Susan DiMickele

Crying in LaGuardia

2011-12-06T09:24:00.001-05:00

I’m pretty good about rolling with the punches, and I’ve had my share of mistakes at work. But this was different. Worse.

After landing in LaGuardia, I checked my email messages as we prepared to de-board the plane. A note from a good friend inquired, “How was that conference you spoke at today?”

Huh?

“No, the conference is tomorrow.” I typed back. “I’ve just landed in New York.”

My friend responded back right away. “Um, you might want to check the brochure, because I think it was today.”

Radio silence.

Beads of sweat started rolling down my forehead as I headed to baggage claim, rummaging through my briefcase for the conference material – the same conference that was advertising Yours Truly as a key speaker. I finally found it and stopped short, looking at the date in disbelief. “No. No! NO! This can’t be right!” My heart dropped into my shoes. I had missed the conference by a day.

[To continue reading, join me at The High Calling]

Why Teach Sunday School?

2011-12-02T11:01:00.001-05:00

A couple of years ago, I decided to teach Sunday school. I could
kill two birds with one stone and spend quality time with the kids on
the weekend while exerting Spiritual Mommy’s much-needed moral
authority. Maybe I could even reverse some of the brain injury from
all that TV.

Given my schedule during the week, my husband and most of my
friends thought I was downright crazy for taking on another weekend
responsibility. “Suz, just what you need, another thing to add to
your schedule. Haven’t you ever heard of the word ‘no’?”

Actually, since I became a mother, ‘no’ has almost evaporated
from my vocabulary. I reserve it for when I really need it—like when
I’m asked to make cupcakes for the bake sale, organize the parent
phone tree, or volunteer to be the lunch monitor during lunch
bunch. After all, I can’t do everything, right? But when it comes to the
spiritual development of my children, Devoted Mommy reminds me
that, unlike baking cookies or being a lunch monitor, I really can’t
delegate that one very easily.

To my pleasant surprise, Sunday school became my favorite hour
of the week. I wear casual clothes and comfortable shoes, sing silly
songs, play duck-duck-goose, and sit on the floor with the children
while teaching them that God is your friend, even when you can’t
see Him.

I remember my own Sunday school days vividly like they were yesterday.
I’ll never forget that poster in my classroom of Jesus knocking
on the door to your heart. Of course there’s no door handle because
the door can be opened only from the inside. It was during that
Sunday school class that I asked Jesus to come into my heart.
Some people say that young children can’t understand spiritual things, but
I beg to differ. Life has become much too complicated. Sometimes I
want to go back to the simple faith of my childhood, but I can’t. So I
do the next best thing. I teach Sunday School.

What’s your Sunday School experience?

**excerpt from Chasing Superwoman, pp. 23-24

Work Hard And Love What You Do

2011-11-30T14:46:00.000-05:00

What do you want to be when you grow up?

In Chapters 7-9 of Work, Love, Pray Diane Paddison encourages young women to work hard, discover strengths, and play to passions.

Of course, it can take time – even years – to find the right career path. But no matter where we are in our professional journeys, we can ask ourselves some key questions:

Do I enjoy what I do?
What is the next step to advance my career goals?
How do I gain leverage in the workplace?

Diane’s advice is smart, no-nonsense, and practical. Start with what you enjoy. Start by working hard. Harder than the person in the cubicle next to you. In Diane’s words, “no one is going to bend over backward to help a slacker.”

Does this mean you never leave the office early? That you don’t have a life outside of work? That you are married to your job?

Of course not. Diane also encourages us to set healthy boundaries and strike the right balance – both at home and at work.

I think back to my early years as an associate in a large law firm. I didn’t have children, I had a supportive spouse, and I instantly loved the practice of law. So I worked hard. Probably a little too hard. I rarely said no, jumped at new projects, and always tackled the opportunity to learn something new.

But I also learned to set boundaries. I had dinner with my husband almost every night, even if it was late. I always took my full vacation. And I decided to embrace technology and abandon “face time.” (I realize “face time” isn’t a big deal anymore in most workplaces, but prior to the 24/7 technology revolution, hard work was often judged by burning the midnight oil in the office.) So, if a senior attorney or client needed to reach me after hours, I made sure they knew how to find me – and that I’d respond promptly.

By the time I had my first child, I had built some flexibility into my work schedule. Sure, I still struggled with the whole concept of balance, but by working hard at a job I enjoyed, establishing credibility, and setting boundaries (in addition to a heavy dose of grace!) I was able thrive at work and at home.

When we “play to our strengths” as Diane encourages, work is an opportunity to live out our God-given talents – not merely an attempt to survive.

Do you love what you do? What’s the next step in your career path? How will you work hard to earn respect and leverage?

[Please join us over at 4Word to continue the discussion]

Why Holiday Feasting Is A Spiritual Act

2011-11-28T14:08:00.000-05:00

Credit: Free photos from acobox.com

Are you still feeling guilty about over-indulging at the Thanksgiving table? And what about the cookies, pie, and chocolates that invade your home, office, and social activities this time of year?

If you’re like me, the holiday feasting has just begun.

Why fight it? Holiday guilt is for wimps.

Which is why I’m going to manage the feasting. Physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Will you join me in embracing the spiritual aspect of holiday feasting? Simply put, God loves a good meal.

I started thinking about this before Thanksgiving. Pastor Eric set the stage by taking a closer look at Jesus’ infamous miracle – the Feeding of the 5,000. Did you know that this is the only miracle of Jesus to appear in all four Gospels?

I’ve heard this story dozens of times. And I’ve always focused on Jesus, the boy with the loaves and fish, the disciples, and the crowd.

I’ve never really focused on the food. Nor have I focused on the paramount role of food in the story of salvation.

The feeding of the 5,000 looks back to the Exodus. When Jesus directs the crowd to sit down in groups of 50, we flash back to the Israelites in the wilderness. The similarities – God providing bread and meat to a hungry crowd – is nothing short of divine. When the Israelites are without food in the wilderness, God provides both manna and quail. Could it be that Jesus smiles, knowing He will repeat this miracle a few thousand years later?
The feeding of the 5,000 looks forward to the Eucharist. Jesus isn’t just filling empty stomachs. He is giving of himself – the bread of life. In remembering his death, we celebrate the ultimate feast. His body. His blood. Poured out on us. While Jesus takes comfort in feeding a hungry crowd, He tells his disciples of a greater feast. “Whoever comes to me will never go hungry.”

