Why I Changed My Name

Why did I change the name of my blog?  Not to mention I’ve changed my Twitter name from @LawyerMommy to @SusanDiMickele.  Is Lawyer Mommy dead?  Done?  Looking for a new identity?

It’s a good question.  And some of you have asked. 

As you may know, I’m pretty new in this writing business.  I’m a first-time author, and I’ve been blogging for less than two years.  So I try to pay attention to the experts in the business, like my agent Rachelle Gardner and social media guru Kristen Lamb, who advise us authors to use our published NAME when we write.  (For example, check out Kristen’s post this week on Jane Friedman’s blog.)

But just because I’m told to do something doesn’t mean I’m going to do it.  So I’ve thought about this “branding issue” for myself and I’ve concluded that it makes sense to use my full name as a writer for two main reasons:  1)  My name isn’t going to change; and 2) My name is who I am.

My Name Isn’t Going to Change

I’ve been married for almost 20 years.  I took my husband’s name shortly before law school and never looked back.  A couple of years ago, I thought about running for political office and the powers that be told me my Maiden name, Moore, would be more “ballot friendly.”  My husband agreed (plus, being a private person, he didn’t want his name smeared in a campaign).

“Suz, you really should have kept your maiden name.”

Gee honey, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think!

The fact of the matter is, I’m not changing my name.  I’m Susan DiMickele (pronounced “De-Michael”).  Period.

It sounds terribly simple, but it’s true.  Lots of things in life change – our careers, relationships, goals – but our names generally stick with us.

Plus, I’m terribly indecisive.  Case in point.  In less than two years, I’ve changed the name of my blog two times.  (Sorry, I’m not a branding genius. Remember I said I was new at this?)

My Name Is Who I Am

My name is no secret.  I’m easy to find.  I have a public profile as a lawyer and a public profile as an author.  Same name.  Same person.  (Not to mention I’ve already published Chasing Superwoman under Susan DiMickele.) 

If I was really clever, I would have published under my Maiden name (or under a trendy pen name), but I’m not that smart.  I tend to let it all hang out there.  Like it or not.  It’s me.  My name is who I am.

And I thank God some things in life don’t change!

Have you ever wrestled with the use of your name for a creative or artistic endeavor?

Are You Ready For A One-Star Review?

It’s no fun getting a one-star review on Amazon.  What’s worse?  Having your 10-year-old son read it in front of you.

When Nick looked up, he was fighting the tears.  Trying to stay strong.  Trying to act like it didn’t matter.

Then he gave his own critique.

“You know, Mom, some of this is probably true.  But, you know what really upsets me?  She didn’t criticize your book.  She criticized you.  And she doesn’t even know you.”

[To continue reading, join me here at the Wordserve Water Cooler.]

Marketing 101: Know Yourself. Be Yourself. Stop Whining.

How do you best market yourself as a writer (and a person)?

In one short post, I’m going to share my playbook.  I’m linking up with Rachelle Gardner and my fellow colleagues at WordServe Literary to give away some unsolicited marketing secrets.

Don’t read this post if you are looking for a shortcut to building a platform.  I don’t have one.  And please don’t read this if you’re looking for time-saving secrets on social media, online communities, or networking with other bloggers.  Sorry.  I don’t have easy answers.  While I engage in all of these strategies, I’d like to share a different perspective.

Know yourself.  Be yourself.  Stop whining.

1)  Know Yourself.

You want practical advice, not a soap box.  Right?  I get it.  So here’s how “knowing myself” has worked so far.

First, I know my limitations.  I have no time to waste.  I’m a too-busy lawyer with three small kids and a husband who already thinks I’m stretched 100 ways too many.  Does this stop me?  Of course not.  I just have to make choices. 

• I shoot for quality, not quantity.  I choose to connect with other writers and readers that are like-minded – people who inspire and sharpen me, regardless of what they can “do” for me.  And while I’m not making the biggest splash around, it’s been incredibility meaningful.  Meaning motivates me.
• I hang out on Twitter because it’s fun and efficient.  Of all the social media vehicles, I like Twitter the best.  It’s fast, fun, and incredibly efficient.  I’ve been on Twitter for less than a year, and it’s hands down driven more traffic to my blog than any other source. 
• I’ve joined one online community, and I’m committed.  About a year ago, I joined The High Calling as a contributing editor.  I guess you could say it’s part of my marketing plan, but that’s not why I do it.  I feel at home there.  It’s a place I’d hang out even if I bagged the whole writing scene.  
• I’m in it for the long haul.  There’s no quick fix.  I know that my personal platform is going to happen brick by brick.  I’m not looking for quick results, just measurable progress over time. 

