“I Just Work Here”

Wendy Worker has an incredible attitude about her work.  She is positive, pleasant, and productive. 

“How can I help you?”

“I don’t know the answer, but I can find out.”

“I’m really sorry about the error, I’d be happy to fix it.”

***********
Don’t-bother-me Betty is just the opposite.  She is easily irritated, only does the “minimum” amount of work, and is quick to blame others.

“I’ve never done that before.”

“Don’t ask me, I just work here.”

“Sorry, but I don’t make up the rules.  I just follow them”

Don’t-bother-me-Betty was our waitress recently on vacation.  Her attitude was bigger than Texas, and she went out of her way not to be helpful.  Here’s how the conversation went.

Doug:  “Do you have a children’s menu?”

Betty:  “Not that I know of, I just started.”

Doug:  “Can you make rigatoni with butter?”

Betty:  “I don’t know what rigatoni is.”

Doug:  “Do you know what spaghetti is?”

(Doug starts to get really irritated, so Susan jumps in.)

Susan:  “Are you sure you don’t have a kids’ menu?”

Betty:  “Sorry lady, I just work here.”

Five minutes later, I couldn’t help but overhear Wendy Worker explaining the children’s menu to the table next to us.

Doug and I just looked at each other and laughed.  I’m sure Don’t-bother-me Betty was probably a college student just trying to make a few bucks at a summer job, but I couldn’t help but notice the difference in Wendy Worker’s attitude and service.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve been a waitress before, and it’s hard work.  Maybe Betty was having a bad day.  At least she made me think hard.  I never want to have the attitude that says, “I just work here.”  Do you?

(Bonus ending:  Don’t-bother-me Betty went on to screw up our order and delay dinner for our hungry children.  But Doug still left her a good tip!  Go figure.  We all need a little grace sometimes.)

Stay-At-Home Dads And Summer Bird Watching

What do stay-at-home dads and mourning doves have in common?

Lots.

First, let me set the stage.  My husband, Doug, had the responsibility burden privilege of staying home with our 3 kids this summer.  Let’s just say that they drove him a little bit crazy, and unlike me he was more than happy to see them back to school this week.

Needless to say, some days he felt like he was chasing his tail around – between swimming, play dates, and carpool – and at the end of the day he would ask himself what he had really accomplished.  It’s easy for any stay-at-home parent to think, Why am I at home with these kids all day when I could be out there doing something more productive?

Of course, I always tell Doug that I appreciate his sacrifice, but sometimes he doesn’t seem to hear me.  This is where the mourning doves come in.

This summer, a mother dove built a nest above our patio.  Given that our semi-urban yard is the size of our garage, we’re not talking about a large space to begin with.  But doves don’t care about size.  She found a perfect spot for nesting her eggs.

We all stood by and watched.

It seemed as if this mother never left the nest.  Morning, noon, and night she could be seen sitting on her eggs.  Then, one day, I discovered her secret.

I was sitting on the patio when another mourning dove flew in and landed next to the nest.  Neither dove moved for 5 minutes.  Then, I watched the amazing “switch.”  As one dove flew from the nest, the other simultaneously replaced her.  Did she have a clone?  A twin?  A sister?

Not exactly.  It was Daddy Dove. 

After doing some trusty online research, I learned that the father dove and mother dove take turns incubating the eggs.  In fact, it’s not unusual for the father to guard the nest during the day so the mother can go out and get food.  (And, yes, when she gets home at night she takes over full responsibility for the nest!)

This sounded quite familiar.  So I said to Doug, “See, honey, we’re in touch with nature.” 

I love it when God provides unexpected lessons from nature.  I think He decided to send us the mourning doves to show us we really can’t put our lives in a box.  To our surprise, Daddy Dove was handling daytime duty just fine!

Did you learn any unexpected lessons from nature this summer?

My Firstborn, Plus A Give-Away!

 
Do you remember the birth of your firstborn?  If you’re a parent (or even if you’re not), do you have any fun birthing stories to share?  That’s the question posed today for Working Mom Wednesday.