Something about food gives us spiritual understanding. Is it the smell? The texture? The satisfaction?

Something about God loves to feed us. Which means your holiday feasting is a spiritual act.

Let's get over the guilt. When you raise your glass this Christmas season, will you join me in looking back to the Exodus and forward to the Eucharist?

Are You Thankful For Work?

2011-11-21T09:40:00.001-05:00

During Thanksgiving, we tend to thank God for the same things each year -- family, faith, health, relationships, food, shelter, income, material provisions.

I got to thinking, When is the last time we thanked God for work?

It’s usually not at the top of my list. Yes, I’ve thanked God for a paycheck, for the security of my work. But what about thanking God for the ability to work? Even the privilege to work?

We can learn much from the unemployed.

Like my friend I’ll call Lisa. Lisa is a single executive who’s been out of work for 5 years. Sure, she misses a paycheck – she’s gotten by on savings, unemployment, selling things she doesn’t need, and part-time jobs.
But you know what she really misses?

Work.

The ability to contribute. The ability to create. The ability to care and nurture.

It makes perfect sense. God is a worker. We are created in his image. Of course Lisa misses her work.

Just last week, Lisa sent me a card and a gift. I knew she didn’t have extra money, so I quickly opened the card to see what was going on.

Lisa didn’t just find a job. She found work. Good work.

And Lisa was thankful. So much that she wanted to give -- she went out of her way to thank me for my professional and personal support, even before she received her first paycheck.

Thanks to Lisa, this week I’m asking myself a new question: When’s the last time I thanked God for work?

There’s Just Something About A Boy

2011-11-17T21:54:00.001-05:00

Mothers of boys, what are the moments you treasure most? Do you ever wish you could stop time and keep your son little forever?

You can’t.

But you can treasure each moment.

I wept when my son was born.
I cried (hard!) at his first haircut.
I trembled with fear his first day of kindergarten.
I cheered with pride when he slid into home plate.
No, I’m not yet ready for a teenager.
Don’t even talk to me about his first date!

Each stage comes with its own hopes, dreams, and fears. And each stage is beautifully remembered and illustrated in There’s Just Something About A Boy, by Jenny Lee Sulpizio.

In this newly-released children’s book, Jenny Lee Sulpizio captures the hearts and minds of every mother who looks forward to watching her son grow, all the while wishing she could freeze time and keep him little forever. From conception until adulthood, there’s something magical about watching a son get older – and reading about it along the way.

There’s Just Something About A Boy is the perfect gift for new moms; it’s also a keepsake book for mothers and sons for years to come. In fact, I’d love to send you a copy. Just leave me a comment before Monday to enter a drawing!

Remember, he can’t stay little forever.

I asked the LORD to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. 1 Samuel 1:27 (NLT)

What's Your Story?

2011-11-15T23:18:00.000-05:00

Every woman has a story.

We’ve all gotten to this place in life – the journey to womanhood – with a few lessons under our belts (or should I say under our skirts!). Some of us had ideal childhoods and later learned that the “real world” is cruel and unforgiving. Others of us came to adulthood with some serious baggage – baggage that we’d like to forget about and we certainly don’t want to talk about.

But we all have one thing in common. We’re all saying to ourselves, “No matter how I got here, I need to know where to go next!”

In Work, Love, Pray, Diane Paddison starts off by telling her story. Diane is a farm girl from Oregon who grew up learning the values of hard work and determination. Her days leading peach-picking crews finally paid off when she got into Harvard Business School and landed her first dream job!

I learned from Diane that it’s important to know where you came from. In my case, my hard-working middle-class parents and four older sisters shaped my core values of faith, work and family. (And being the youngest of five siblings explains why I’m always the last to clean up!)

But it’s also important to know where you’re going. Diane encourages young women to think strategically about the future, pursue advanced degrees, and rise above our circumstances – even if we didn’t have perfect upbringings.

One of my favorite stories in the book is about a woman named Erin Botsford. Erin lost her father at a young age, grew up poor and was even charged with manslaughter in an accident that wasn’t her fault. Even after she paid off her legal fees and worked her way out of debt, she lost every penny to a fraudulent investor! Talk about bad luck. Yet Erin is now a successful mom, wife and business owner. She doesn’t complain and takes full responsibility for her attitude.

In Diane’s words, “Whether your past is a fairy tale or a horror story, only you can determine how it will play out – as a tragedy, or as a feel-good story with a happy ending.”

So, what’s your story? What role did faith or spirituality play in your upbringing? How did you get to this place in life, and where do you plan to go next?

[Some amazing women have already started to share their stories. Please join the online discussion and share your story over at 4Word.]

Christian Working Moms: Are You Too Quick To Say NO?

2011-11-13T23:13:00.001-05:00

Are you too busy for a Bible study?

Let me guess, most of the Bible studies at your church meet during the day – which is terribly inconvenient. There are a few that meet at night, but nighttime is often when your children need you the most. And, if you work outside the home, who wants to leave her kids again after she hasn’t seen them all day?

Not me.

I recently admitted I’m a Bible Study Drop Out. Even though I tried my best to join a women’s Bible study this year, I just couldn’t make it work. So I reluctantly quit.

But that’s not the end of the story.

I received several passionate comments from readers who encouraged me not to give up.

“Why did you believe you needed the study in the first place?”

“Did you just want to check off a box to make you feel better about your spiritual life, or is there a deeper need you are ignoring?”

“Why did you really drop out?”

“Maybe you need a virtual study.”

“You can’t always put your spiritual needs dead last! Is that really the best thing for your family?”

Well said!

You got me thinking. And reevaluating.

Yes, there are seasons in life – and I bit off more than I could chew by joining an evening study in the middle of soccer season – but this doesn’t mean I need to throw the towel in altogether, does it?

Sometimes we need to prioritize a bit better.

Sometimes we need to say NO.

But sometimes we need to say YES.

I’m happy to say I’ve had several offers to join Bible studies since announcing I'm a drop out. And I’ve even started attending a Bible study during a lunch break. No, I haven't figured it out yet. But I'm re-thinking both NO and YES.