2)  Be Yourself. 

Now, you may wonder what this has to do with marketing.  Stick with me, it’s a fair question.

When I was a young trial lawyer, an old pro pulled me aside (come to think of it, I think he smacked me over the head) and gave me some key advice.

“Always be yourself in front of the jury.  If you act fake, they can see right through it.”

Pretty good, huh?

I happen to think readers are a lot like jurors.  So in this world of marketing madness on steroids, I’ve decided to just be me.  I just can’t fake the whole networking thing.  If I went around leaving random comments on blogs that said, “Please follow me and I’ll follow you back” I think I would shoot myself.  (I don’t do auto messages either.)

The good news?  If I’m networking with you, it means I actually like you.  I'm not faking it.

Besides, being myself is the one thing I can do better than anybody else.  (You probably have that same gift.)

3)  Quit Whining.

Writers love to whine (present company especially included).  We have it so hard, don’t we?

Lisa doesn’t work outside her home.  Of course, she has all the time in the world to market and network.

Terry developed a platform because he has a big endorser.  It must be nice.  I don’t know anyone important.

Marketing isn’t what I signed up for.  I just want to write, ok? 

I’m an artist!  Marketing is beneath me.

Excuses, excuses.  Does this sound familiar?

Look, we all know that marketing doesn’t drive us to write.  Writing drives us to market.   You may think marketing is just a necessary evil (or just plain evil) but if you are passionate about getting your message out to other people, you’re going to have to sell yourself to an audience. 

So stop whining and get to work!

Yeah, the work involves things like blogging and networking – the things I already told you I haven’t mastered.  But if you set your mindset first – know yourself, be yourself, and quit whining – it might not be as tough as you think.

It’s actually tougher!

[If you care to continue the discussion on all things writing, please join me and my WordServe colleagues daily at the WordServe Water Cooler.  I'm thrilled to be part of this newly-launched community of talented writers.]

Is Writing Deadly?

I spend a lot of time sitting.  And according to a new study, this can be deadly!

That’s right.  A recently study by the American Cancer Association shows sitting too much will shave years off your life.  Women who sit more the 6 hours a day are 40% more likely to die sooner than women who sit only 3 hours a day (for men, the same study shows excessive sitters die 20% sooner).

Just a bit alarming.   Don’t you think?

Even putting my day job aside, what about all the time I spend writing.  Yikes!  How does one write (or blog) without sitting behind a computer?  It’s virtually impossible.

Am I taking years off my life at this very moment as I sit behind this screen, exercising only my fingers and my brain?  Ok, I’m starting to panic.  But what are my options, anyway?

1.  Quit writing.  I could find a new hobby.  I could take up golf or try roller skating.  Or maybe I should put the treadmill in the middle of our family room and start watching TV.  Better yet, I could start cleaning in the evenings.  My husband would be thrilled (since he doesn’t share my view that a clean house is overrated).  But I just might be miserable.  I’m terrible at golf, I haven’t roller skated since 7th grade, and I really hate TV.  Need I say anything about cleaning?

2.  Exercise more.  Given all the time I spend sitting, I just need to kick the cardio up a notch.  I could start running more.  I could train for another half-marathon.  I could try P90X again, even though the first time I wanted to die (not to mention eat everything in sight).  Or maybe I should be one of those people who parks her car in the far corner of the lot.  (I can just hear my kids complaining about the extra walking, but maybe I need to start working on them early!)

3.  Stand more.  I could get rid of my chair and my desk.  I could get one of those standing work stations – you know, the kind that is ergonomically correct so that I’m not hunched over when I type.  I could even get a stool (just for resting periods), and I could time myself to make sure I don’t sit more than 3 hours a day.  My mother happens to be pretty good at standing.  I can’t tell you how many times we’ve said, “Sit down, Mom!” and she replies,

“I’d rather stand!”

 Maybe she is on to something.

4.  Ignore the research.  But then again, aren’t you sick and tired of these studies?  It’s like we have no future – everything has been predetermined.  If you eat chips, you’re going to die of heart disease.  If you smoke, you’re going to die of lung cancer.  If you ride a motorcycle, you’re going to get killed in an accident.  Pretty soon, you’re going to tell me that my life span is genetic, and there’s nothing I can do about it!  Am I just another statistic?  And if God is in control, does my sitting (or lack of sitting) really make a difference anyway?

