Does Work Make You A Bad Mommy?

Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re answering a tough question:  Does your job make you a better or worse mother?

This question is so difficult that I’m not going to give you a straight answer.

My answer?  It depends.

Some days, I feel really good about work/life balance.  I enjoy my job tremendously, and when I come home from work to be with my kids I am more than ready to see them!  In fact, I can honestly say that I never get tired of being with them because I know each moment is precious.  My kids know how much I love to hang out with them.

I’ve talked to some of my working mom friends about this before, and we like to pat each other on the back and say things like, “Gosh, I’m more patient with my kids because I’m not with them all day,” or “I think my kids are better off with me working outside the home.”

I would be lying to you if I told you that this is the whole story. 

There’s always another side, isn’t there?

If I’m really honest, I have to admit that my job has the capacity to make me a worse mother.  To be less involved with my kids.  More distracted.  More impatient.  And more focused on what’s going on outside my home than what’s going on inside my home. 

And some days, I’m probably a worse mother because I’m a busy lawyer.

So I’m sticking to my initial answer:  It depends.

I’m just trying to be the person I’m created to be.  And, at this point in my life, that includes both a Lawyer and a Mommy!

Thank God for grace.

We All Make Assumptions

I hate it when people make assumptions about me.

Like when I was standing in the check-out line several years ago– holding a newborn in one arm, unloading groceries, and chasing around two toddlers. An elderly woman watched me with doting eyes. She gave me a warm smile and said, “My, you are busy, aren’t you? I remember those days like they were yesterday.”

She started to help me with my groceries and we struck up a conversation. I learned that she had five grandchildren, and her granddaughter had curly hair just like my Anna. Then she said to me, “I know how hard it is being at home all day with them. You must feel like you never get a break.”

I replied, “Well, actually, I work full time as a lawyer. Most days, I don’t get to see them until after dinner.”

Her warm smile turned into a scowl. Then she gave me The Look. She didn’t have to say a word.

[Click here to continue reading at High Calling Blogs]

The Last Flight Out

I was tired and cranky.  I was determined.  And I knew I had to make the last flight out.

The only problem?  There aren’t that many direct flights to my home town of Columbus, Ohio on a Saturday evening.  In fact, the only non-direct flight would get me home at 1:00 a.m. Sunday morning.  Assuming no airport delays, canceled flights, or late connections.

My husband, Doug, told me just to leave on Sunday morning.  “We’ll be fine without you.  What’s another night?  Why do you always have to kill yourself?”

Maybe he was right.  If I left Sunday, I could still be home by lunch.  I could even get some sleep.  And I wouldn’t be hanging out in connecting airports on a Saturday evening. 

But I couldn’t do it.  I needed to get home.

Why was I so determined?

Well, there are a couple of reasons.  First and foremost, I’m a mom.  I hadn’t seen my kids in five days, and I missed them.  Terribly.  I missed my philosophical discussions with Nick (right before bed, of course) and I missed Anna’s constant hugs and affection.  And, yes, I even missed Abby’s booming voice and her favorite words, “Daddy can do it.” 

And while I know the kids are “fine” without me, I still couldn’t wait to see them.  Plus, I missed Doug and knew he needed a break from full-time daddy duty.

The other reason I needed to get home?  Twelve preschoolers were expecting me on Sunday morning.  Sure, I could have arranged a substitute for my Sunday school class, but I wanted to be there.  Plus, some of these kids are just getting over their own separation anxiety.  They’re just getting to know me.  So the last thing they need is another new face on Sunday morning.

Have you ever just known you needed to get home? 

It’s Monday.  And I’m back to work.

But I’m so glad to be home.

Join Me For Family Meal Night At Huffman’s Market!

Do you ever have a hard time getting a family meal on the table?  Are you tired of your kids eating junk?  Do you get home from work and wonder, What am I going to feed everyone for dinner?

You’re not alone.

Today, at Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re answering the question:  “You know you’re a working mom when….”

In my world, I know I’m a working mom because I just can’t seem to get my act together to make everyone a healthy dinner.  And food is important to me.  I mean really important.

I grew up in a family that ate meals together.  Every night.  We weren’t allowed to miss dinner – but even more importantly, we didn’t want to miss dinner.  Dinner was sacred.