Do you find yourself saying NO too quickly? If so, have you given yourself the freedom to reevaluate and say YES?

Does TV Feed Your Children Swear Words?

2011-11-10T22:27:00.000-05:00

My husband, Doug, and then seven-year-old Nick were watching The Bad News Bears. I was appalled. The language was filthy. These snotty-nosed kids and their recalcitrant coach had no respect for authority or each other, and Nick would soon be talking like a potty mouth if we continued to let this trash into our living room. Suddenly, Devoted Mommy transformed into Fundamentalist Mommy.

“I don’t want to hear that language in our house ever again, and I want that filthy show turned off.” Doug and Nick just looked at me.

I continued, “TV is straight from the pit of hell and I can’t sit by and watch you fill your brain with this garbage.”

Doug may be incorrigible, but I still have to exercise some moral authority over my children. I learned that from my own mother. We had knock-down, dragout fights over Three’s Company and Charlie’s Angels. I would sneak downstairs and watch these shows with my older sisters over my mother’s deep disapproval. (Which was worse, Jack and Chrissy living in sin, or Farrah Fawcett showing her cleavage? I never got an answer, I just knew they were both bad.)

What kind of mother would I be if I let The Bad News Bears ruin Nick’s innocence and lead him down a path of destruction?

So later that night, after I put the girls to bed, I told Nick that we needed to talk. We sat in his bed before prayers, as we do every night, and I explained to him that some things on TV are wrong, and the Bad News Bears really shouldn’t say bad words.

“Did you hear bad words in the movie today?”

Nick responded, “I’m not sure. I know stupid is a bad word.”

Nick is a smart kid, so he saw this as an opportunity to ask me, point-blank, what the other bad words were that had caused me so much concern. Now I was stuck. Fundamentalist Mommy was going to have to feed her own son swear words. So we talked about how “hell” is a bad word, and why you wouldn’t want to tell someone to “go to hell,” because that’s where Satan lives.

Nick asked, “Is it still okay to say ‘for heaven’s sake’?”

“Yes,” I said. “That’s still okay.”

I was thankful he still had some innocence left. And I didn’t have the heart to tell him the other bad words in the show. We’ll save that for another day.

How do you deal with the impact of TV on your children? Is TV a necessary evil, or just plain evil? Or am I overreacting?

**excerpt from Chasing Superwoman, pp. 21-23

Why I'm Leading The Work, Love, Pray Online Book Club

2011-11-09T10:21:00.000-05:00

I’m thrilled to partner with 4Word and host the first Work, Love, Pray online book club. Care to join me?

Great, let’s get started. To begin, we’ll answer a few questions.

What are we doing?

We’re going to read – and discuss – Diane Paddison’s newly released book, Work, Love, Pray. Over at 4Word's Blog. Every Tuesday for the next six weeks.

For those of you how haven’t read the book, it’s a much-needed resource for young professional Christian women and Working Christian Moms who are trying to navigate their careers, family, and faith. (See my full review.)

Who is participating in the book club?

Easy answer: You!

And you don’t have to be a Christian or even a young woman (ages 21-40) to join. (Unfortunately, I’m not in that group anymore….)

Work, Love, Pray is for women of all ages, dads, husbands, and even single guys.

Gals, are you looking for a safe place to discuss your careers, dreams, and relationships?

Older gals, do you need some help mentoring the young women in your life?

Guys, do you want to understand young women better?

You’ve all come to the right place!

Why the book club?

If you haven’t noticed, young professional women aren’t exactly flooding our churches. In fact, many of them are staying away from church just because they think Christians are out of touch with their lives. And in many cases, we don’t know what to do with a generation of women who need Jesus more than ever.

It breaks my heart to see young women pulling away from their faith communities. I want to do something about it, don’t you? That’s one of the reasons I want to get the word out about 4Word and Work, Love, Pray -- and I hope you’ll join me.

How does this work?

We’ll be meeting every Tuesday at 4Word to discuss Work, Love, Pray for the next six weeks. This will be our schedule.

Nov 15: Chapters 1-3
Nov 22: Chapters 4-6
Nov 29: Chapters 7-9
Dec 6: Chapters 10-12
Dec 13: Chapters 13-15
Dec 20: Chapters 16-18

You can leave comments on the 4Word Blog. Don’t worry if you fall behind. Just come back, and we promise it will be fun! And we’ll finish up just in time for Christmas!

Any questions?

Bring a friend, and we’ll see you at 4Word on Tuesday, Nov 15!

[For those of you who left me a comment here and on the 4Word Blog last week, please send your address to sdimickele@gmail.com so I can send you a copy of Chasing Superwoman!]

Passionate About Your Work?

2011-11-07T05:00:00.001-05:00

How many of you “zone out” while the flight attendant gives safety instructions? I admit, it’s my usual practice. As soon at the attendant says, “put your mask on first, and then proceed to put on the child’s mask” I start thinking to myself blah blah blah.

But last week – for the first time in a long time – I actually paid attention.

No, it wasn’t by choice. It wasn’t because I have good judgment. Let’s just say the flight attendant – a hyped up, bald man in his mid-50’s –MADE me and everyone else on the plane pay attention.

Here’s how he did it.

Passion 101.

“Excuse me, Miss, eyes on me! Sir, I’m going to need you to put your paper down. You in the blue jacket, can you please stop talking to your neighbor?”

I almost laughed out loud. And I could hear snickers throughout the plane. Who did this guy think he was, and why was he so anal about routine flight instructions?

He went on:

“I run a safe flight. Period. There are some simple safety tips you need to know if we have to use them. Look, I know some of you never pay attention to this stuff, but today you’re on my watch. Today, your safety is my responsibility.”

The snickering stopped. The plane became silent. (Yes, even the babies stopped whining for a few minutes.)

His passion was obvious. His tone was one of concern. And he had a captive audience.

This guy actually cares about his job. He cares about us. And if I ever get stuck in an emergency, I want him leading the way!

For the next five minutes, I learned more about flight safety than I’ve learned in every prior flight – combined! And he didn’t stop at safety. He went on to check on passenger comfort and even injected some light humor.

