What Is A Son?

[Nick, my firstborn, turns 10 today.  My heart is full and my hands are lifted.  I’m so grateful to be his mother.]



A Son is Joy.  He keeps my glass full.  He brings a smile to my face.  His spark quickly changes my mood, showing me the goodness in the moment and the divine on the ordinary.


A Son is Laughter.  He has that charming yet ridiculous boyish sense of humor.  He wears mirrored glasses and a shower cap in the airport.  Just for fun.  He tells silly jokes I will never fully understand.  But I still laugh.  Hard.


A Son is Pain.  I hurt when he hurts.  I watch him learn lessons and I want to intervene.  But I don’t.  I hold back, knowing that God is in control.  Not me.  I watch him grow and mature and my heart aches, knowing that I must let go.  Again and again.


A Son is a Mirror.  When I look at him, I see my strengths. And my weaknesses. I see the possibilities – the hopes and the dreams.  He brings out the best in me, and sometimes the worst.  I can’t help but stare.  I don’t look away.


A Son is a Companion.  He’s my back-seat driver, my biggest critic, and my biggest fan.  He invites me to build a sand castle.  I can't say no, even though I hate getting my hands dirty.  He’s my night owl who stays up with me late and asks me tough questions about life and faith.  He pours out his heart.  I am his confidant, and I reciprocate his trust.  


A Son is a Gift.  He has been entrusted to me for a time.  I want to give him my best, and I don’t want to screw up this privilege called motherhood.  He is a gift from God.  He is pure grace, and through my son I experience the deepest love of the Father.  

For the last 10 years, I have humbly held my son.  But he is getting too big to hold.  So instead I walk beside him and trust that the Father will hold us both.

Happy Birthday, my son. 

The Ride Home From Vacation

The ride home from vacation is always a drag.  In fact, it’s not just the ride home.  It’s that pit in my stomach that starts as the week comes to a close.  I think about reentering reality and it paralyzes my thoughts, robbing me of the enjoyment of the moment.

It will be over soon.  Why does it have to go so fast?

I sat on the airplane, worrying about the week ahead.

How am I going to get through all my emails before Monday morning? 

I need to get on top of the kids’ homework this week.

Don’t forget about the kids’ make-up tennis lessons.

There is nothing in the refrigerator.

Did I miss the deadline to register for camp this summer?

How am I going to find the time to train for this half marathon?  Should I drop out?

My mind continued to wander.

Then, unexpectedly, after some initial conversation, the guy sitting next to me handed me a copy of God Calling, a devotional I’ve intended to read for quite some time.

“Take it,” he said. 

So I began to read.  Right there.  Right then.

March 26

“What of a man walking through a glorious glade who fretted because ahead there lay a river and he might not be able to cross it, when all the time, that river was spanned by a bridge.”

Ah, yes, the bridge.  I’m so worried about the river that sometimes I don’t see the bridge.  Or the boat.  Or the life jacket. 

There’s nothing worse than fretting over what we don’t know, can’t see, and can’t control.   Predictions and possibilities are not reality.  Reality is right here.  Right now.  In this very moment God has given me. 
Would I reenter my daily routine with grace and peace or with stress and worry?

*************

I’m linking up (a bit late) today with Hear It On Sunday, Use It On Monday and Playdates With God.   It's good to be back.

Grace and peace to you, my friends.

This Blogger Is On Vacation!

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. ~Robert Orben

See you on March 28~!

Does Your Life (or Blog) Need a Facelift?

Spring is just around the corner.  Which is why I decided I need a face lift.

It’s not what you’re thinking.  (Ok, maybe I am a bit vain, but I’m not getting plastic surgery any time soon.)

I’m talking about a face lift for my blog!

Why does a face lift make me “feel” better?  After all, it’s the same blog.  The same content.  The same message.

But it still feels new. 

It’s like trying a new recipe. Putting on a new dress.  Drinking a fresh cup of coffee.