Besides the fact that we all loved my mother’s cooking, we also loved being together.  Family meals helped us connect and reconnect.  And the dinner table was always filled with drama and laughter.

So what’s a modern family to do?  Most moms today – whether or not they work outside the home – can’t spend hours during the week planning and preparing family meals.  And bulk cooking is great if you have the time, but sometimes I just can’t squeeze another minute out of my schedule.

The answer?  Chasing Superwoman and Huffman’s Family Meal Night!

Let me explain.  I’m teaming up with my neighbors, Tim and Glenda Huffman, to support the Ohio Grocer Association Parents’ Week at the Huffman’s Market.   (For those of you who live out of town, Huffman’s is our locally owned and operated grocery store.  And among other things, they specialize in affordable, nutritious, pre-made family meals.)

On Friday, October 1 from 3:00 to 6:30 p.m., we’ll be celebrating food, wine, and books at the Huffman’s Market.  I’ll be signing books, AND I’ll be making my mother’s homemade sauce (some of you have seen the recipe in the back of my book).

Most importantly, we’ll be having lots of fun.  I just can’t wait for this event!   Some of you know that my neighbors are a pretty wild bunch, so we’ll have lots of blogs to post and tweets to share.

What about my online friends who can’t come to the event?  Don’t worry, we’ll be doing something extra special on the blog for you next Friday.  So please come back on October 1!

Now, I have to get busy buying the ingredients for my sauce….

Radical: Chapter Two

For those of you who are joining me, today I’m continuing the online discussion of Radical:  Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream.

First, a couple logistical points.  A few of you have asked me where and how to join the book club.  Just click here, and you’ll find Marla Taviano’s website and instructions.

Second, my current plan is to post every Tuesday, in schedule with the online book club.  The next month looks pretty hectic, so if I skip a week I’ll just pick up the following week.

Now, on to Chapter Two.

David Platt lays it on pretty thick in this chapter.  (Yeah, even a bit too thick for me.)

But I’ll start with the positive.  Chapter Two makes the point that God doesn’t need us, we need him.  I couldn’t agree more.

Platt explains that Christians on the other side of the world are risking their lives to meet in secret, simply because they hunger and thirst for God.  Yet the American church is more interested in programs, comfortable seats, and cool music.  In Platt’s words, many of us have reduced the costly sacrifice of Jesus to a sales pitch.  “Our attempt to reduce this gospel to a shrink-wrapped presentation that persuades someone to say to pray the right things back to us no longer seems appropriate.”  (p. 37)

Again, I couldn’t agree more.

Where Platt and I differ is in his statement that God “hates” sinners.  (p. 29)  First and foremost, I’m pretty sure I’m a sinner.  And I’m also pretty sure God doesn’t hate me.

According to John 3:16, God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son.  The love came first.  And according to Romans 5:8, God demonstrated his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.

Call me optimistic, but I still believe that God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life.  I may be taking Platt too literally, but I’m a lawyer, remember?  We tend to get hung up on words. 

I also don’t think it’s a bad thing for Christians to be culturally relevant.  In fact, the Christian subculture often gets in the way of the gospel.  Many Americans walk away from church because they think, I’ve got to become some weirdo in order to be accepted here.  I’ve got to act a certain way, dress a certain way, and think a certain way. 

My fear is that folks who are looking for Jesus might just miss him in church. 

I do agree with Platt’s conclusion that the gospel is costly – it’s a gospel that calls us to “turn from our sin, to take up our cross, to dies to ourselves….” (p. 39)  It’s a gospel I fail to live out every day.  It’s a gospel that motivates me to keep at it – because of grace, not guilt!

Yes, Platt lays it on pretty thick in Chapter 2.  But he has my attention.

Does he have yours?

Visit Me At The High Calling

In case you missed it, I hope you’ll join me over at The High Calling. Click here to read my article, published just yesterday.

The article was inspired by a post I wrote this summer titled What Are We Working For?  Expanding upon the original post, I interviewed my colleague Peter to get his perspective on how music has made him an ever better lawyer.

Thanks much to Peter for being the subject of the article and allowing me to share his story.  I love it when writing brings my worlds of work and faith together!

Early Bird Or Night Owl?