“Is the temperature ok for you? Too hot or too cold? Does anyone need a bottled water before takeoff? Everyone know how to work the reading lights? For those of you who want to sleep, just let me know and I’ll be happy to wake you up when we arrive at our destination. At no extra charge!”

The flight took off without a hitch, and he proceeded to work about his duties with little fanfare. I continued to watch him carefully. He wasn’t intrusive or overbearing, just pleasant and diligent.

After the flight, I couldn’t help myself. I had to ask him. “Sir, I couldn’t help but noticing. Are you always this passionate about your work?”

He gave me a big smile and replied, “Attitude is EVERYTHING!”

The Apostle Paul describes it like this:

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. (Col 3:23-24)

I wonder, what would our daily work look like – I mean really look like – if we were passionate about our work?

Strong, Believable Characters: What I Liked About Yesterday’s Tomorrow

2011-11-04T05:00:00.002-04:00

Are you tired of weak, unrealistic characters who put you to sleep? Me too.

Looking for some fresh fiction and strong characters? Then check out Yesterday’s Tomorrow by talented, first-time author Catherine West.

Yesterday’s Tomorrow is an action-packed love story set in Vietnam. I read it quickly, probably because I loved the two main characters: Kristen Taylor and Luke Maddox.

Kristen is a brilliant journalist who is chasing the memory of her late father, trying to break the biggest story of her life. She’s independent, stubborn, and beautiful. The envy of every women.

Luke is a talented and mysterious photographer. He’s the guy we love to hate. And he’s the guy we hate to love. Let’s just say he’s a little rough around the edges and easy on the eyes.

Of course, Kristen and Luke fall in love. The plot thickens, and they have to decide what’s really important in life. Relationships? Career? Personal safety?

Here’s another reason I liked this book. The characters are believable – even human. Even though this book is written by a Christian author, the faith-based center doesn’t over power the story. Instead, the characters are allowed to learn through trial and error, experiencing faith lessons through time and circumstances (kind of like real life!).

Sound like something you’d like to read? Just leave me a comment before Monday, and I’ll put you in a drawing for a free copy.

Have a good weekend!

Christian Working Moms: Join Me Today At 4Word

2011-11-02T06:58:00.001-04:00

You know from my review last week that I’m really excited about a new book for young professional women called Work, Love, Pray.

And you also know that I’m supporting 4Word – a national nonprofit designed to connect, lead and support young professional Christian women to live out their God-given talents!

Today, I’m joining 4Word over at their blog. Check out my interview about my own journey as a Christian working mom and my book Chasing Superwoman.

Leave me a comment today here and over at 4Word and I’ll send you a copy of Chasing Superwoman!

What Prayer And Boot Camp Have In Common

2011-10-30T16:48:00.000-04:00

Boot camp is where I meet with other women at an unthinkable hour in the morning. We pay too much money to some guy called a “trainer” who tortures us each week with new equipment and drills. Last week I almost passed out.

Since I’ve been blogging about prayer this month, I got to thinking. Prayer is a lot like boot camp.

Don’t let anyone tell you that prayer isn’t hard work. And don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s going to be easy – that you’re going to feel “spiritual” or even motivated to set aside regular time to pray.

It doesn’t work that way.

Like boot camp, prayer tends to be inconvenient. Would you rather sleep in or hit the snooze button at 5:00 a.m.? Would you rather talk on your cell phone on your commute to work or maintain discipline in silence? Would you rather eat a hearty lunch or go hungry to pray?

It’s not easy. And it’s not supposed to be either.

When Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, his tears were like drops of blood. Which means he must have been praying pretty hard. And when he asked his disciples to keep watch and pray, he kept finding them asleep! See – they wanted to hit the snooze button too!

Some of you are moaning right now. Prayer is hard work, thanks for that. Brilliant. Now you really have me motivated.

Wait. Before you give up, there’s good news. God doesn’t expect us to do it alone. He gives us the best trainer possible– the Holy Spirit! And he also gives us some equipment and friends along the way.

Do you think I would attend boot camp at a horrible hour, but for the other women who are expecting me to be there? Of course not. This is one of the reasons I suggest a partner or a Prayer Maven to hold us accountable. I also like to pull out a variety of tools and “equipment.” In this season of life, I’m often brain dead when I pray, so I use a prayer list, journal, or even a script. (For parents, I highly recommend The Power of A Praying Parent.)

Would I submit myself to the pain of boot camp unless I thought it would produce results? Of course not. When the woman next to me is yelling, “bikinis at 40!” I remember it’s all for a reason.

So too with prayer.

We need to keep the end goal in mind. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. That’s a promise from our Trainer. Which means prayer actually works.

Do you find that prayer is hard work? What kind of equipment do you use? And how do you focus on the task without losing sight of the goal?

Why I’m A Bible Study “Drop Out”

2011-10-28T05:00:00.002-04:00

I haven’t been part of a women’s Bible study in years. And I really miss it. Which is why I told my husband, “This year, things are going to be different. I’m going to make it a priority. I want to do this. I need to do this.”

So I signed up for a Tuesday night study and faithfully attended the first week. I even had to sign a “commitment” sheet and declared I would do my best to achieve regular attendance.

The second week, I was out of town on business.

The third week, I looked at the evening calendar and quickly realized I would have to hire a babysitter or clone myself in order to get three kids to three different evening events.

So I said to my husband, “I think I’m going to drop out of Bible study, what do you think?”

Part of me wanted him to tell me I had to quit. That signing up for another evening event is stupid. That hiring a babysitter to run the kids around in the evenings is a foolish use of our resources. And that being with the kids right now is the better use of my time.

But he didn’t.

He responded, “Do whatever you think is best.” (It’s called reverse psychology -- and it gets me every time.)

Great, I actually have to make this decision myself. I can’t blame him for holding me back.

I didn’t want to drop out. I’m not a quitter, but I just can’t justify the evenings away from my family during this busy season of motherhood. Can anyone relate?

Maybe next year.

Does this season of life have you making some hard personal choices?

Work, Love, Pray: Practical Wisdom For Young Professional Christian Women

2011-10-26T05:00:00.001-04:00

“If I was really serving God, I wouldn’t be spending my days in high heels and a business suit. I’d find something more spiritual to do – like serving my family or volunteering at my church. Right?”

