It’s My Money!

We recently established a “giving fund” that the kids’ contribute to from their own money.  I expected them to be excited – to have some tangible impact and personal connection to the causes we’ll support as a family.  What I didn’t expect was the strong feelings invoked in my 5-year-old, Abby.

And I’m not talking about positive feelings.

When it was time to put in her dollar, she wailed and moaned.  With her fists clenched and her eyebrows raised, she raged,

“You can’t do this!  It’s my money!”

You would have thought we were cutting off her right arm.   Her older siblings tried to convince her she really doesn’t need the dollar (and it could help another kid who might not have food or clothes) but she still didn’t care.  The queen wasn’t parting with the crown jewels any time soon.

Being the patient mother I am, I ripped the dollar out of her hand and threw it in the pile.  She put her head down in a final, contrived pout.  I thought to myself, I’d hate to get stuck on a deserted island with this chick.  She'd take every last crumb for herself.

I know, I shouldn’t be so hard on her.  She’s young.  She has time to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her wants and needs.  But I also know that gratitude isn’t just going to appear on her doorstep one day.  She’s not going to “grow into it” over time or voluntarily relinquish her self-protective nature.

We have to be intentional. Sooner, not later.

Several days after Abby’s rant, I stumbled upon a post by Amy Sullivan -- How To Raise Selfish Kids.  I laughed out loud.  Been there.  Done that.  One of the reasons I follow Amy’s blog is because she’s passionate about cultivating a radical attitude of giving in her children.  And as I read along, I realize my heart wants the same thing for my own children.

But I have so far to go.  Some days, I act a lot like Abby.

Baby steps.

Spiritual Lessons From a Half-Marathon

Running the Cap-City Half Marathon taught me a few things about myself.  Sure, I probably knew most of these things before, but there’s something about the whole experience that brings these spiritual lessons to life. 

The First Step Is the Hardest

If you would have told me a year ago that I was going to run 13 miles, I would have said you're nuts!  Signing up, saying “yes” and taking that first step is over half the battle.  Isn’t this true in just about any area of life?   When I seek to grow or venture into new territory, I can always find excuses.  Not now.  Not here.  I’m too tired.  I’ll do it tomorrow.  Or maybe next year.

Often, I find myself using these same excuses with God.  Don’t you?

I Need a Goal

I need a goal to get me started – to help me take that first step.  A goal gets me motivated and focused.  As important, a goal gives me a deadline!  I don’t know about you, but I work better under pressure – when I know the finish line is within reach.  Otherwise, I tend to flounder and lose motivation.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve written down spiritual goals on an annual basis – I find when they’re specific (and time-driven) I’m less likely to get off track.

Short-cuts Don’t Work

There’s no magic formula.  Training is hard work.  Period.  There’s no multi-vitamin or energy drink that’s going to get you ready.  It’s practice, practice, and more practice.  And you need to follow the training plan.  (I found this out around mile 10 when I thought to myself, boy, I wish I wouldn’t have skipped those long runs!)

My spiritual life follows a similar pattern.  I keep asking God, “Can’t you just make this road easier?  Where is the short cut!”  But he continues to show me that the journey is part of my training.

I Need a Purpose

It’s not just about me.  I need a bigger purpose.  And, while I know others who run to “lose weight” I just can’t get motivated solely by pounds and inches.  I’m all for a healthy lifestyle (and, clearly, health and fitness played a huge role in my motivation), but running for orphans with team Doma gave me a purpose to cross the finish line.

My spiritual well runs dry when I become self-absorbed.  But the more I give to others – the less it’s about me – the more I’m driven to continue. 

No Pain No Gain

Talk about pain!  I was sore – I mean really sore – for a couple of days.  But I’d do it all over again.  Next time, I’ll probably take my training a bit more seriously, but I’ll also know to expect the pain and discomfort.  Nobody said it was going to be easy!

It’s often through pain and trials that we draw near to God.  Just this year, I’ve watched friends (and many of you) suffer much loss – a broken marriage, a bout with cancer, an unexpected death of a loved one.  It seems like this pain is part of our training.  But, yes, it still hurts!