Maybe not.  But I don’t think I’m going to ignore the research either.  No, I’m not going to stop writing.  I’m not going jump back on P90X or get rid of my desk chair. 

But I think I’m going to try to sit less.  Want to join me?

Why I'm Hooked On Grace

If you’re reading this, I am assuming a couple of things about you.  You’re one of those people who is pushing yourself toward something.  Career. Family. Spiritual Growth. Relationships.

And, if you’re like me, you don’t want to settle.  You don’t want to wake up in 20 years and say, “Geez, that was a big waste of time!”

We only get one shot at this life, don’t we?

This intense pressure – to take the best shot at life that we can – may drive us to action.  It just might drive us to step out of our comfort zones, to change, and to grow.

But it can also paralyze us.

After all, who wants to fail?  Isn’t it just easier to settle?  And if you don’t try, maybe you can protect yourself from disappointment.

I was recently reading a thoughtful post by David Rupert titled “Why Do We Stay in Bad Jobs?”  It got me thinking.  Isn’t it fear – and specifically the fear of failure – that holds us back from achieving our true potential?

This is where grace comes in.  You see, I think God already has this whole “fear of failure” thing under control.  Grace means that I don’t have to perform.  I don’t have to have a road map.  And I don’t even have to get it right the first time. 

Someone else got it right for me.  I just have to accept a gift.

I know, this sounds too simplistic.   Some would even argue that grace destroys motivation.  Why try to be the best if you don’t have to?

I don’t know about you, but when someone gives me a gift – especially a gift I don’t deserve – I want to give back.  I want to show that I’m grateful.  I too want to experience the grace of giving.  And when I experience unconditional love – love that isn’t dependant on what I’ve done for you or what you expect from me -- I want to love back. 

Besides, if my identity is secure, I don’t have to worry about proving myself.  I am free to be me – a child of God.  Sure, on the outside, I might look like a mother, a lawyer, a writer.  But all of that could be gone tomorrow.  I’ll be a child of God forever.

Which means I don’t have to worry about whether my writing is good, great or lousy.  Heck, I don’t even need to worry about who is reading this blog (if anyone!) or who is going to post my next Amazon review.  Even typos aren’t the end of the world (ok, they are still really annoying).

Grace has set me free.  And it’s a great feeling.

How about you?

*****

[I’ll be traveling internationally next week and won’t be blogging.  I sure will miss you, but I’m going to give myself some grace, ok?]

Is Good Writing Good Enough?

If you’re passionate about life, good probably isn’t good enough.

You don’t just want to be known as a good parent, a good employee, a good friend.  You want to be great!  Maybe even excellent.

Something inside of us wants to be better than good.  

The problem? 

Some days, we’re not so great.  In fact, we’ve not even good.  We barely get by on average and we hope no one will notice when we really screw up.

I was thinking about this dilemma the other day – not being good enough – in the context of writing. 

Some of us want to be great writers.  But great writing takes time.  It takes talent.  It takes discipline and determination.

The truth is, we can’t be great at everything.  And while I’m far from a perfectionist, some days I just don’t want to settle for good.  Which means I have to make some choices.

Enter the dreaded zero sum game.  Time is finite.  Which means the more I strive to excel in one area, the more I neglect another. 

Do you ever find that good just isn’t good enough?

Are Online Relationships Real?

Remember when you were a kid, and you had imaginary friends?  Remember when grown-ups thought you were crazy?

That’s how I feel sometimes as a blogger.

Last week, I was speaking to a group of intelligent women, trying to explain some of the intangible benefits of my writing.

“The most incredible part of blogging is some of the new friends I’ve met.”

I went on to explain. “I consider many other bloggers dear friends.  Some of these friends encourage me on a daily basis.”

I noticed a few blank stares in the audience.

They must think I’m crazy.  Maybe I am!


After all, a year ago, I would have told me I was crazy.  You can’t have real relationships online, can you?  Relationships where people don’t actually meet in person.  Where people hide behind computer screens (where they can conveniently hide their faults and annoying personalities).

Other bloggers don’t smell.  They don’t show up at my doorstep unexpected.  They don’t put demands on my time.  They don’t ask me to help with carpool duty or bake cookies for the Election Day bake sale (yeah, I forgot to sign up again this year).

How can a relationship be real when it is completely on my terms?  When I’m the one in control? When it doesn’t involve sacrifice?

