feel like Spring will never arrive.   Here are some tips I’ve learned along the way (and, yes, I’ve learned most of them the hard way).

Tip #1  Expect the unexpected.
Murphy’s Law rules.  Your kids will get sick at the worst possible time.  For me, it’s usually when I’m headed out of town, have a presentation the next morning, or have a household of guests about to arrive.   I’ve learned just to roll with the punches and never be surprised.

Tip #2  Get over it.
I’ve never met a kid who doesn’t get sick.  You have kids.  Your kids will get sick.  This is your life, so get used to it.  Of course, this doesn’t mean that you can’t vent to your girlfriends (or fellow bloggers) for some good old-fashioned empathy.  But once you vent, it’s time to get over it!

Tip #3  Have a back-up plan.
If you expect the unexpected, you can also be prepared with a back-up plan.  A flexible spouse.  A trusty neighbor.  A portable office.  A willing stranger (just kidding).  The possibilities are limited, so you need to plan in advance.  I don’t have immediate family in town, so I try to be prepared to work at home at a moment’s notice.

Tip #4  Be creative.
Who says you can’t be two places at once?  With modern technology, you can be just about anywhere online.  (For those of you who teach or work in the medical professional, I’m a bit stumped, but I’m sure you have some creative solutions of your own.)  The bottom line is you need to think outside the box.  Be flexible.

Tip #5  Keep your professional life professional.
My clients don’t want to hear about how I was up cleaning vomit all night when they call me for legal advice.  Similarly, your co-workers and professional colleagues don’t necessarily want to hear about how you are wigged out, germ infested, and sleep deprived.   Now, I realize I’m the queen of TMI and probably have no business telling others to be discreet (after all, my whole life is posted on a blog and in my book), but hear me out on this.  There’s a time and place for everything.

Tip #6  Don’t blame your kids.
It’s not your kids’ fault they are sick.  In fact, it’s nobody’s fault.  Sick happens.  So resist the urge to say things like, “It’s too bad we have to cancel the party tonight” or “Everyone at the office is going to be mad I’m not at the meeting.”  After all, you don’t want them to feel any worse.

Tip #7  Spend quality time together.
If you’re going to be at home with your kids, count the time as a blessing.  Read books together.  Watch old movies.  Rent a movie.  Sit and talk.  Take a nap together.  Set up a nursing station with water and a thermometer.  The bottom line is let them know you care.  It’s time together, so take advantage of it. 

Tip #8  Break the rules.
You’re in survival mode.  The rules are out the door.  This is no time to ban junk food or TV.  Your kids need to be hydrated, and they need to be comfortable.  So if they want to eat popsicles for breakfast and watch TV all day, I let them.  And don’t deprive yourself in the process.  Get that extra shot in your latte, have a little chocolate, and don’t count calories.  You can all resume to normal (whatever that is) when the kids are well.

Tip #9  Recognize when (and why) they’re faking it.
If you’ve had sick kids, you’ve also seen them fake it.   After all, who wouldn’t want to watch TV all day, skip homework, and have quality time with Mom?  (My kids always start to feel better when I tell them that they can’t have a friend over or go to that special event until they are well.)  But I’ve also come to learn that sometimes when they’re playing “sick” they just need my attention.   So I ask myself, “Do we just need some quality time together?”

Tip #10  Be thankful for your healthy kids.
When my kids are sick, I recognize just how fragile they are.  If you are lucky enough to have children who only get sick occasionally (with the usual colds and flu), count your blessings.  All of us have friends and family who have battled a serious childhood injury or illness.  Put your own situation in perspective, and thank God for your healthy children.

What are some lessons you’ve learned when your kids are sick?  Yes, when our kids are ill, it can bring out the worst in us, but it can also bring out the best!

Never Say Never

Doug keeps surprising me.  I’ve known him for 25 years, and just when I think I have him figured out, he throws me a curve ball.

Even I was surprised when Doug ate Sushi last week.  That’s right.  I almost fell out of my chair and knocked over my glass of wine when he took the first bite.

Not only did he try it.  He actually liked it.  He ate four spicy tuna rolls and even wanted more!

For those of you who don’t know Doug, he’s a true meat and potatoes man.  He makes fun of guys who drink wine coolers and read chick blogs.   Long ago, I had put him in a box of men that will never eat Sushi.  Apparently, I was dead wrong.

All of us have people in our lives who we think we have figured out.  Maybe they’re not known to be spontaneous, they like to be in bed by a certain time, or they don’t typically try new things.  Certainly not Sushi.

Well, if you tend to put certain people in a box, I’ve got some advice for you.  Never say never.
Anyone in your life surprise you lately?

Tips For Traveling Moms

 
Today on Working Mommy Wednesday, we're talking about our greatest challenges for 2011.  My greatest challenge -- from a working mom perspective -- is my upcoming travel schedule.