In response to the question, I thought to myself, I’ve written about this before!  So I decided to post an excerpt from my book, Chasing Superwoman:

I decided to walk, a fifteen-minute stroll from my office, to what I thought would be an uneventful checkup. If I was lucky, maybe I would be dilated. All of my sisters agreed I shouldn’t get too anxious with my first delivery, so I was playing it cool. To my surprise, after a quick exam, the doctor immediately recommended that I proceed with a C-section. Nick’s position had shifted, and labor could be high risk. I went back to the office and started crying. I wasn’t ready to deliver a baby. I hadn’t even cleaned off my desk. So I proceeded to do what most expectant mothers do twenty-four hours before delivering their firstborn: I put on my best poker face and went to take a deposition.
I was in the midst of contentious litigation. Opposing counsel, a Jerk Lawyer, looked at me straight in the eye prior to the deposition and said, “When’s the baby coming?”

I lied, “In a couple of weeks.” I couldn’t let him see that I was weak and vulnerable. I could cry later. Now, it was time for Lady Lawyer to take care of business. For Lady Lawyer, there are certain advantages to being pregnant. I find that most witnesses are eager to spill their guts and make damaging admissions to a pregnant woman. I appear sweet, innocent, and harmless. All I want is the truth. A pregnant lawyer is a sheep among wolves. My motto? “Be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” (Matt 10:16)

By the time I finished the deposition, I had regained my composure and hadn’t let my guard down. I couldn’t give Jerk Lawyer that satisfaction. But I was still unprepared. And scared. Even though I had the advice of my older sisters, I wished I hadn’t skipped all those birthing classes. Besides, I had gotten comfortable wearing my lawyer cape. Would a mommy cape even fit?

Chapter 3, pp. 50-51.

For the rest of the story, you’ll have to read the book.  Here’s the good news:  there’s a give-away TODAY at one of my favorite blog sites, All in a Day’s Thought.  Thanks much to author Wendy Paine Miller for her friendship and thoughtful review.

So, do you have any interesting birthing stories?

Were you calm and prepared?

Or, like me, were you completely unprepared and terrified?

(By the way, Nick is now 9 years old, but the photo above was taken just hours after his birth!  Isn’t he gorgeous? Just looking at this picture makes me want number 4!)

Tasting Heaven

(Written on my first day of vacation, August 12.)

Today, I am tasting heaven. 

I am watching Anna and Abby wade in Lake Huron.  The sun is shining on them, and they are smiling and laughing.  They are getting their clothes wet, and I’m thinking to myself, I should really make them change into bathing suits.

But I let them play.

So what if they are getting wet.  So what if we are late for dinner.  I don’t want this moment to end.

I wish time would stand still.  I wish they would never grow up.  I wish they could stay innocent forever.

So I let them play some more.

I am tasting heaven, and it is so so sweet. 

Tomorrow may be hell, but today I am tasting heaven.

*********

Part of me wishes I was still sitting on Lake Huron.  It’s Monday, and I’m back in the office.  But I’m refreshed and in good spirits. 

I close my eyes, and I can still taste heaven.  I can hear the water.  I can hear their laughter.  And I can almost feel the breeze on my face.

Sometimes, when we need it most, God gives us a taste of heaven.  Even on a Monday.

Taste and see that the LORD is good.  Psalm 34:8

This Blog Is On Vacation!

For the next week or so, I won’t be blogging. 

I won’t be reading comments and visiting other blogs.  I won’t be posting new content.  I also won’t be working.

It’s called vacation. 

I will be having fun.  I’ll be camping, hiking, swimming, fishing, reading, and hanging out with my family.  I’ll also be roasting marshmallows late at night, writing just for fun, and drinking my favorite red wine.

What am I looking forward to the most?  Probably just getting away and not having a schedule.   If you know me, you know that my life revolves around “The Schedule.” 

Schedules are overrated. 

I’m also looking forward to quality time with my husband and kids – before school starts up again – and getting to take off my lawyer hat for almost 10 days.

I’m taking a bunch of books with me.  Too many to read, but I’m (unfortunately) an overachiever by nature.  I’m really looking forward to starting God In The Yard, by L.L. Barkat, a 12-week course in discovery and playing towards God.

I need to slow down.  I need to stop talking.  I need to listen. 

I’ll miss you, and I’ll be much more refreshed when I return.  Have a good weekend, and remember to get some rest!

Is God Testing You?