Maybe online relationships are imaginary after all.  After all, I can just turn them off with a power button.

But wait a minute.  Smelly or not, my online friendships have stretched me, that's for sure.  No one is pointing a gun to my head, yet I’m pushing myself to read other blogs, write encouraging comments, and even meet deadlines.  I’m not just pushing myself to write, I’m pushing myself to connect.  And while I probably started blogging in search of fans, the wonderful truth is that I’ve found some friends instead. 

And friends are worth it.  Online or not.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Yesterday, I received a really great email.  It was from a woman I had just met.  A woman who had just picked up a copy of Chasing Superwoman.

“Wow, I just read the first 20 pages and even though I don’t have small children and am not particularly religious, your writing is still talking to me!”

Why did this email mean so much? 

Here’s the quick background. 

This week, I attended a conference of women lawyers and spoke about Chasing Superwoman.  And I was pretty nervous.  What would my peers (and my client!) think about me when I opened up my soul?  Would they think I was too religious?  Even a Jesus freak?

For the record, women lawyers are a tough group.  (I know, I’m one of them.)  Which is why I was a little scared to share my story.  In fact, the woman who sent me the email told me straight up that she was initially reluctant to open my book – yeah, it seemed a little too “religious.”  (I was more than thrilled when she went on to say she didn’t find my writing to be preachy or judgmental – so she kept reading!)

Stepping out of your comfort zone usually involves some risk.  Even some uncertainty.  There’s no guarantee people will respond the way you want them to.  In fact, every time I put myself “out there” I usually have a few second thoughts.

Why don’t I just play it safe?  Why do I have to push the envelope?  What if it backfires?

I still have a lot to learn about stepping out of my comfort zone.  But one thing’s for sure.  It keeps life interesting, doesn’t it? 

In this case, I even made a new friend.

Hate Mail

On Friday, we talked about Fan Mail.  It’s Monday. And Monday is a good time to tackle the hard issues.  So today we’re addressing a more difficult topic: hate mail. 

I’ve written about Dealing With Negative Feedback before.  But hate mail is different.  Hate mail isn’t constructive, it’s destructive.  It’s one thing to disagree with someone.  It’s another thing to tear them apart.

Every writer who says something slightly provocative or controversial is a target for hate mail.  And hate mail can come in many forms – including blog posts, anononoymous comments, emails, and letters.  Hate mail never intends to start a discussion.  The goal is to silence.

Let me give you a hypothetical. 

Hate-Mail Helen reads Chasing Superwoman, and she thinks I’m evil.  She posts on her blog that I’m an unfit mother, declares that I’m not a real “Christian” and she even attacks my children.

Should I respond?

As I see it, here are my options. 

1.  Ignore Helen.  I don’t have to engage.  Hate-Mail Helen probably just wants attention.  And she doesn’t want to have a dialogue.  So I shouldn’t respond.  Instead, I can seek support from people I respect and trust.  At the end of the day, I don’t answer to Helen. 

2.  Respond directly. I can also confront Helen. I can call her on the carpet – and I can even take an army of bloggers with me!  We can post thoughtful yet pointed comments on her blog.  Or I can write her a private email, explaining that I’m really not Evil Mommy (it was just a joke in the book), and she shouldn’t be so judgmental. 

3.  Respond indirectly.  Maybe I won’t post a comment on Helen’s blog.  Instead, I’ll write a few of my own posts to address Helen’s comments. I’ll talk about how deep my faith is, and how my kids are really well-adjusted and obedient (at least most of the time).  We can even poke some fun at Helen’s comments – just to show how silly they really are. 

4.  Write a response, but don’t send it.  This may be my favorite option.  The lawyer in me really wants to respond to Helen.  But I know there’s probably no point.  I know it’s wrong to strike back.  But I really want to have the last word.  I want to set the record straight, even if no one will read it.

I’ll have to admit, I really don’t like any of these options.  Probably because I really don’t like hate mail.

How would you respond to Hate-Mail Helen?

Fan Mail

Writers live for fan mail.  And even though we try not to exist for the approval of others, it sure feels good when someone says, “You’re a really great writer” or “You really helped me think about this in a new way.”
I have a folder that I keep of “fans” – people who have gone out of their way to encourage me on my writing journey.  Some of them I’ve never met.  Some of them I haven’t talked to in years.  But I consider them all dear friends.

Today, I thought I’d share about a special relationship I’ve developed with a woman named Linda.

Linda isn’t a blogger.  She isn’t a writer.  And she isn’t a working mom.