Has physical training (and pain!) taught you anything about spiritual growth?  Can you relate to these lessons – purpose, practice and pain – in your own life?

Follow Your Instincts Moms!

Nick smacked a double into left field, and I was on my feet screaming.  "Slide, Nick, Slide!"  He slid into second base, but didn't get up.  In fact, he stayed in a ball lying next to the base.

Being the sensitive mom that I am (who loves to win baseball games) I continued to scream, "Get on the base, Nick, or he's going to tag you out!  GET ON THE BASE!"

Nick didn't move, and the ump shouted, "He's out!"

What a bummer!

Was Nick really hurt?  I couldn't tell as he limped off the field.

Enter Daddy Coach.  (Former baseball superstar, and all-around tough guy.)

"He'll be fine.  Nick, you just need to walk on it.  Walk up and down the side of the field and shake it out."

Nick continued to limp.  He'd have to sit out the rest of the game.

The next morning, Nick was still struggling.  Daddy Coach continued to insist that he'd be "fine" -- "after all, if he's going to play sports, he's going to have to toughen up!"

So I sent Nick off to school.  But I had this nagging feeling in my stomach.  I wonder if it's more serious than we think.  But then again, he can walk on it.  I'm sure it's nothing that a little ice and motrin can't cure.  Right?


Wrong.

If I've learned anything on this journey called motherhood, it's to follow your instincts.

After another day of swelling and a trip to the ER the next evening (I took him, of course!) we learned that Nick had fractured his ankle.  According to the doctors, "The worst thing he can do is walk on it!"

So much for shaking it out.

No disrespect guys, but there's a reason God created mothers!

Is He Here Yet?

It was Buddy’s first time in my Sunday School class.  Maybe even his first time at church.  I watched his big, blue 4-year-old eyes take it all in – the singing, the playing, the praying.

When it was almost time to leave, I pulled him aside and said, “I’m really glad you’re here.” 

He continued to stare.  Who is this crazy lady who likes to sing silly songs and play duck duck goose?

But no, it wasn’t a blank stare.  His wheels were turning -- he was thinking.  So I said to him, “You know, Jesus is really glad you’re here today.”

He quickly responded, “Yeah, I know. Is he here yet?”

I (barely) held back my laughter.  Buddy wanted Jesus to show up.  Pure and simple.

“Yes, he’s here right now.  He’s everywhere.  Not just in church.” 

Buddy looked confused.  Like many of us, he had gone through the “church” drill.  But he wanted more.  He wanted a real live encounter with God.  He didn’t just want Jesus to show up, he expected him to show up.

Sure, Buddy may have a few things to learn about God.  He may be an unchurched preschooler, but I love his simple faith.  I love his anticipation.  I love his question.

How many of us have the courage to ask,  “Is he here yet?”  Or have we already made up our minds?  Not here. Not now. It’s not possible – or even if it’s possible, it won’t happen to me.  

Like Buddy, maybe we just need to ask.  Maybe it’s time we expect Jesus to just show up.

Why Marriage Is Good For Business

There’s good news to celebrate about marriage.  And the research backs me up!

No, I didn’t just emerge from underneath a rock.  I know the divorce rate is still hovering around 50%.  I know that marriage is about hard work, prayer, and personal inconvenience.  In fact, I know lots of couples who have “split-up” this year – they’ve decided marriage is just too hard, too disappointing, and too confining.

But I’m here to tell you the good news – and I’d like to throw some positive data your way.  Regardless of whether you (like me) believe that marriage is a spiritual and sacred union, marriage is good for business! 

I first thought about marriage in these terms when I read a thoughtful series about lessons learned from elite leaders by Christine Schellar at The High Calling.  As it turns out, marriage is actually a huge asset to most business leaders.  To my surprise, some 82% of elite leaders are married.  And their marriages are a marked component to their professional success.

Of course, this makes perfect sense.  According to award-winning studies (and a recent book) by Dr. Michael Lindsay, marriage provides the structure and support that many of us need in our professional lives – a partner, a confidant, and someone who will “pick up the slack!”