God won’t ever tempt us.  But he does test us.  And sometimes, it isn’t very fun.

This past Sunday, Pastor Eric gave a sermon on the testing of Abraham.  In short, God tells Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, as a test of Abraham’s faith.

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.  Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."  Genesis 22:1-2

No, God didn’t want the death of Isaac.  But he did want the heart of Abraham.  And although Abraham was willing to give God everything – even his one and only son – God intervened and spared Isaac’s life.

"Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."  Genesis 22:12

Was God trying to play a cruel joke on Abraham?  What kind of God would put one of his followers through such agony, only to then say, “Well, I was just kidding about that sacrifice.  I just wanted to see what you were made of.”

These are tough questions that I don’t expect to get adequate answers for in this lifetime.  Sure, I’ve heard the obvious answers -- God had no intention of letting Abraham sacrifice Isaac; Abraham's (and Isaac’s) faith only grew stronger after the test; and God ultimately used the story to foreshadow, quite brilliantly, the sacrifice of his one an only son, Jesus, to demonstrate his unfathomable love for us.

These answers make sense in my head.  But in my heart, I still wrestle with the test.  Why was it necessary to put Abraham through such agony?  And how are we supposed to know the difference between a temptation and a test?

Pastor Eric explained it like this:

A temptation is something you want to do, but know you ought not to do.

A test is something you don’t want to do, but know you ought to do.

I had never heard it explained quite like this.  So simple, yet so difficult.

Who likes being tested?  No me.  Tests are something we all wish we could avoid.  Even the brightest students are relieved when final exams are over.  And unlike final exams, tests of the heart can be difficult to study for.  We don’t know when a test of the heart is going to be over, and sometimes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Has God been testing you lately?

Do you know how to recognize the difference between a temptation and a test?

And, does the story of Abraham’s test inspire you?  Or, like me, does it scare you to death and raise unanswered questions?

If you want to listen to or download Pastor Eric’s full sermon, follow the instructions here on his new blog.

If you want to check out his story, read his article Finding God At Dartmouth.

Should Writing Be Rated PG?

Life is not PG.  But my blog is.

Why not just tell it like it is?  After all, I’m a realist by nature.  I’m a lawyer, remember?  Lawyers are known to be savvy and even a little vulgar – not PG.

I usually write the blog when I’m not wearing my lawyer hat.  But that’s not why it’s rated PG.  Here are the reasons:

Nick reads it.  First and foremost, Nick (my 9-year-old son) reads the blog.  In fact, he’s probably reading this post right now.  What mother wouldn’t want to protect the innocence of her first-born son?  He’s going to get hit with enough of smut out there.  It doesn’t need to be coming from his own mother.  I need to be setting an example.

My mother reads it.  I know, I’m 40 years old, but I still care what my mother thinks.  For those of you who don’t know her, she’s never uttered a swear word in her entire life!  And, no, I’m not lying.  When I (jokingly) told her all the swearing had been edited out of Chasing Superwoman, she looked relieved.  But she also gave me a look that said, “Behave, Susan, you know better than to use those kind of words.”

You read it.  Last by not least, you read the blog.  No, I don’t expect that your life is rated PG.  But I do know that you’re getting hit with enough nasty words on a regular basis.  Sure, sometimes swearing is used to make a point – to provide exclamation points, particularly in the spoken word.  Besides, when we’re intentional and not reactive about communication, we don’t need vulgarity to make a point.

Let’s just put it this way.  I’ve never regretted saying something wholesome.  But I have regretted the times when I’ve opened my mouth without thinking – putting a worldly and even filthy spin on something that should have been PG.  And given that writing is usually more deliberate than the spoken word, I try to temper my impulses and keep it clean.

What do you think?  Do you prefer reading writing that is rated PG, or do writers like myself need a healthy dose of reality?

Maybe it has more to do with the message behind the content.  But I still can do without the smut.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Ephesians 4:29

Why I Joined High Calling Blogs

I still consider myself new to blogging.  But after you blog for a couple of months, you notice that there is no shortage of blogging “groups” out there.  In fact, there’s a group for everyone and everything.

At first, I ignored the blogging groups.  I frankly don’t have much time to blog every day, so I figured I’d just keep doing my thing (writing) and not worry about other bloggers.  In fact, I even thought blogging groups were rather weird.  Don’t these people have real friends?  And how do they have time for real lives when they are always hanging out online?