I'm going to be on the road a lot in 2011.

Which means I'm going to be blogging yes.  (Bummer, I know.)  But it also means I'm going to spend more nights away from my family than usual.  So as I gear up to start traveling, I’m revisiting a few lessons I’ve learned about leaving the family behind (this is a revised and improved repost). 

Tip #1  Talk to your kids about your trip, and reassure them you won’t forget them.

It helps when I tell my kids where I’m going, how long I’ll be gone, and last but not least, that I’ll be thinking about them day and night.  Sometimes I even show them a map of where I’m going and explain the purpose of my trip, to manage their expectations.  Ok, for those of you with infants and toddlers, this can be a short conversation, but even little ones begin to understand the concept of time and place sooner than you think.

Tip #2  Be reassured your kids won’t forget you.

Kids are resilient (and thank God for making them that way).  I remember when Nick was just a year old, I left him for almost two weeks for an out-of-town trial.  I was terrified he would forget me.  When we were finally reunited, we didn’t miss a beat.  Sure, I always miss stuff while I’m gone, but I’ve learned to resist the temptation to feel sorry for myself.  Sulking never helps.

Tip #3  Resist the urge to bribe them with stuff.

Every once in awhile I’ll bring my kids gifts when I return home.  The only problem?  They start to expect it every time I leave town.  And I don’t want Mom leaving town to become equated with getting more stuff.  After all, don’t we already use material things a little too much to placate our kids?

Tip #4  Invest quality time when you return.

Before I leave town, I always talk to my kids about what we are going to do together when I return.  It gives us all something to look forward to.  If it’s a long trip, I try to pick them up from school early, take them to breakfast, or even take a day off work.  There is no substitute for quality time together.

Tip #5  Pray.

If I remember anything, I remember that God is in control of my kids, not me.  I think I pray for them more when we’re not physically together (when I’m with them, I tend to think I have things under control).  The truth is, my kids are in God’s hands no matter if I’m with them or not.

Tip #6  Don't forget your spouse.

It's easy for me to just worry about the kids, (forgetting that my husband operates as a single parent when I'm gone).  He needs a break.  He needs attention.  And he even needs a little sympathy for holding down the fort.  Moms are especially guilty of ignoring "big people" in favor of "little people."  But when it comes to your marriage, you're not doing anyone a favor -- including your kids -- when you forget your spouse.

Any way you slice it, travel is hard on the family.  I'm going to need your support in 2011, so please share your own travel tips!

Lessons Learned From My Father’s Illness (Part 2)

Change is the one thing about life that’s certain.  You can either resist change, or you can learn and grow through it.  My parents have modeled the latter.  Here are a few more things I’ve learned from them in 2009:

Lesson #6:  “In sickness and in health.”
My parents are a team.  When they said “I do” over 50 years ago, they meant it.   Sure, like all marriages they’ve had their ups and downs.  But they won’t part until death, and they take that commitment very seriously.  The result?  They’re closer than ever.  Right now, my mother is my father’s nurse as well as his hands and feet.  She doesn’t complain, and she knows that if the tables were turned he would do the same for her.  She’s just thankful that God gave her the strength and stamina to do it.  (And she can run circles around just about anyone, including her grandchildren.)

Lesson #7:  Memories rock.
Our family memories are sacred.  Holidays.  Births.  Weddings.  Family gatherings.  Cookouts.  Family vacations.  More family vacations.  You guessed it, our most memorable times together are probably on family vacations.  So we love to talk about the trips together, tell stories, and pull out the old pictures and video tapes.  No one can take away the memories, and we wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

Lesson #8:  People are more important than things.
My parents are talking about selling the house they love – the house where they’ve raised 5 daughters, welcomed 14 grandchildren (and one great-grandchild) into the world, planted over 40 gardens, added porches, remodeled the kitchen, and hosted 4 generations of family.  It’s going to be hard, but at the end of the day, the four walls of a house mean nothing.  Stuff is overrated.   But for the people, the stuff is meaningless.

Lesson #9:  It’s ok to cry.
My dad is from a generation of men that don’t cry.  So he keeps apologizing for getting all emotional and mushy this past year.  I just want to tell him, “it’s ok to cry, Dad.”  His tears help comfort me.  They help me connect with him.  And they help teach me that no matter how tough you are, it’s ok to be human.  “Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.”  (Psalm 30:5.)

Lesson #10:  Faith is the cornerstone.
No matter what the circumstances, our faith is constant.  My mother has modeled the kind of faith I can only hope to one day emulate (and yes, she’s even begun to rub off on my father).  So while we wait for more answers, pray for a breakthrough, and hope for the best, we know that our eternal destiny – the only thing that lasts forever– is secure in Christ.  (We know there are lots of golf courses in heaven, but don’t be surprised when you see my dad hit the links this summer.  God isn’t finished with him yet!)