Linda is a devoted wife, mother, and grandma.  And her daughter-in-law works in a fast-paced career with small children.  So when she heard about Chasing Superwoman, she reached out to me and said, “I get it!  You have my full support!”

I met Linda at my first book signing in North Canton, Ohio.  And we became instant friends.  Linda sends me encouraging emails.  She prays for me.  And when I’m really struggling, I know I can reach out to Linda for support and say, “Help, I need a few extra prayers today!”

In fact, some days when I wonder – Why do I keep writing these posts? Who the heck is going to read this anyway? – I think about Linda.  Linda will read this.  Linda is listening.  Linda is cheering me on.
We all need a Linda, don’t we?

(If you’re thinking --Wow, this is really a touchy-feely post -- don’t worry.  We’ll be coming back to reality on Monday when we talk about hate mail.  Have a good weekend!)

Do You Pray For Your Readers?

Those of us who write find ourselves praying for more readers.  After all, if you’re going to take the time to say something, you want lots of people to read it.  Right?

But is that really what we should be praying for?

The other night, I couldn’t sleep.  I was restless, but I wasn’t upset or worried about anything.  So I prayed, ok God, this is usually when you are trying to tell me something.  So what is it?

Then, in the midst of my fog, I heard God speak to my heart.

“Do you pray for your readers?”

Wow.  A light bulb went off.  I had been missing out on a golden opportunity – praying for the people who are reading this right here and right now.  Sure, more readers are great.  But what about the people who God has already put in my life? 

Sometimes, we're so busy thinking about what's next -- looking miles and miles down the road -- that God plops a stop sign right in front of us.  I'm known to drive a little too fast, so I'm thankful He goes out of his way to put the brakes on and get my attention.

If you’re reading this, please know that I’m praying for you.  I promise.  God told me to do it!

The next time you can’t sleep, ask God what He might be saying.  He might be trying to slow you down.  And you just might hear something.

Happy Monday!

Should Writing Be Rated PG?

Life is not PG.  But my blog is.

Why not just tell it like it is?  After all, I’m a realist by nature.  I’m a lawyer, remember?  Lawyers are known to be savvy and even a little vulgar – not PG.

I usually write the blog when I’m not wearing my lawyer hat.  But that’s not why it’s rated PG.  Here are the reasons:

Nick reads it.  First and foremost, Nick (my 9-year-old son) reads the blog.  In fact, he’s probably reading this post right now.  What mother wouldn’t want to protect the innocence of her first-born son?  He’s going to get hit with enough of smut out there.  It doesn’t need to be coming from his own mother.  I need to be setting an example.

My mother reads it.  I know, I’m 40 years old, but I still care what my mother thinks.  For those of you who don’t know her, she’s never uttered a swear word in her entire life!  And, no, I’m not lying.  When I (jokingly) told her all the swearing had been edited out of Chasing Superwoman, she looked relieved.  But she also gave me a look that said, “Behave, Susan, you know better than to use those kind of words.”

You read it.  Last by not least, you read the blog.  No, I don’t expect that your life is rated PG.  But I do know that you’re getting hit with enough nasty words on a regular basis.  Sure, sometimes swearing is used to make a point – to provide exclamation points, particularly in the spoken word.  Besides, when we’re intentional and not reactive about communication, we don’t need vulgarity to make a point.

Let’s just put it this way.  I’ve never regretted saying something wholesome.  But I have regretted the times when I’ve opened my mouth without thinking – putting a worldly and even filthy spin on something that should have been PG.  And given that writing is usually more deliberate than the spoken word, I try to temper my impulses and keep it clean.

What do you think?  Do you prefer reading writing that is rated PG, or do writers like myself need a healthy dose of reality?

Maybe it has more to do with the message behind the content.  But I still can do without the smut.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Ephesians 4:29

Why I Joined High Calling Blogs

I still consider myself new to blogging.  But after you blog for a couple of months, you notice that there is no shortage of blogging “groups” out there.  In fact, there’s a group for everyone and everything.

At first, I ignored the blogging groups.  I frankly don’t have much time to blog every day, so I figured I’d just keep doing my thing (writing) and not worry about other bloggers.  In fact, I even thought blogging groups were rather weird.  Don’t these people have real friends?  And how do they have time for real lives when they are always hanging out online?

Then I stumbled upon a site called High Calling Blogs.