Remember what it felt like to get a new pair of shoes as a kid?  You could run faster and jump higher.  And my own children are no different.  Sure, they may be materialistic (like the rest of America) but I also believe something else is going on inside of them.  Something deeper.

I am convinced there is a God-given desire inside of all of us that wants to be made new. 

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” (Rev 21:5)

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. (Ezekiel 36:26 NLT)

Can you feel it? 

It’s that tug inside our hearts that tells us there is something more. Something beautiful.  Even something new. 

Maybe it’s time for a face lift.

Are You Living For A List (Or Love!)?

 

Which commandment is most important?  That’s what the religious leaders asked Jesus over 2000 years ago.

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”  (Mark 12:28)

This Sunday, Pastor Eric led us through Jesus’ answer to this question.

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12-29-31)

Love God and love your neighbor.  It sounds so simple.  So why is it so difficult?

*********

Two thousand years later.  I’m still asking the same question.  Except it sounds a bit different in my modern day, complicated world.

I can’t do it all God, so you’re just going to have to help me prioritize.  What’s most important?

• Being faithful to my spouse and children?
• Being honest in my daily work?
• Serving the poor and disadvantaged?
• Giving my money (or my time)?
• Taking time to rest and worship?

I get exhausted just thinking about keeping all the “commandments,” knowing that most days I fall far short.  Which is why I need to remind myself -- it’s not about a list.   It’s not about a hierarchy of do’s and don’ts.

It’s about love.

A love that gets me out of bed in the morning.  A love that fills my empty heart during quiet moments.  A love that gives me peace as I lay my head to rest, not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

I’d rather live for love than a list.  Lists weight us down.  Love fills us up.

How about you?

Winners For The Christian Mama's Guide!

Guess who won a copy of The Christian Mama's Guide To Having A Baby?

(Drum roll please)

The winners are.........

Laura Boggess and Amy Sullivan. 

Congratulations ladies!  I'll be in touch to get your mailing addresses.  Have a good weekend!

Do Online Parents Ignore Their Chilldren?

I was sitting next to a mom in a waiting room recently, watching her ignore her 2-year-old child. 

Like me, she was waiting for her older children to finish up their lessons.  Like me, she had brought her Ipad.  And like me, she probably hates to waste time sitting around and doing “nothing.” 

The two-year-old asked her for some water.  She replied (without looking up), “Wait until after the lessons.”  Her daughter continued to ask, and the mother continued to ignore, fixated on the screen in front of her.

Next, the daughter asked to go to the bathroom.  After rolling her eyes and huffing and puffing, the mother finally put down her Ipad and escorted her daughter to the bathroom.

She was back in two minutes.  Online again.

When her older son (who looked about 5 years old) was finished with his lesson, the mother barely looked up.  He started to help himself to a tray of donuts on the table next to us, when she snapped.

“Don’t touch those.  Sometimes, I can’t believe you!  I’m tired of you not listening!”

She announced they were leaving, dragging him out by the hood of his coat.  The 2-year-old followed behind.

I started to feel badly for these children.  I even started to judge their mother.  Some parents are so obsessed with themselves.  How can a mother ignore her own children and act like they are a complete bother?

Then I looked down at my Ipad. 

How many times have I said to my kids, “Not, now, wait until I finish this email?” Or how many times have I nodded my head and pretended to listen when my eyes (and my attention) are focused on a screen in front of me?

Yesterday, I read a thoughtful post from Michelle DeRusha who is giving up multi-tasking for Lent!  No, I’m no ready to go there yet.  But it did make me wonder.

Does anyone really get my undivided attention these days?

The Christian Mama’s Guide To Having A Baby: Book Review and Give-Away!

Today, on Hear It On Sunday, Use It On Monday I’ve decided to give away (and review) a newly released book.  The Christian Mama’s Guide To Having A Baby, by Erin MacPherson.