Can you relate to this statement? Even if you can’t, unfortunately, many Christian women can. Most of us know a young Christian woman who is struggling to figure out how she will balance her career, family, and faith. And she might even feel marginalized in the church, just because she works outside the home.

Here’s my answer. Give her a copy of Work, Love, Pray.

This newly released book by executive Diane Paddison helps working women answer the question: Can I be the woman God intended – even the wife and mother God intended – while striving to excel in my career?

Paddison not only tackles this question, she answers it with a resounding “yes”!

Here’s what I liked about the book. It encourages women to stop whining and start taking action – like seeking out mentors and making smart career choices.

From dual-career families to negotiating with your boss, Paddison hits the hot buttons facing women in the workplace. And despite her enormous success in business, she isn’t preachy or condescending. She’s quick to admit her failures and recognizes that God places each of us in unique circumstances.

Here’s another thing I loved about the book. Work, Love, Pray offers dozens of examples of the successes, failures, and lessons learned from other women on the journey. Including women who have “failed” in business. Women who have been abandoned by a spouse or have unexpectedly lost a family member. Women who have lost it “all” – yet have persevered in faith to rise above their circumstances to live out their God-given talents.

The only thing I didn’t like about this book?

It didn’t exist 20 years ago. I could have really used the advice! In fact, Paddison has founded 4Word, a national nonprofit designed to connect, lead, and support young professional Christian women. Check out the 4Word website here.

Who do you know who can benefit from Work, Love, Pray?

Say No To Cell Phones And Yes To Prayer!

2011-10-24T09:29:00.001-04:00

Mobile phones are sucking the life right out of us. Present company included. (Yeah, I’m an addict.)

From distracted drivers to texting during family meals and business meetings, we’re zoned out and checked out way too often.

Amber Binkertation is putting her mobile phone in the trunk whenever she drives this week!

Heather Sunseri was rightfully annoyed when iPhone cameras recently dominated a wedding ceremony.

I was recently stunned by texting during a funeral.

We don’t even try to hide it. And we need help. We need an intervention. Which is why – for this week – I’m going to say “no” to my cell phone and yes to prayer.

No, I’m not getting rid of my mobile phone. I legitimately need it for my job and family. But I don’t need to be talking while I’m driving. I don’t need to be walking around airports with my earpiece. And I don’t need to be texting during breakfast. (Note to self: I am really annoying when I walk around with my earpiece.)

Here’s where prayer fits in. I’m going to take all that unnecessary “phone time” this week and pray instead. Which means I’ll have a few extra hours of prayer in my schedule.

Care to join me?

Blessings From A One-Star Review

2011-10-21T09:57:00.001-04:00

I love writing. And I love writing about writing. Which is why I’m posting today over at the WordServe Water Cooler.

The topic? How I benefited from a one-star review. No kidding. Click here and find out the three reasons criticism can make you strong.

Have some extra time this weekend? Check out a few of my favorite posts this week:

Have a great weekend all!

Why I Changed My Name

2011-10-19T05:00:00.003-04:00

Why did I change the name of my blog? Not to mention I’ve changed my Twitter name from @LawyerMommy to @SusanDiMickele. Is Lawyer Mommy dead? Done? Looking for a new identity?

It’s a good question. And some of you have asked.

As you may know, I’m pretty new in this writing business. I’m a first-time author, and I’ve been blogging for less than two years. So I try to pay attention to the experts in the business, like my agent Rachelle Gardner and social media guru Kristen Lamb, who advise us authors to use our published NAME when we write. (For example, check out Kristen’s post this week on Jane Friedman’s blog.)

But just because I’m told to do something doesn’t mean I’m going to do it. So I’ve thought about this “branding issue” for myself and I’ve concluded that it makes sense to use my full name as a writer for two main reasons: 1) My name isn’t going to change; and 2) My name is who I am.

My Name Isn’t Going to Change

I’ve been married for almost 20 years. I took my husband’s name shortly before law school and never looked back. A couple of years ago, I thought about running for political office and the powers that be told me my Maiden name, Moore, would be more “ballot friendly.” My husband agreed (plus, being a private person, he didn’t want his name smeared in a campaign).

“Suz, you really should have kept your maiden name.”

Gee honey, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think!

The fact of the matter is, I’m not changing my name. I’m Susan DiMickele (pronounced “De-Michael”). Period.

It sounds terribly simple, but it’s true. Lots of things in life change – our careers, relationships, goals – but our names generally stick with us.

Plus, I’m terribly indecisive. Case in point. In less than two years, I’ve changed the name of my blog two times. (Sorry, I’m not a branding genius. Remember I said I was new at this?)

My Name Is Who I Am

My name is no secret. I’m easy to find. I have a public profile as a lawyer and a public profile as an author. Same name. Same person. (Not to mention I’ve already published Chasing Superwoman under Susan DiMickele.)

If I was really clever, I would have published under my Maiden name (or under a trendy pen name), but I’m not that smart. I tend to let it all hang out there. Like it or not. It’s me. My name is who I am.

And I thank God some things in life don’t change!

Have you ever wrestled with the use of your name for a creative or artistic endeavor?

How To Make Time For a Prayer Partner!

2011-10-16T19:06:00.000-04:00

“As much as I would love to pray with a partner, I need to be realistic. I don’t have enough time to pray by myself. How the heck am I going to arrange getting together with someone else?"

Excuses, excuses. Yes, I’ve heard them all. I’ve used them all myself.

By now, you should be convinced you need a Prayer Maven. And even if you don’t have a Maven in mind, you know that God will use two or three who are gathered together.

So, your heart is saying you need a prayer partner, but your head is saying you don’t have time.

My answer?

1) We need to be creative; and
2) It’s going to be inconvenient for someone.

We need to be creative.

I used to think I needed a special prayer room and an uninterrupted hour in my day to pray with someone else.

Note to self: It will never happen!

Being creative means looking at our schedules and finding a few holes. Getting up early. Staying up late. Praying on the treadmill; in the coffee shop; on the sidelines at the soccer game.

Now, if we are going to pray with partners, it should be at a regular time and place. My Prayer Maven and I meet every Wednesday morning, by telephone, during my morning commute. It’s usually only 30-45 minutes. And it works!