I didn’t jump in with both feet.  Just the opposite.  I was pretty cautious.  I read the blog for a couple of months.  I looked up the writers and editors.  I noticed who frequently posted comments.  I read and re-read the guidelines and mission statement.  And then I decided to join.

What drew me to High Calling Blogs?

Definitely the people.  People like Michelle DeRusha, Laura Boggess, and Diedra Riggs.  People who reached out to me to join the conversation, even when I wasn’t a “member.”  People who inspire and encourage in my own writing journey.

So, what has kept me at High Calling Blogs?

Definitely the people and the writing.  I’ve continued to connect with some incredible people.  But given the amount of time I already spend reading, I’m not going to take time to read a blog on a regular basis unless the writing grabs me!  After several months of reading, I was sold on the both the diversity and depth of content, as well as the quality of the writing. (For example, check out the thought-provoking posts Your Money Or Your (Spiritual) Life by Bradley M. Moore or Fractured Family by Gordon Atkinson)

If you haven’t visited High Calling Blogs, check it out for yourself.  Even if you’re not looking for another “group” to join or blog to read, you might just get hooked!

Have a great weekend!

Why I’m Not Blogging Every Day

When I started blogging last December, I figured I’d do it five days a week.  As much as I love to write, blogging every day would be a luxury and a breeze.  Right?

Well, for sure it’s a luxury.  I’ve come to love blogging – and the people I’ve met through blogging – more than I’d ever imagine.  I wasn’t supposed to get hooked.  But I did.

Which brings me to my next point.  Blogging five days a week takes time.  Some weeks, it’s more time than I have!

Usually, I blog in the evenings.  I kid you not, it’s not unusual for me to put my kids to bed while I’m drafting content, reading comments, or commenting on other blogs (laptop in hand)!  I’ve had to ask myself, “Is this any way for a mother to spend the summer with her children?”

So, reluctantly, I’m going to cut back a bit.  At least for the summer.  I’m kicking and screaming, but even I know when I’ve reached my limit.   

My plan?  I’m still going to blog three days a week, probably Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  (And, now that I’m savvy to the blogging world, I’ve noticed that many dedicated bloggers have adopted this same schedule.)

Yes, we all make time for things that are important.  And, for me, blogging is just one of them.

Have you had to adjust your priorities lately?  And how do you make time for the people you love and the God who constantly redeems us, busy schedules and all?

*********

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.  - Colossians 3:23 NLT

Tuesday Tip: Dealing With Negative Feedback

If you write (and you decide to go public), you’re going to get your share of reactions.  Some of them will be good.  And, as I’ve recently learned, some of them will be not so good.

Most of us are pretty good at dealing with positive feedback.  But negative feedback?  Not so much.  As much as we say it doesn’t matter, negative comments always hurt – especially when they’re personal.

So, from a first-time author who’s only had one book released for a month, here are 10 tips I’ve learned so far.

1.  It goes with the territory.  If you are going to write a book, expect it.  No one is exempt from criticism.  (And, if people are talking about your book, at least they’re reading it!)

2.  Consider the source.  Who is making the comment?  Is it a random blogger who doesn’t even have an identifiable profile?  Is it someone outside your target audience?  Or, is it a credible voice in the writing community, or a leader from an audience you intend to reach?

3.  Don’t strike back.  As tempting as it is to respond to every comment, don’t.  In most cases, it’s not worth trying to “set the record straight.”  Especially if the attacks are personal, resist the temptation to join the mud-slinging.

4.  Learn from it.  Is the comment valid?  Does it present a common message or theme?  If so, you can become a better person (and a better writer) by taking the comment to heart. 

5.  Seek wisdom.  Talk to the friends and colleagues you respect in the writing community.  After all, when you’re in the midst of receiving criticism, it’s hard to be objective.  Sometimes, you need a lens.  In my case, I went to Rachelle Gardner, who gave me some great insights, as well as some helpful posts.

6.  Seek support.  In addition to seeking wisdom from those in the writing world, we all need our family and friends – especially those outside the writing world – to keep us sane.  My niece, Laura, wrote me a prayer last week that I will hold dear forever.  And my girlfriends will gladly take my side on just about anything!

7.  Don’t take it personally.  Usually, those criticizing you don’t know you.  Take the constructive feedback, and leave the personal attacks at the door.  And, as several wise friends have reminded me, God alone knows your heart. 