What book would you give an expectant mother?  Many of us have found books like What to Expect When You’re Expecting useful, but have you ever looked for other alternatives -- like a practical, witty guide for expectant mothers, from a Christian perspective?

The Christian Mama’s Guide may be exactly what you’re looking for.

What’s so special about this book?

Well, to start, MacPherson's writing is tender, blunt, and hilarious.  She obviously reads the minds of expectant mothers!  The Christian Mama's Guide is full of practical advice, humor, and spiritual insight.  MacPherson squarely tackles the questions that everyone is afraid to ask --especially Christians -- ranging from sex, intimacy, exercise, and alcohol. 

The Christian Mama's Guide is decisive yet not dogmatic.  MacPherson provides a much-needed voice for today's expectant mother who longs to follow God in a fast-paced and complex world -- a mother who is savvy, excited, and often scared to death!  She comforts expectant mothers with the voice of a "big sister" that has gone before them. 

I wish this book existed 10 years ago when I was expecting my first born.  While there is no lack of information for expectant mothers, there is clearly a lack of spiritual mentoring -- MacPherson takes an important step to bridge the mentoring gap for new mothers.

So, don’t you want a copy of this book -- for a friend, a co-worker, or even for yourself? 
Just post a comment before Friday at 5:00 EST.  I’ll be drawing two winners for a give-away!

Should Kids Engage In Social Media?

There’s much discussion over Michelle Obama’s decision not to let her daughters on Facebook.

And she’s not the only parent wrestling with this decision.  Well before our children will encounter other milestones – like driving, dating, and staying out late with friends -- we have to make some serious decisions about their use of technology and the internet.

I for one believe these are difficult decisions.  Writers like Amy Sullivan remind us our teens are spending almost 8 hours a day online!   But social media isn’t all bad for our youth. For example, social media has actually engaged Generation Y in politics (a good thing, in my opinion). 

But my kids are still too young to take the plunge.

My son, Nick, is almost 10, and he’s already bugging me for an email account.  I’m just not ready to go there.  (And, no, he doesn’t have his own cell phone yet.)  Yet other parents tell me that mobile phones help them communicate with their kids and even track them with GPS! 

Right now, I just tell Nick that we’ll revisit the issue when he’s a bit older.  I also give him access to my personal email account to communicate with out-of-town family members and friends. And he’s known to read my blog and hang over my shoulder when I’m Tweeting. By some parents’ standards, I’m already giving him too much access to the complicated world of social media.

So what’s a parent to do?  I’ve found that most parents fall into some combination of the following three categories.

1)  Don’t ask don’t tell. 

Some parents simply don’t want to know.

Kids will be kids.  There’s nothing I can do to, so why bother to get involved. 

Others would rather engage in denial.

My kids will never abuse technology.  They know better than that!

These parents shudder to find out – after the fact – that their daughter has been posting inappropriate photos on MySpace or their minor son has an online (older) girlfriend.

2)  Social media is the Devil.

Other parents simply ban social media all together.  They cut off access at home.  They spend money on blocking devices. They caution their kids about the dangers of the online world.  Even though the minimum age for Facebook is 13 years old, they insist that their children are 18 (or older) before maintaining any type of internet profile. 

While these parents appear extreme, the rest of us can understand their fears, particularly with the threat of child pornography and unhealthy online relationships.

3)  Get involved and stay involved. 

Still other parents – like me – plan to strike a balance.  We’re not exactly pushing our kids to join start Tweeting at age 13 (I’m not sure any 13-year-old has the judgment for Twitter -- some days I’m not even sure I do!) but we’re going to expose our kids to the online world on our terms, which means we have to get involved.

The parents I know who successfully strike this balance tend to share passwords (and friends) with their kids, implement privacy settings, and visit their children’s social media sites at least once a day. 

There are no easy answers. And, as a parent, I know I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and try to do what’s best for my family.  (And, if I were in Michelle Obama’s shoes, I don’t think I’d let my daughters on Facebook either!)