It’s going to be inconvenient for someone.

Did I mention that my Prayer Maven gets up at 5:00 a.m. to pray with me? She’s on West Coast time, and, yes, she’d rather be sleeping. But instead she makes the sacrifice. (This is why I highly recommend praying with a Maven. Notice that she is the one who is inconvenienced in this relationship!)

The bottom line is that prayer is hard work – something we’ll talk more about next week. But it’s worth it.

How will you make time for a prayer partner?

Are you praying for that Prayer Maven?

What Makes Your Day?

2011-10-14T05:00:00.004-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, my cell phone died an unexpected death and I asked, What Ruins Your Day? Well, since then, I’ve had a bit of an attitude adjustment, and I’d like to ask a different question.

What makes your day?

Is it the big things? The little things? The expected? The unexpected?

Here’s an unexpected dose of grace that made my Friday.

To the gratest mom in the world!

From you dater Anna.

Dear mom,

I love you with my holl hart! Anyway, I’m so ecited that its Friyday, and I get to spend time with you! When Nicks gone at his sleepover, and were here, we should think of something fun! Like having girls night out, or watch a movie. Something like that!

Love,

Anna
************

What makes your day? Just as important, what can we do today to make somebody else’s day?

Does Prayer Work At Work?

2011-10-12T05:00:00.001-04:00

Do you forget to pray at work? I have to admit, I often doubt that God cares about conference calls and billable hours. Sometimes, I think prayer doesn’t even matter in the office. Right?

Wrong.

Ok, I’ll have to admit. I usually pray at work when I am really desperate. Like when someone is driving me crazy and I think I’m going to jump off a cliff. Like when I know I can’t meet a deadline unless time freezes. Like when my skirt rips on the way to court.

Can anyone relate?

A couple of years ago, I decided to ask God. Do you really care about this situation at the office, God, because I don’t feel like you do? And I don’t see a way around it. But I’m going to trust and pray. By the way, I’m only giving you 30 days. I can’t take it any longer than that!

Here’s what happened. I committed not to complain and instead PRAY for 30 days about a difficult situation at work.

At first, I wasn’t sure I could do it. I love to complain. I love to be the martyr. And if I prayed about it, maybe God would ask me to change. I wasn’t sure I could live with that.

But when you’re really desperate, you sometimes get over yourself.

The result?

In less than 30 days, I received an unexpected, unsolicited apology note from a colleague who had really hurt me. God provided something I would have never asked for or even imagined. God blew me away. And I was just asking him to help me survive.

God, why don’t I ask you to intervene at work more often?

Are you struggling at work? Try the 30-day prayer challenge. And PLEASE let me know what happens, ok?

Why You Need A Prayer Maven

2011-10-09T22:04:00.000-04:00

Are you in a prayer rut? Maybe you don’t have the time. You lack motivation. You have no energy.

But you really want to pray. Right? You really need to pray.

In addition to a kick in the pants and a healthy dose of the Holy Spirit, may I make suggestion? You might just need a prayer partner. Heck, you don’t just need a prayer partner. You need a Prayer Maven!

You may not be familiar with this term, so I’ll do my best to explain. A Maven is an expert in a particular field who seeks to pass knowledge on to others. (For a great discussion of Mavens generally, check out Kristen Lamb’s Blog here.)

Now, back to a Prayer Maven. Naturally, a Prayer Maven is an expert on prayer. She’s passionate about prayer. She prays, and she just doesn’t go through the motions. She believes in prayer. But she doesn’t stop there. She seeks to pass this knowledge on to other people. She doesn’t want to keep the joy of prayer to herself.

I am blessed to know a couple of Prayer Mavens, including my own dear mother. But for purposes of this post (and the related posts that will follow), I’m going to tell you about my sister. My sister Amy is a textbook Maven.

How do you spot a Maven?

Here are a few clues. When Amy finds a bargain, she doesn’t keep it to herself. She calls everyone she knows. In fact, she’ll even buy you the last pair of shoes that are on sale, just in case you want them. (She’ll gladly take them back later; she genuinely doesn’t want you to miss out.) Amy does the same thing when it comes to food and health choices. Once she found some luney holistic doctor and she sent me every article he ever wrote, completely unsolicited. She’s always looking out for your best interest.

Get the point?

Ok, now translate the above to a Prayer Maven. Amy is crazy about prayer. Which means she doesn’t just want to pray for you, she wants to pray with you. She’s not one of those prayer partners who gets together just to talk about herself or vent or complain. She’s going to limit the fluff talk and help you focus on prayer. Which makes the perfect recipe for a prayer partner. And since God promises that where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them, you’re in business!

Do you know a Prayer Maven? Maybe it’s time to ask God to put one in your life!

And don’t worry, you don’t need a Prayer Maven to get started. God will honor the prayers of a regular Joe or Jane when we come together in faith.

[We’ll keep talking about prayer partners later this month.]

Good News For Coffee Addicts!

2011-10-07T05:00:00.000-04:00

I love to finish out the week with good news, don’t you? And this little nugget of information is music to my ears. Coffee is actually good for you!

In case you haven’t heard, a new study from the Harvard School of Public Health shows that caffeine-drinking coffee-guzzling women have a lower risk of depression.

No, I’m not making this up!

Here are some highlights from the study:

Women who drink two to three cups of coffee per day are 15% less likely to develop depression compared to those who drink a maximum of one cup of per week.
Women who drink at least four cups per day have a 20% lower risk of depression than the “one cup per week” group.

In other words, it’s better to drink four cups a day than one cup a week!

I know, I’m getting carried away. But can you blame me? After all, it’s Friday.

Have you had your four cups today?

[I was going to blog about prayer today, but I got side tracked. I know. Excuses, excuses. So I’m hitting prayer hard next week. Will you join me? You can bring your coffee!]

Need A Radical Sabbatical?

2011-10-04T02:00:00.003-04:00

If you’re a working mom (or dad) you may have noticed that “The Schedule” is slightly out of control. That’s putting it mildly, isn’t it? If your schedule is like mine, it’s a freight train without brakes.

The train has left the station and there’s no stopping it now.

Right?