Then I stumbled upon a site called High Calling Blogs.

I didn’t jump in with both feet.  Just the opposite.  I was pretty cautious.  I read the blog for a couple of months.  I looked up the writers and editors.  I noticed who frequently posted comments.  I read and re-read the guidelines and mission statement.  And then I decided to join.

What drew me to High Calling Blogs?

Definitely the people.  People like Michelle DeRusha, Laura Boggess, and Diedra Riggs.  People who reached out to me to join the conversation, even when I wasn’t a “member.”  People who inspire and encourage in my own writing journey.

So, what has kept me at High Calling Blogs?

Definitely the people and the writing.  I’ve continued to connect with some incredible people.  But given the amount of time I already spend reading, I’m not going to take time to read a blog on a regular basis unless the writing grabs me!  After several months of reading, I was sold on the both the diversity and depth of content, as well as the quality of the writing. (For example, check out the thought-provoking posts Your Money Or Your (Spiritual) Life by Bradley M. Moore or Fractured Family by Gordon Atkinson)

If you haven’t visited High Calling Blogs, check it out for yourself.  Even if you’re not looking for another “group” to join or blog to read, you might just get hooked!

Have a great weekend!

Why I’m Not Getting A New Car

Today I’m joining Julia at Working Mom Wednesday.  The topic?  Money saving tips.  Which brings me to the subject of my post today:  Why I’m not getting a new car.

My car turned 10 years old this summer.  It has a few dents.  And sometimes I’m even embarrassed when I have to host clients or give my colleagues a ride to lunch.

So why am I keeping it?  After all, I can afford a new car, can’t I?

The answer is twofold:  1)  I have kids who tend to mess everything up; and 2)  I'd rather spend money elsewhere.

My kids will mess it up.

Did I mention that my car has permanent magic marker all over the back seat?  Compliments of my 4-year-old, Abby.  On any given day it also has old food smashed in the carpet, a couple of rotten sippy cups under the seats, and a few toys lying on the floor.

I know, I should teach my kids to be cleaner in the car.  We’re working on it.  But we’re always in a hurry, and on the priority list of life, keeping my car “clean” from kid junk is almost dead last.

Maybe when my kids are all moved out and I’m an empty nester, I’ll get a fancy new car.  But not now.

I’d rather spend money elsewhere.

At this stage of life, I really don’t care about a new car.  Don’t get me wrong, I like to have nice things (and I don’t blame or judge those who decide a new car is worth the bang for the buck) but I would frankly rather have the freedom to put our money elsewhere, which includes a combination of spending, saving, and giving.  (Did I mention that we have 3 kids to put through college in a few years?)

Believe me, my family will spend (and even waste) money on a host of things this year.  But a new car won’t be one of them!

Let’s face it.  We all make choices with our money.

How do you save money, and what have you decided to do without this year?

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  Matthew 6:20

The Superwoman Complex

I’ve been asked the same question over and over again.  Why did you title your book Chasing Superwoman?

Here’s the short answer.
. 
The Superwoman complex runs deep.  As a wife, lawyer, and mother of three young children, I’ve wrestled deeply with the tension between my career, my family, and my faith. Yes, I’ve been accused of trying to do it all. Like most mothers, I can’t say no, so I’m known to over commit in just about every area of my life, running around in circles trying to achieve some unattainable level of perfection. Sometimes, I even get in a groove and tell myself, I can do this. Like Superwoman, I don’t need anybody’s help.


But just when I think I have everything under control, I inadvertently skip carpool duty, miss a deadline, or forget my sister’s birthday. And I’m lucky if I get up early enough to get everyone breakfast and out the door on time. While I have every intention of making healthy dinners and packing sugar-free lunches, I always seem to cut corners on nutrition. I’m known to get really annoyed with my kids when they don’t listen, and I often complain to my husband, “You just don’t understand what it’s like to be me.”

Most days I fall far short of being Superwoman.  Yet I keep chasing her!  And I don’t think I’m alone.

Do you ever find yourself chasing Superwoman?  If so, join me for the Superwoman Series - we'll  be returning to this topic in future blogs.