What’s your social media strategy for your children?

Are You Grumpy Today?

I was sitting in church when the pastor started out with a question:

“Are you grumpy today?”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  It had been one of those mornings.

I got up early to make waffles and by 9:00 a.m. the kitchen looked like a tornado had swept through it.  Abby got syrup all over her new dress. Nick forgot to roll up his sleeves.  And Anna had sticky mouth.  I finally cleaned up the kitchen – and the kids -- and kicked on the dishwasher.  But it wouldn’t start.

This is the third time we’ve had to get this stupid dishwasher fixed this year.  We should have bought the extended warranty.

The dishwasher would have to wait.  I loaded the kids in the car – we were already running late – and I turned the ignition.  Dead battery.  After a quick jump, we’d be lucky to get to church before the sermon started.

Yes, I was grumpy all right.  I had my grumpy pants on, and I wasn’t about to take them off.  Not even for church. 

Yet in the midst of my pity party, I could hear God calling.  Very softly.  But very directly.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.  (I Thes 5: 16-18 NLT)

I think he might be talking to me!

*******

Is it Friday yet?  Is anyone else grumpy?

The Devil Is In the Details!

 
I’m not a stickler for details.  I’m your big-picture girl.  It’s all about the ideas.  (And I’ve got some pretty big ideas.)  Someone else can be in charge of the minutia.

Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re talking about an inborn personality trait.  Let’s face it, there are some characteristics we are just born with.

A long time ago, I learned that there are two kinds of people.  Lumpers and Splitters.

In psychological terms, Lumpers see similarities instead of differences – we “lump” our thoughts together.  Lumpers focus on the overall goal and roll over the details. We assign categories in our brains broadly.
 
Not so for Splitters.  Splitters see differences.  And they assign new categories in their brains based on these differences, which means they tend to spot important issues but sometimes go off on tangents.  And we need both kinds of people to make our workplaces (and our homes) thrive. 

I’m a Lumper, which is good news and bad news. 

I always like to give the good news first:

• I don’t stress over the details. 
• I can usually see the big picture.
• I don’t mind delegating the little stuff.
• I focus on getting it done, it doesn’t have to be perfect!

Here’s the bad news.

• Sometimes, I move too fast.
• I get impatient with splitters.
• Missing details can result in mistakes.
• Even though I don’t mind delegating, my “ideas” are usually pretty darn specific (and I expect others to read my mind since I don’t labor over details).

A former boss once scolded me, “Susan, the Devil is in the details!”

I felt like shouting back to her, “No, the Devil is the details!”

Besides, that’s what Splitters are for.  (Have I mentioned that I am married to a Splitter?)

Do Small Children Bug You In Church?

It’s really hard to focus during the sermon when my four-year-old Abby is hanging on me, dropping crayons, or complaining that she wants a drink of water.  How are parents of young children supposed to engage in worship?  And what about the people sitting next to us?

Today, I’m linking up with Michelle DeRusha at Graceful for “Hear It On Sunday, Use it On Monday.”
I was going to link up last Monday for the kick-off, but I got a little distracted during the sermon, and I couldn’t pull my thoughts together for a blog post. It was one of those weeks where Mom Abby was particularly impatient. She kept getting out of her seat to go to the bathroom (she claimed she had a stomach ache) and when the pastor said “Amen” and the church was stone quiet, she blurted out rather loudly, “Is it over yet?”

Why do we drag her to church?  Why make a 4-year-old sit through a boring worship service when her older siblings are in Sunday School?   

To start, I for one believe that small children benefit from worship.  Abby knew the Lord’s Prayer before her ABC’s, and she bellows her words loudly and claps her hands and sways her hips to the music. I’ve been in some churches where this wouldn’t be acceptable, but our church in infested with children.  Lots of them.  (Heck, my Pastor Eric has 5 little ones of his own!)  Besides, we usually sit toward the back.