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

You guessed it, I’m a night owl.  Sure, I can function early in the morning if I have to, but I’d much prefer the late evening – when my creative juices start flowing.

To tell you the truth, I’m sick and tired of all these people (you may be one of them!) who over-spiritualize the morning.  Some of them claim that all the “important” prayers and spiritual moments happen in the early morning.

Are they right?

I think not!

To prove my point, I’ll use the Apostle Paul as an example. 

Nick and I just finished reading the book of Acts, and for the very first time I noticed that Paul is known to pull all-nighters.  I’m not kidding.  According to Acts 20, he preached until midnight – which ended up turning into daybreak.  I can just picture him sitting around the kitchen table with the believers in Ephesus.  Some of them were probably thinking, “When is he going to shut up.  Doesn’t he want to get some sleep?”


I may be partial, but it seems to me that Paul was a night owl.  On another occasion, he even stayed up all night in prison – singing instead of sleeping!

Of course, those of you who rise early in the morning will probably claim that Jesus was known to be an early bird.  I can’t argue with that one.  Maybe the important point is that we need to come to God when we can give him our best – when he can have our full, undivided attention.

So when are you at your best?  Morning, noon, or night?

My Life In Pictures

 
Today, at Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re sharing our lives in pictures. 

Frankly, it’s often easier for me to describe things in words, so I thought this would be a nice change – sharing through pictures instead.  We’ll focus on a short tour of the last six months.


 One of the most memorable moments of 2010 was spending the weekend with my four fabulous sisters in Utah, celebrating Amy’s 50th birthday (she’s the beauty in the green shirt). 
Doug and I continue our family camping excursions, most recently to Lake Michigan.  (I wanted to put a picture up of Doug roasting marshmallows, but I’m not allowed to post pictures of him on the blog -- which is too bad, because he’s really cute.)


Of course, I continue to work work work.  This picture shows me billing some hours in the office.  (Or maybe I'm blogging!)








My parents continue to be my dearest friends and role models.  I’m especially proud of my dad for continuing to fight his disease and gaining new strength every day.  This is a picture of my parents with my kids, celebrating Nick’s first piano recital. 


Thanks for sharing a slice of my life today in pictures. 

We’ll go back to writing on Friday!

Radical: Chapter One

What am I doing posting on a Tuesday?  Didn’t I decide to cut back blogging to three days a week?

Good question.

Here’s the answer.  Today’s post is devoted to an online book club I’ve joined with almost 200 other readers.

The book?  Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream.

Does the title scare you?  It scares me.  A lot.

I really don’t know why I got into this book club right now.  It’s not like I need more to do.  It’s not like I don’t have enough to read.  And what’s wrong with the American dream anyway?

Let’s just say the first chapter lived up to the title.

In Chapter One, author David Platt challenges our spiritual presuppositions that “bigger is better.”  He points out, for example, that Jesus probably would have failed Marketing 101.  Case in point:  Jesus only had 120 followers at the end of his ministry.  And when new recruits inquired about joining him, he didn’t say, “come along for a fun ride” or “give me a trial run and you won’t be disappointed.” 

Instead, he said things like, “sell all your possessions” and “leave your homes.”  Some would say that he actually tried to talk people out of following him.

Obviously, the Christian church has grown leaps and bounds since those first 120 recruits.  But maybe, just maybe, those of us who claim to follow Jesus need to ask ourselves, who are we really following?

As Pratt asks, have we invented “[a] nice, middle-class, American Jesus?” (p.13)

Pratt goes so far as to say that maybe we’re not worshipping Jesus at all:

“We are molding Jesus into our image.  He is beginning to look a lot like us because, after all, that is who we are most comfortable with.  And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshipping the Jesus of the Bible.  Instead we may be worshipping ourselves.”  (Ibid.)

Ouch!

Want to join me next week for Chapter Two?

Do You Pray For Your Readers?

Those of us who write find ourselves praying for more readers.  After all, if you’re going to take the time to say something, you want lots of people to read it.  Right?

But is that really what we should be praying for?

The other night, I couldn’t sleep.  I was restless, but I wasn’t upset or worried about anything.  So I prayed, ok God, this is usually when you are trying to tell me something.  So what is it?

Then, in the midst of my fog, I heard God speak to my heart.

“Do you pray for your readers?”