Thanks Mom and Dad for teaching me some valuable lessons in 2009!  

Who do you need to thank for teaching you a few things in 2009?  You might want to let them know before the year ends!

Lessons Learned From My Father’s Illness (Part 1)

I’ve learned a few lessons this year from my father’s illness.  Unfortunately, I can’t fit them all into one blog, so I’ll have to finish up tomorrow.

Lesson #1:  Always get a second opinion.
My parents are from a generation that doesn’t question doctors.  But when you’re life is on the line, you really need to get a second opinion.  As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and when it comes to your health, it pays to be the squeaky wheel.  (It also doesn’t hurt to educate yourself.  Sure, you can’t believe everything you read online, but Web MD is pretty handy to have around.)

Lesson #2:  Trust your own body, as well as your instincts.
Yes, doctors and medical professionals provide vital expertise.  But there are times when you just need to listen to your own body.  Is the medicine you are taking making you sick?  Are your instincts telling you that you need to try a different treatment?  Then listen, and act on your instincts.

Lesson #3:  Never give up.
When I visited my father over Christmas, he told me point blank, “I just want you to know that I’m not giving up.”  He continues to ride an old stationary bike, even when it hurts.  He’s started playing the piano again.  And he dreams of golfing this summer.  He’s always told me that it’s mind over matter.  Now he gets to live out his own words.  

Lesson #4:  Keep your sense of humor.
Illness can make everyone cranky.  And if you know my father, he can give Grumpy Old Men a new meaning.  But he continues to laugh.  He teases the grandkids and calls them by his pet nicknames.  We laugh about his newfound admiration for my mother’s driving (she’s the only wheels he has)!  And we laugh through our tears about how he needs her help in the bathroom – like when I was a little girl and yelled for her when I was finished going “potty.”  I’m just thankful he keeps laughing. 

Lesson # 5:  The glass is always half full.
My father’s feisty spirit has become more enduring than ever, and my parents have gained my admiration as I’ve watched them enter a new stage of life with grace and dignity. Tomorrow will be better.  There is always hope.  God is in control of our ultimate destiny.   Hope is a beautiful thing.

Difficult Lessons Learned During 2009?

At the end of every new year, I make a list.  Prayers answered, memorable moments, and last but not least, lessons learned.

I learned more lessons in 2009 than I care to write about.  Yes, it was one of those “character building” years. 

At the top of my list?  Watching my father battle a debilitating illness.

Many of us are raising young children while we’re doing our best to help care for our aging parents.  We’re making lots of long-distance calls, waiting for second opinions, and fighting insurance companies.  And we’re also praying more than usual.

My friend Shelly likes to refer to us the “Sandwich Generation.”  She should know.  She’s working full time, raising four kids, and battling again with her mother’s rare cancer that just reared its ugly head again in 2009.  Like me, she’s trying to do her best, but she always feels like someone is getting the short end of the stick.

This past year, my father’s illness has robbed him of a lifestyle he once knew – a lifestyle of golf, travel, and independence.  Yet in the midst of the loss, he and my mother have taught me a few lessons I’d like to share in the coming days. 

What lessons have you learned from illness and pain?  God often uses those difficult circumstances as a teacher, and while we wouldn’t wish them on anyone, we wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.

The Shopping Mall Or the Desert?

Those of you who already have your Christmas shopping done really annoy me.  I just can’t seem to get my act together this year, and I’m running out of time. 

And when I do go out, I always seem to forget something or have terrible luck.  Like when I was in Justice, I forgot my 40% off coupon so I had to send Doug back to return and repurchase the goods.  Then, I got overcharged for my shoes at Macy’s and I had to stand in line a second time (and an extra 20 minutes) just to get my credit back. 

I’ve resorted to finishing my shopping on the Internet.  The only problem?  I’m terrified everything won’t arrive by Christmas Eve, even if I pay the extra shipping.  How am I ever going to be ready for Christmas?

Maybe I’m going about this all wrong.  What should I really be doing to prepare for the coming of my Lord?

I could take a few lessons from John the Baptist.  He didn’t seem to spend much time cutting holiday coupons or fighting the holiday traffic.  From the reports about his wardrobe, I don’t think he frequented the shopping malls.  Instead, he prepared for the coming of the Lord in the most unusual place – the desert. 

After 460 years of silence, John the Baptist spoke the first prophetic words since Malachi.  The Word of the Lord didn’t come in the cities, the marketplace, or even the temples.  All those places are much too noisy.  I for one do much better listening when it’s quiet – and the desert is much quieter than the shopping malls. 

In the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, some of us need the silence of the desert.   Silence clears our heads and calms our spirits.   It’s in silence that we can think are best thoughts and, yes, sometimes we can even hear the Word of the Lord.

Are you ready for Christmas this year?