So why isn’t she in the 4-year-old Sunday School class that meets during worship?  The answer is simple.  Yours truly is her Sunday School teacher at the next service, so after worship we’re off to Sunday School.  Together.

What did I learn from the sermon this week?  Lots.  So much that I’ll have to save it for another post.  Instead of worrying about Abby, I adjusted my attitude and expectations.  I decided that for this season of my life, I’m going to enjoy the warmth of a sweaty 4-year-old on my lap who has to go to the bathroom.  And when she prays the Lord’s Prayer at the top of her lungs, I’m going to savor every word. The next time she gets antsy, I might even let her out early to get a drink.

Now, I’m headed over to Graceful.  For those of you who haven’t met Michelle DeRusha, she’s a rocking (not shopping) mom who works at NPR, has her own newspaper column, and blogs like an angel.  And she’s not buying herself clothes for a year!  Sounds like someone I can learn from!  (She’s also newly represented by the extraordinary Rachelle Gardner, and I really can’t wait to read Michelle’s memoir once it’s in print.)

Does Exercise Make You A Better Mom?

I wanted to get up early and exercise, but I hit the snooze button instead.  I had already stayed up too late the night before pounding on my laptop – it was time to bask in a few moments of extra sleep.  After all, with all the demands of work, home, and everything in between, who has time to exercise?

I just can’t add one more thing to my schedule.  It will have to wait until next month or even next year.


But wait a minute.  Before I throw in the towel and give up, I need to be intentional about this.  Maybe a regular exercise routine will improve both my spiritual and physical state.  Maybe it will even make me a better mom.  After all, research tells us that exercise reduces stress.  In fact, it even puts you in a better mood.  And truth be told, I was a little grouchy this morning.  I even snapped at Anna for putting her shoes on too slowly and I yelled at Nick for leaving his lunch box at school.

I’m the perfect candidate for exercise.  But I’m also too busy.  So, what’s the solution?

For starters, I really hate cookie-cutter answers.  Which is why I never buy books that claim things like “10 secrets to making exercise a priority” or “how to manage your health and your job.”  So if you are looking for a 5-step program with some profound answers, please stop reading.  You just might be disappointed in what I have to say.  (Besides, others have written some useful tips on this subject such as Working Moms and Working Out.)

My advice?

You have to find a solution that works for you. 

For me, it means having a plan – and having accountability.  Which is why I signed up to run my first half-marathon this Spring with my niece.  (Hey, I might not finish, but having a tangible goal is going to get me out of the covers and onto the pavement!)  You’ll probably find a different solution. 

I’m convinced that exercise will make us better moms, dads, spouses, friends, professionals, and even writers. The easy part is talking about it. The hard part is doing it!

Do You Follow Doctor’s Orders?

 
Who knows what’s best for my health?  Me (who has no medical training whatsoever) or, a licensed medical professional?

Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re talking about something we’re bad at.  You guessed it, I’m bad at following doctor’s orders.  Let’s just say I’m a bit stubborn. 

For starters, I hate going to the doctor.  I hate the sight of blood, and most medication makes me vomit.  One of the reasons I respect those who choose the medical profession?  I could never do it.

And I do mean never.

For the record, hospitals creep me out.  They’re too sterile.  Too lifeless.  Too depressing.  Which is why I tried to break out early when I had my third-born, Abby.  (The nurse was ready to call security.)  Which is why I never finish my prescription medicine.  (Who needs drugs when you’re feeling better?)  Which is why I tend to self-diagnose every aliment on the internet.  (Who needs the hassle of an office visit when you have WebMD?)

I also can’t stand waiting rooms.  The doctors are always running late, and someone always tries to make me turn off my cell phone.  Or, worse – I’m forced to stop tweeting because some nurse thinks the internet connection will interfere with the x-ray machine.