Maybe not. Just wait a minute. There’s someone out there who has activated the emergency brake. Yes, I’m hear to tell you that it’s possible (even beneficial) to step back and take a radical sabbatical.

Meet Joanne Kraft.

This brave (slightly crazy?) working mother of four decided to pull the plug for an entire year on all extra-curricular activities. And she lived through it, became a better mother and wife, and decided to write a book about it: Just Too Busy – Taking Your Family On A Radical Sabbatical.

I know what you’re thinking. I’m not that radical. I could never do it. My family would hate me. Our lives revolve around The Schedule.

Don’t worry, I was thinking the same thing. In fact, I’m not here to suggest that every family should drop out of activities for a year. And Joanne Kraft doesn’t suggest that either. Your radical sabbatical will probably look different than mine or hers.

In my case, after reading Just Too Busy, my family took a much-needed 2-week vacation with no TV and internet. And let me tell you, that was a big step for my ever-loving media addicts (hubby included!). For me, it’s about taking small steps. And Just Too Busy gave me the inspiration I needed, plus plenty of ideas to chew on.

I don’t want to give the book away because I want you to buy it on Amazon. What I will say is that Just Too Busy game me some serious perspective. In fact, I’d love to give you my copy – just leave me a comment to enter a drawing.

Do you need some perspective? Do you feel like the train has left the station and you can’t find the emergency brake? Are you ready for a radical sabbatical? What are you waiting for?

Too Busy To Pray? I’m Not Buying It!

2011-10-02T20:52:00.000-04:00

“I just can’t find time to pray. I’m just too busy!”

Does this sound familiar?

Well, I’m not buying it!

Don’t get me wrong, I understand we’re all busy. We’re overworked, undervalued, and downright exhausted. Our kids are running us around from band practice to soccer fields. We’re already getting up too early. Staying up too late.

And if you’re like me, you’ve given God every excuse in the book.

I need the extra sleep.

I’ll pray more when my schedule changes.

I'll do it tomorrow.

I’m too tired.

You already know what I’m thinking God, why do I have to tell you?

I pray when I tuck my kids in at night. Doesn’t that “count”?

Fortunately, God isn’t keeping score. Which frankly makes me want to pray all the more. But that’s not the only reason I want to pray. You see, I’m convinced that the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Which is why this month, I want to talk about prayer. And I don’t just want to talk about it, I want to do something about it. Better yet, I want you to join me.

I’m tired of the same old excuses. Aren’t you?

So, what’s your excuse when it comes to prayer? Are you too busy? Too tired? Or maybe you just need a fresh start?

[Join me next Monday when I talk about the power of a Prayer Maven!]

The Church Doesn’t Like Me!

2011-09-26T19:50:00.001-04:00

Did you ever feel like you don’t fit in the church? Like you can’t find anything in common with the people around you? Maybe you’ve tried, but you just can’t seem to connect.

You’re not alone.

An old friend I’ll call “Kate” stopped over last weekend. I could tell she was upset. Things at home were going well, her practice was booming, and she looked great. So, what was the problem?

“No one in my church likes me!” she exclaimed. “I just don’t fit in.”

Kate is a brilliant physician. Like me, she has three young kids and a husband who frequently holds down the fort. Like me, she probably works too much. And like me, she’s had a hard time figuring out her place in the church.

Kate doesn’t have time for weekly Bible studies. She’s not involved in after-school activities. She doesn’t help with carpool or put together prayer chains. And she feels like her peers in the church have written her off – that she doesn’t have anything to contribute.

But Kate has much to contribute.

She spearheads cutting-edge medical research. She interacts with the public and influences families regarding their health care choices. She loves Jesus, and she’s raising her children to do the same. She just needs some help in the process. She needs people who will come along side her, accept her for who she is, and welcome her into community.

Don’t give up on the church Kate! The church needs you. And you need the church.

Maybe you know a Kate. Maybe you’re like Kate.

Have you ever felt out of place in the church? You may think you have nothing to contribute when, in fact, you’re needed. Desperately.

Are You Ready For A One-Star Review?

2011-09-23T08:08:00.000-04:00

It’s no fun getting a one-star review on Amazon. What’s worse? Having your 10-year-old son read it in front of you.

When Nick looked up, he was fighting the tears. Trying to stay strong. Trying to act like it didn’t matter.

Then he gave his own critique.

“You know, Mom, some of this is probably true. But, you know what really upsets me? She didn’t criticize your book. She criticized you. And she doesn’t even know you.”

[To continue reading, join me here at the Wordserve Water Cooler.]

I’m Not The Room Parent!

2011-09-21T06:00:00.008-04:00

It’s Working Mommy Wednesday. The school year is in full swing. And I can barely keep up. Parent homework. Forms. Packing lunches. Juggling schedules. School fundraisers. Snack duty. More forms.

Not to mention my kids’ multiple after-school activities. It’s simply exhausting.

Remember when we were kids – and we actually did our own homework? Today, it’s impossible for parents to keep up.

I know, I know. It’s good for parents to be involved. But let’s think about life when we were kids.

My parents never had to check my homework every night or sign a “homework log.” I had to do it myself.
My parents never got involved in school fundraisers. I went door to door and sold candy bars (ok, maybe they bought a few bars from me).
My parents didn’t drop me off in front of the school or walk me to my classroom. I took the bus.
My parents never volunteered in my classroom. (No, my mom wasn’t the room mother.)

And I wasn’t neglected a bit. I had more love at home than I could have asked for. But school was school. And home was home.

What happened to those lines?

Parents, are you a bit overwhelmed by the demands of school? Do you think our kids would be more independent if we were less involved? Or am I just over-reacting a bit?

Worried About What People Think?

2011-09-18T12:41:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I worry too much what people think.

As a working mom, I worry that other moms will think I'm too career-oriented. That I'm not focused enough on my family.

As a lawyer, I worry that if I talk too much about my kids (and constantly showcase my darling pictures and stories) business-minded folks won't think I'm a top-notch lawyer. Instead, they'll associate me with "mommy" brain.

Case in point, I've recently wondered whether driving my mommy mobile is a career limiting gesture. My wagon is scratched, worn, and dented (I’ve never pretended to be a skilled driver), but it has also survived the stains, pains, and drains of three small children.