And it’s not just professional men who benefit from marriage.  A couple of decades ago, career women were less likely to marry.  In the 1970’s, birthrates in the US declined, and Baby Boomers (and working women) generally had fewer children.

But the tide is turning. 

Today, a college educated, 30-year-old woman is just as likely to get married as her less-educated counterpart.  And women in top income brackets are just as likely to marry as other women who work full time.  Women in Generation X (my generation!) generally place a higher value on family and less on work than our Boomer counterparts.  And we’re having more children than our Boomer predecessors!  (If you don’t believe me, check out the research in The Next Hundred Million: America in 2050 by Joel Kotkin.)

So what does this mean for you?

I can only tell you what it means for me.  Doug and I were privileged to celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary this week.  And, as a mother, lawyer, writer, and all-around over achiever with a crazy challenging schedule, I can honestly say I’d never even attempt to be “Superwoman” without my husband.
Most days, he’s the God-given glue that holds me together.

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Are you surprised (or encouraged) by the emerging, positive research about marriage? 

Win A Copy of Mommy Whispers Here!

Today on Working Mommy Wednesday, we're discussing favorite books.  And while I've read some great adult books lately, my favorite reads these days are with my kids.  After all, they'll grow up soon and won't want Mom to read to them (boo hoo!).

So here's my favorite new children's book:  Mommy Whispers, by Jenny Lee Sulpizio.

Why do I love this book so much?  Here's a glimpse inside the cover.

Mommy Whispers tells the story of a mother, watching her daughter mature and grow through each stage of life.  From birth, to school, to adulthood, to marriage, and to motherhood.  It's the cycle of life that we all cherish, knowing that each stage is a gift that will last only for a season.

But it's not just about the cycle of life.  It's about the yearning every mother has to keep control, and her need to trust God every step of the journey.

Sounds pretty heavy, huh?

I wasn't sure if it would maintain my daughters' attentions (ages 5 and 7) since we often have different taste in books these days.  (Let's just say I've about had it with the Disney Princesses.)

Boy was I wrong.  My girls ate up every word.  They loved the repetitive language (which help makes this book kid-centered) as well as the bright illustrations.  Afterward, my 7-year-old said to me, "Mom, I want to grow up to be a mom someday, just like you!"

Warning.  This one's a tear jerker.

Please leave me a comment before Mother's Day and I'll put you into the drawing for a free copy!   It's the perfect gift for your mother, daughter, grandmother, sister, or friend.

What about mothers of sons?  After all, we too have a story to tell!

Don't worry, Jenny has a book that's coming out for you this fall!  Stick around, and we might just do another give away.

If you haven't met Jenny Lee Sulpizio, stop by and visit her blog here.

Are You An Ungrateful Whiner?

Do you know anyone who never complaints, never rants, and never blames – no matter the circumstances?

Before you tell me such a person does not exist, I must correct you. 

Meet my mother. 

Mary Stella (D’ Ercole) Moore turned 77 years old this weekend.  And I’ve never heard her utter a complaining word or rant in my entire life.  I am not lying (she’s reading this, so I can’t lie!).

She’s never said:

“I don’t care if you don’t like it, just eat it!”

“Why do I have to do everything myself around here?”

“You kids don’t know how good you have it.”

“Don’t blame me, you make your bed, you lie in it!”

“I am sick and tired of cleaning up after you.”

I know what you’re thinking.  How can we be related?  After all, I can’t stop writing about my daily rants (I even wrote a book about them).

What’s her secret?

She keeps it simple.  She’s content living day by day and leaves the rest to God. 

So here’s my challenge.  I’ve been thinking about my ungrateful spirit and sassy mouth lately (and I’ve also been riding my kids about annoying whining).  Do you think I can go one week without uttering a complaint?  Will you join me?  In other words, can we be more like my mother?

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Happy Birthday, Mom, and I’m so thankful you’re not a whiner!

Do everything without complaining or arguing.  Phil 2:14