But, wait.  Before you think I’m a terrible mother, you should know one thing.  When it comes to my children, I usually break my own rules.  I rush my kids to the doctor’s office for every sniffle, we finish all the medicine, and I even turn off my cell phone in the waiting room.  (Ok, not always, but I definitely turn it off if there’s an x-ray machine in plain view.)

I’m even known to follow doctor’s orders.  Unless of course my motherly instincts are telling me to instead follow my gut. 

Didn’t God give us instincts for a reason? 

The Work Of A Lawyer

I’ll never forget how hard it was to wait. Those last two days and two nights seemed like an eternity.
What could be taking the jury so long? Hadn’t we put on a solid defense? Was it really that close? And what kind of system puts an important dispute in the hands of eight complete strangers?

I was starting to second-guess myself.

[Join me at The High Calling to continue]

Why I'm Hooked On Grace

If you’re reading this, I am assuming a couple of things about you.  You’re one of those people who is pushing yourself toward something.  Career. Family. Spiritual Growth. Relationships.

And, if you’re like me, you don’t want to settle.  You don’t want to wake up in 20 years and say, “Geez, that was a big waste of time!”

We only get one shot at this life, don’t we?

This intense pressure – to take the best shot at life that we can – may drive us to action.  It just might drive us to step out of our comfort zones, to change, and to grow.

But it can also paralyze us.

After all, who wants to fail?  Isn’t it just easier to settle?  And if you don’t try, maybe you can protect yourself from disappointment.

I was recently reading a thoughtful post by David Rupert titled “Why Do We Stay in Bad Jobs?”  It got me thinking.  Isn’t it fear – and specifically the fear of failure – that holds us back from achieving our true potential?

This is where grace comes in.  You see, I think God already has this whole “fear of failure” thing under control.  Grace means that I don’t have to perform.  I don’t have to have a road map.  And I don’t even have to get it right the first time. 

Someone else got it right for me.  I just have to accept a gift.

I know, this sounds too simplistic.   Some would even argue that grace destroys motivation.  Why try to be the best if you don’t have to?

I don’t know about you, but when someone gives me a gift – especially a gift I don’t deserve – I want to give back.  I want to show that I’m grateful.  I too want to experience the grace of giving.  And when I experience unconditional love – love that isn’t dependant on what I’ve done for you or what you expect from me -- I want to love back. 

Besides, if my identity is secure, I don’t have to worry about proving myself.  I am free to be me – a child of God.  Sure, on the outside, I might look like a mother, a lawyer, a writer.  But all of that could be gone tomorrow.  I’ll be a child of God forever.

Which means I don’t have to worry about whether my writing is good, great or lousy.  Heck, I don’t even need to worry about who is reading this blog (if anyone!) or who is going to post my next Amazon review.  Even typos aren’t the end of the world (ok, they are still really annoying).

Grace has set me free.  And it’s a great feeling.

How about you?

*****

[I’ll be traveling internationally next week and won’t be blogging.  I sure will miss you, but I’m going to give myself some grace, ok?]

Is Good Writing Good Enough?

If you’re passionate about life, good probably isn’t good enough.

You don’t just want to be known as a good parent, a good employee, a good friend.  You want to be great!  Maybe even excellent.

Something inside of us wants to be better than good.  

The problem? 

Some days, we’re not so great.  In fact, we’ve not even good.  We barely get by on average and we hope no one will notice when we really screw up.

I was thinking about this dilemma the other day – not being good enough – in the context of writing. 

Some of us want to be great writers.  But great writing takes time.  It takes talent.  It takes discipline and determination.

The truth is, we can’t be great at everything.  And while I’m far from a perfectionist, some days I just don’t want to settle for good.  Which means I have to make some choices.

Enter the dreaded zero sum game.  Time is finite.  Which means the more I strive to excel in one area, the more I neglect another. 

Do you ever find that good just isn’t good enough?

Is Life A Juggling Act Or a Blender?