Wow.  A light bulb went off.  I had been missing out on a golden opportunity – praying for the people who are reading this right here and right now.  Sure, more readers are great.  But what about the people who God has already put in my life? 

Sometimes, we're so busy thinking about what's next -- looking miles and miles down the road -- that God plops a stop sign right in front of us.  I'm known to drive a little too fast, so I'm thankful He goes out of his way to put the brakes on and get my attention.

If you’re reading this, please know that I’m praying for you.  I promise.  God told me to do it!

The next time you can’t sleep, ask God what He might be saying.  He might be trying to slow you down.  And you just might hear something.

Happy Monday!

Do You Have Hope?

We celebrated Labor Day this week, and I thought to myself, there are too many people out there who are dissatisfied with their work.  Some are unemployed.  Others are under-employed.  And still others are just pain miserable.

As someone who tremendously enjoys my chosen profession, my heart goes out to you if you’re in one of these ruts.  I can’t imagine what it must be like to wake up to a job every day that you hate, or to feel trapped in a cycle of unemployment.

But I do have one question for you.  Do you have hope?

To start, I’d like to share with you an amazing revelation that I learned last Sunday from Pastor Eric.  It’s the difference between wishing and hoping.

Often, we hear young children misuse the word hope and say things like, “I hope it wasn’t raining.”  What they mean to say is, “I wish it wasn’t raining.”

You see, hope and wish are quite different.

Wish – is focused on the present

Hope – is focused on the future

We all know lots of people who wish life was different.  They complain.  They bemoan.  A few of them seem content, but they usually seem uninspired.  Like they’re not looking forward to anything.

How many people do you really know who have hope?  People who aren’t beaten down by other people or circumstances.  People who live in the present, but eagerly look toward the future with anticipation.  People who know that tomorrow will be better.

Are you wishful or hopeful? 

Yes, even though I work in a career I enjoy, I’m thankful that I have a greater hope.  So while I wish that the economy was doing better this year, I continue to have hope in the future.  I’m just glad my eternal 401K isn’t dependant on the stock market.

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Now, the moment you've all been waiting for.  Were you hoping to win that Starbucks card? 

Congratulations Michelle DeRusha, and have a good weekend all!

Starbucks Give-Away For Coffee Snobs Only!

Are you a coffee snob?  Are you high maintenance?  If the answer to either of these questions is yes, you’ve come to the right place.

Today, at Working Mommy Wednesday, we're talking about the "must haves" to get us through the day.


For me, my two "must haves" are coffee and prayer.

I'll talk about prayer another day.  Today, let's talk about coffee.

It’s no secret that I love my coffee.  Not just any coffee.  I like the good stuff.  Some of you know that I gave up coffee for Lent last year.  And it nearly killed me!

When Doug and I go camping with the kids, we bring our own coffee pot and Starbucks.  You guessed it, I’m a high maintenance camper.  I realize Starbucks and camping don’t go together for most people, but I like to break stereotypes. 

So you can imagine how frazzled I was on our last camping trip when we ran out of our coffee!  I went over to the “camp store” to buy a cup, thinking I would just have to suck it up and drink the cheap stuff.  I took a sip and thought I was drinking water.  I nearly choked.  In a complete panic, I headed to town, relieved to find the local Starbucks.

Maybe I sound like a total snob.  I'm sorry.  I can do without a shower and some basic hygiene every now and then, but please don’t ask me to drink yucky coffee.

If you’re a coffee snob or you just love coffee, please let me know.  Everyone who leaves a comment on this post will enter a drawing for a Starbuck’s gift card.  Winners will be announced on Friday. 

(By the way, I don't know about you, but these four-day weeks require extra coffee.  I'm traveling this week, so please forgive me if I don't respond to your comments until tomorrow!)

Happy Labor Day!

What are your plans for Labor Day?  Today, I’ll be hanging out with the kids, having a lemonade stand, and spending my day at the Upper Arlington Labor Day Arts Festival.

And I won’t be working.  Well, almost not working.

I’ll be doing an interview on News Talk 610 WTBN at 3:15 p.m. talking about the legal implications of social media in the workplace.  Join me if you’re free!