8.  Find the silver lining. I was putting my 9-year-old son, Nick, to bed last week, and I told him that a few women who read the book had attacked my busy lifestyle—questioning whether I could really be a good mother.  He said, “wow, that’s really mean.”  But then he said, “I think they are giving you a compliment.  What they’re really saying is that they know they have it easier than you.”  (See Romans 8:28.)

9.  You can’t please everyone.  Everyone isn’t going to like your book.  Everyone isn’t going to like you.  As writers, our goal in life should not be to please everyone.  Can you think of a single writer you respect who has both intended and succeeded to be a universal people pleaser?  Even if it you wanted to achieve this goal, it’s not possible.

10.  Numbers 1-9 are easier said than done.  As much as my head knows that the above tips are true, my heart still wants to wallow in self-protection and even a little pity.  I know full well that I can only respond to criticism through the grace of God – with much patience, prayer, and practice.  The fact is, I’m not very good at it, but I’m getting better. 

Please help me refine my tips -- I have a feeling I’m going to get to practice these tips over and over again!

How do you deal with negative feedback?

(After writing this post, I continued to find more helpful tips -- such as a post by Laura Boggess, Wanted:  Friendly Reader, at High Calling Blogs.)

No Risk, No Reward

I’ve always admired people who take risks.  What kind of risks am I talking about?  It varies.

Some people take physical risks.  Jumping out of an airplane.  Riding a motorcycle.  Undergoing an experimental medical treatment.  Traveling to a foreign country in political turmoil.  Protecting others in the line of duty.

Other people take personal risk.  Starting a business.  Investing your savings to pursue a dream.  Going back to school and leaving a stable career.  Taking a stand for your faith.  Choosing to forgive, even though it hurts.

I had never really thought of writing as risky business.  But that’s exactly what it is. 

Just last week, I was feeling a little sorry for myself.  I had just read a few negative reviews about Chasing Superwoman from the blogging community.  One of them said that I have no balance and even feels sorry for me and my family!  Another review said, again, that my lifestyle is completely out of control and even questioned my shaky prayer life.

I guess I was prepared for the genuine (and expected) attacks about my writing and message.  I just wasn’t prepared for the personal attacks on my character.

Then, at the suggestion of my agent, I read a post by Mary DeMuth, A Risky Gift, that put everything in perspective.  Mary writes about the risks she took when she wrote her own memoir, Thin Places:

With my memoir Thin Places, I've felt the deepest fear, the longest worry of any book I've ever released. I felt naked when it released. I feel exposed when folks email their own stories of tragedy. I've risked and wondered if that risk was necessary. But then I realize that my story--my painful, redeemed story--is my gift to readers. It's a risky gift, one that I wrote so that others wouldn't feel alone anymore. (Emphasis added.)

Like DeMuth, I’m feeling pretty naked right now.  I’ve realized that, in putting myself “out there” I’ve taken a big risk.  I’ve even wondered if the risk was necessary.  After all, I have a incredible family, a great career – a life with much predictability and stability.  Why rock the boat?

In simple terms:  No risk, no reward.

I’ve realized that a “risky gift” is something that costs us.  In DeMuth's words, “[s]omething that worries us at night, makes us tremble in the day.”

Have you ever taken a risk that kept you up at night?  And was it worth the reward?

My First Critic

Writers need to have tough skin.  After all, why write unless it’s going to spark some discussion.  Disagreement is a good thing.  Not everyone is going to like my book.  Right?

Of course.  I fully expect receiving my share of criticism.  After all, I’ve put myself out there.  I mean really out there.  But I’d be lying if I said I was fully prepared.  Rejection always hurts.

Last week, I receive the first copy of Chasing Superwoman.  No, it’s not for sale until June 1, but it’s customary to send the first copy to the author.  So when I got home from work last week and saw the package from Cook, I opened it with much anticipation and finally held the first copy in my hand.  As you know, I love firsts.

Nick immediately wanted to be the first to read it.  What a great idea, I thought to myself.  My son is going to be my first fan.  Even though Nick is only 9, he reads 3-4 books a week and keeps our local library in business. 

So Nick settled in and started to read, and I went upstairs to change my clothes.  I left Nick completely alone with the book, eager for his reaction.

About an hour later, I found Nick reading.  Another book.  So I asked him, “Nick, what did you think?”

He responded, “I didn’t really like it.”

“Did you make it past the first chapter,” I asked.

“Nope.”

“Are you going to trying reading it another time?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Mom, I’m 9 years old.  The book is for the average working mom.  I just don’t like it.”

Silence.