I used to think my life was like a juggling act. Truth be told, it’s more like a blender.

Don’t get me wrong, juggling a full-time job, three kids, a spouse, and extended family and friends (not to mention writing and hobbies) involves lots of balls. But sometimes, I run out of hands. I’m even known to drop a few balls in mid air.

Which is where the blender comes in. Forget juggling. I just throw it all into the same bowl and turn on the switch. There are three speeds -- low, medium, and high. I usually run on medium, and I save high for when I really need it – like when I’m up all night with a sick kid and need to be in court the next morning.  But even in moments of complete and utter chaos, I've learned to make a pretty good shake. I’ve even gotten used to the fact that there are no hard and fast lines between my worlds. That’s right, I’m at my best when I abandon the juggling act and just turn on the blender. And I’m not alone.  Integrating life and work is an emerging trend.

In a world of technology, social media, and careers that demand nothing less than a chunk of our flesh, it’s no longer realistic to compartmentalize. The days of “work time” and “personal time” are over.  Every time I try to draw a line in the sand, it backfires. The phone rings when I’m trying to fix dinner and it’s a client emergency. How can I ignore the call?  I’m sitting in an important meeting and my secretary interrupts with a message -- my son is sick at school and needs me. Of course, I run out to get him.

Some would accuse me of lacking balance.

My response?  Balance is out.  Blenders are in.  Why fight it?  I’m not saying it’s right or wrong.  For many of us, it’s just the way it is.  I’m tired of changing my cape every time I switch from home to work and work to home. I’m a passionate mother and a passionate lawyer. Can’t I be both at the same time? Or do I need to take great pains to compartmentalize my life so that no one can ever discover the real me?

Should You Talk About Your Kids At Work?

 
Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re answering a tough question:  should working moms (and dads) talk about their kids at work?

Here’s my short answer:  know your audience.

Even though you think little “Junior” is the greatest thing since sliced bread, not everyone cares.  Some working adults don’t have kids.  Some don’t like kids.  Others are just over them (been there, done that!).  Still others haven’t reached that stage in life – and it scares them just thinking about it.

I was sitting down at dinner with a new client the other evening, and he started moaning about all the screaming kids on his flight.  I quickly looked at his hand – no wedding ring.  (Of course, this doesn’t mean he doesn’t have children of his own, but I tend to watch for the signs.) 

Note to self:  I probably shouldn’t lead the conversation with stories about my darling children.

On the other hand, some of us – especially women – make the mistake of thinking that any reference to our personal lives isn’t “professional.”  So we hide the pictures of our children and act like we’re not mothers – just because we don’t want others to think we have “Mommy Mush Brain.”   This too can be a mistake.  As a lawyer and a mother, some of my closest bonds with both my colleagues and clients have centered around my children.

But I still walk that tight rope. 

How To Be Rude During A Meeting

It used to be that the rudest guy (or gal) in a meeting was the guy who never shuts up.  You know who I’m talking about.  The guy who constantly talks.  And talks.  I’ll call him “Talking Tom.”

He’s only interested in himself.   Talking Tom isn’t interested in anybody else’s ideas.

The eyes usually start rolling during one of his monologues.  Somebody really should tell Talking Tom to shut up.  But nobody does.  So he keeps talking.

It makes for a long meeting.


Talking Tom, however, has a new rival.  Her name? “Texting Terry.”

I think you know her.  She’s always texting and emailing on her mobile device.  She even takes it to the bathroom.  And during a meeting, she just can’t stop.  Reading messages.  Sending messages.  Forwarding messages. 

Like Talking Tom, Texting Terry only appears interested in herself.  She’s too busy texting to listen to others.  Sure, when it’s her turn to speak, she’ll put her device down and become engaged.  But it won’t last.  As soon as her part is “over” she’ll zone out again.

It makes for a frustrating meeting.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the rudest of them all – Talking Tom or Texting Terry?

You decide!