Have I mentioned that Doug is golfing today?  Which means I will have the kids during the media interview.  I might send them over to the neighbors, but if history is any indication they’ll be right under my feet!  Which means I’ll have to use duck tape to keep them quiet.  (Just kidding.)  If you happen to hear some laughing in the background, you’ll just know we’re having fun.

Have fun today, ok?  See you on Wednesday.

Should Bedtime Prayers Be Serious?

My favorite time of day is bedtime prayers.  I love to spend time with my kids, talk about our days, and hear their thoughts and concerns.

The only problem?

We can’t seem to get serious.  And it’s getting worse.

On a school night, we try to head to bed by 8:30 p.m.  I always start with Anna and Abby, since they usually sleep together.  We read a few books, and by about 8:50 p.m. it’s time to say prayers.

I start off praying and try to be spiritual.  But Abby is known to interrupt me.

“Dear God, I pray that Anna’s breath won’t smell.”

My girls start laughing hysterically.  Nick hears them, and he comes in to join us.  I yell at everyone and say,

“We’re talking to God.  This is important!  Let’s get serious!”

Abby gets defensive and exclaims, “It’s Anna’s fault.  She was touching my armpits!”

They start laughing hysterically again.  Nick is laughing so hard that I think he’s going to pee his pants, and I think to myself, When am I ever going to get these kids to sleep!


Usually, when I’m almost ready to give up, I can count on Anna to wrap us up with some substance.
 
“God, please heal Grandpap.  Help Haiti and Chile to feel better.  Help everyone in the world to find food and water and all the children to find moms and dads.  And wash away the sin from our hearts.”

At least someone has been paying attention.
 
Some nights, I feel like just letting them laugh.  I wonder if God enjoys their laughter.  Does He expect them to be serious when they pray?  Should I?

My Favorite Recipe

My favorite recipe is my mother’s sauce! I’ve seen her make it so many times that I can make it in my sleep. (Sorry, I never measure.)

Supplies:

· a 16-quart saucepan (the bigger the better -- I’ve moved up to the 20-quart pan)
· a wooden spoon
· a kitchen full of children (optional)

Ingredients:

• olive oil
• garlic (the more the better)
• peppers and onions (optional)
• 4-5 28-ounce cans tomato sauce
• 4-5 28-ounce cans tomato puree
• 1-2 28-ounce cans crushed tomatoes
• Italian spices (basil, oregano -- the fresher the better)
• 3-4 lbs ground meat
• Italian-style bread crumbs
• 2-3 eggs
• parsley
• 5-7 links Italian sausage, both hot and mild (I cut them in small pieces after they cook)

10 Steps to perfection:

1. Wash your hands.
2. Make someone else (preferably over the age of 18) open all the cans of sauce.
3. Sautee garlic, onions, and peppers in a liberal amount of olive oil. Don’t burn the garlic!
4. Dump the cans of sauce, puree, and crushed tomatoes into the sauce pan (with the olive oil).
5. Add plenty of water (at least 3-4 empty cans) so the sauce doesn’t burn as it cooks.
6. Make and roll your meatballs (ground meat, parsley, bread crumbs, eggs, and more garlic and Italian spices).
7. Drop the raw meatballs one by one, into the sauce pan.
8. Drop the raw Italian sausage into the sauce pan (if you’re on a diet, boil the fat out first).
9. Add Italian spices.
10. Stir occasionally and cook all day on low (the longer the better -- at least 6 hours).

A couple of hints (aka lessons I learned the hard way):

• Don’t burn the sauce -- put it on the simmer burner, and if it sticks to the bottom of the pan, add water.
• If the meatballs are too mushy, add more bread crumbs. If the meatballs are too hard, add an egg (or some water).
• The best “job” for kids is making meatballs. Just make sure they wash their hands and try to keep them away from the stove.
• Making sauce is an art, not a science. If you don’t have a specific ingredient, feel free to improvise. Experimentation is always encouraged.
• Don’t plan on leftovers. If you’re smart, you’ll freeze over half the pan for individual dinners, before your friends and neighbors smell what you’re up to.

I love this recipe so much that I included it in the Appendix of Chasing Superwoman!

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Bonus for Working Mom Wednesday:

Check out Amy Neiberger-Miller’s new blog and leave her a comment!  I was thrilled to read her review of Chasing Superwoman yesterday.  From one working mom to another, she gets it!