My first critic happens to be my own son.  Gee, I can’t wait to see who reads it next.  Yeah, I know he’s only 9, and I shouldn’t take it personally.  Plus, he’s just preparing me for the hard core critics.  Right?

Why I Love Firsts

There’s something special about firsts.

I’ll never forget my first teacher.  My first piano recital.  My first date.  My first boyfriend.  My first kiss.  My first job.  My first car.  The first semester of college.  My first apartment.  My first husband (just kidding).

With kids, those memorable “firsts” more than multiply.  I can still remember vividly the first time we found out I was pregnant with Nick.  The first time I gave birth.  The first time he slept through the night.  The first steps.  The first words.  The first babysitter.  The first day of school.

One of the reasons I’ve loved writing a book is because I’ve been able to capture – and relive -- so many firsts.  Through writing, it’s like recreating certain moments for the first time.  Again and again.  And the moments I wish I could freeze in time – I simply put them on paper instead.  Someday, when I’m long gone, my children and grandchildren can read about these moments.  They too can relive each first. 

The other thing I’ve loved about writing is this:  it’s opened the door to more firsts.  I remember when I first decided to write a book.  I confided in a few friends and colleagues.  I remember sitting in an airport and writing the first chapter.  I’ll never forget the first time I heard back from my agent.  The first time we sent my book proposal to publishers.  The first time I heard that a publisher was interested.  And the first time I heard the good news – that Chasing Superwoman would be published.

I’m preparing myself for yet another first.  On June 1, my first book will hit the market.  The great thing about firsts?  You never know what to expect – you prepare as best you can, pray like mad, and (last but not least) ride the wave and have fun. 

Has it been a long time since you’ve had a first?  If so, it may be time to take action.  Sure, it takes some guts to take that first step, but I’ll take fear over regret any day!

This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9 (NLT)

Blog Envy

I confess, I have blog envy.  Whenever I visit other blog sites, I realize how far I have to go.  My margins are off.  I’m always catching my own typos.  I still can’t figure out how to post images that look cool or edit HTML.  And the last thing I have time for in my daily routine is to devote more time to blogging.  Most days, I’m lucky to find 15 extra minutes in my schedule to check my posts and visit other blog sites.

I was having coffee with a friend who likewise suffers from blog envy.  Like me, she’s relatively new at blogging.  She’s not a writer, but she decided to launch a blog for her business.  She was pretty excited about the whole thing – until she started visiting other sites.  Then the insecurity set it.  Gee, my blog looks really frumpy.  Maybe I shouldn’t have started blogging in the first place.

If you struggle with envy, you’re not alone.  Admitting it is one thing, tackling it is another. 

My friend and I decided we needed to confront our blog envy by asking ourselves a few questions, like why are we really blogging in the first place?  Sure, it’s great to connect with others, but once blogging becomes a chore – or a contest – it takes out all the fun.  Of course, this doesn’t mean that we aren’t blogging for legitimate business purposes – like building a fan base or promoting a message.  But it does mean that we set our own goals to define success.

So I’ve tried to set some personal blogging goals. 

• Write about my passions. 
• Keep a focus. 
• Don’t compare. 
• Don’t worry about what other people think.
• It’s not quantity but quality.
• It’s not about looking over your shoulder -- it’s about looking ahead. 

As important, I’m determined to keep having fun.  Have you ever noticed that envy has a nasty way of sucking the joy right out of us?

Pregnant, Again?

Now that I have your attention, I’m not pregnant.  Well, not exactly.  I’m not pregnant with child.  (Doug has made it loud and clear he’s not planning on #4.)

But I am pregnant in a different sense.  I’m waiting for my first book to be published.  I guess you could say I’m in my last trimester of the publishing process.

This baby was conceived a long time ago.  In fact, I’m done writing.  At this point, I’m just waiting on a final proofread, endorsements, and then we’re off to the printer sometime in late March.

When is my due date?  It’s set for June 2010.  Sure, I have high hopes that everything is on schedule, that there will be no complications, and it will be a smooth delivery, but having been through childbirth a few times before, I’m prepared for just about anything.

Just like the last trimester of pregnancy, I’ll have to admit I’m really nervous.  I really don’t know what to expect.  What if nobody likes Chasing Superwoman?  Every time I read the manuscript, I want to tweak it just a bit more, but once it’s out of the womb there’s no turning back.

For now, I just have to wait (something I’m not very good at).   I can’t thank you enough for waiting with me.  Have you ever been pregnant with anticipation?  How do you stand the wait?

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31