Which has recently caused me some embarassment.

I was visiting a high-profile client at his office. After the meeting he asked, “Hey, I hope it isn’t a bother, but I was hoping you could give me a ride to the dealer.”

My heart sank.

Did I mention that I also use my car as a second office? Since the passenger side is usually empty, I always have papers and trash sitting next to me. And I always spill my coffee, which is why there are multiple stains in the front seat and carpet.

“Of course you can have a ride," I replied.

He got into the front seat, and I just couldn’t find the right words.

Please excuse the stains, I can assure you they are old and don’t contain live bacteria.

Despite the dents on the passengers’ side, I’ve never hit another car – just my garage and inanimate objects.

I’m really a much better lawyer than driver.

I’m due for a new car, but I just haven’t make up my mind. There are too many options.

Nothing sounded quite right.

And I don’t know what bothered me more – the fact that he was riding in my mommy mobile, or the fact that I was so worried about it.

Do you ever get caught up worrying about what people think?

Have The Sunday Night Blues?

2011-09-11T22:36:00.001-04:00

Do you get the Sunday night blues? The weekend is over. The laundry still isn't done. The alarm clock will be screaming tomorrow at an hour too early.

This Sunday, I was starting to feel pretty sorry for myself. I had just come off a funeral and the tenth anniversary of 9/11 haunted me all day. Especially since I’m heading to New York in the morning.

The last thing I want to do is jump on a flight, Lord.

As I put the girls to bed, they hugged me extra tight.

“Why do you have to leave in the morning? Why can’t you stay home with us?”

I just need more time with them, Lord. It’s so hard to leave.

I fought back tears as we opened our devotional together.

And God spoke.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

The words cut to my heart.

Sometimes, God does that. He speaks to me loud and clear. His words are like healing balm to my fresh wounds, and I’m thankful for today. For tonight. For this moment. And this moment is so lovely that I have to stop and catch my breath.

In the midst of my revelation my 5-year-old bellowed, "You're going to be alright, Mom. You've got to face your fears!"

Where the heck did that come from?

It's all part of the grace of this moment.

Tomorrow? Well, as Mark Twain once said, “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

Do you find yourself preoccupied with tomorrow instead of embracing this moment?

What Ruins Your Day?

2011-09-08T09:25:00.000-04:00

My cell phone died an unexpected death. Yesterday. I won’t give you the gory details, but let’s just say it’s lying on a highway somewhere along Route 315.

And it really upset me. I mean it really ruined my day.

I was grumpy. I was irritable. I felt lost and disconnected.

All because of a stupid phone that can be replaced!

But that was yesterday.

Today, I’m headed out of town for a funeral. Three young boys don’t have a mother anymore. It’s unexpected. It’s tragic. It’s unexplainable.

A mother can’t be replaced.

So I’ve had a bit of a paradigm shift. You see, I have much to be thankful for – including three beautiful children I can hold tonight – and I really don’t care anymore about my cell phone. And I’m pretty embarrassed that I let it ruin my day. (Yeah, I even had to apologize to my kids this morning.)

What silly things have you let ruin your day lately?

Has God Forgotten About Your Resume?

2011-09-05T16:30:00.000-04:00

Do you wish you had a different job? Do you think you are uniquely qualified – maybe even called by God! – to do something else?

You’re not alone.

I know, lots of people feel this way. What’s the big deal?

Here’s the big deal. Did you know that the Apostle Paul – arguably the most effective New Testament figure – likely had these same thoughts?

Check this out.

In Acts Chapter 22, Paul tells how he first responded when God told him he was going to be sent away to the Gentiles.

God: "Leave Jerusalem immediately, because the people here will not accept your testimony about me."

Paul: "These people know that I went from one synagogue to another to imprison and beat those who believe in you. And when the blood of your martyr Stephen was shed, I stood there giving my approval and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him."

Paul was probably thinking to himself: Wait a minute, I’m uniquely cut out to work in Jerusalem, remember? After all, I have been an insider. I know the ropes. I understand the culture. I have even walked in the shoes of those who persecute Christians. I can make a difference right here! I’m the guy to do it.

God's response? "Go; I will send you far away to the Gentiles."

Did God forget about Paul's resume?

After all, why would God send a highly-qualified insider out of his home territory to a place where he has nothing in common with the culture, geography, or religion of the people?

It’s like sending someone who has worked his way up Wall Street to run a soda pop stand in Ohio.

It's like sending a Republican to Berkley.

It’s like sending a surfer dude to the desert.

It’s like sending Pastor Eric from the Ivy League to North Dakota (and then to Ohio!)

You get the point.

Maybe you've even told God, “Hey, you must have made a mistake here. I'm meant to do something much more important. What about my resume?”

I've even wondered, does God just like to mess with us? Does he like to pull a fish out of water?

Or, like Paul, could it be that he has something bigger – maybe something even BETTER – for our futures?

[This post was inspired by Pastor Eric’s 8/28/11 sermon at Upper Arlington Lutheran Church. You can download it here.]

Too Busy (Not!) To Read With Your Kids

2011-09-01T10:59:00.000-04:00

Let’s face it, we have to work hard (and use some creativity) to maintain strong relationships with our children. Especially as they grow older. What was “cool” last year might not maintain their interests this year.

And here’s our greatest challenge. Time. If you’re like me, you have plenty of ideas, but you’re weak on execution. You have plenty of distractions. Plenty of excuses. Many of these excuses are even legitimate (like your day job!).

One answer to this dilemma? Books.

Nick (my 10-year-old son) and I both love to read. So I told him to pick out some books for me this summer. His choice.

Now, before you give me the “I don’t have time” lecture, please save it. You have time to read. Really. You can read when your kids are sleeping, when you can’t sleep, when the rest of your family is zoned out in front of the TV, or even in the bathroom. Been there. Done that. It’s doable.

This summer, I started with Gregor the Overlander (one of Nick’s favorites) and was quite taken with Suzanne Collins so I wanted to see what The Hunger Games was all about. (I loved it, by the way, but decided Nick can wait to read it until he’s a bit older.)

Then, following Nick’s lead, I read The Hobbit and The Fellowship of the Ring. Little did I know, I would become a J.R.R. Tolkien groupie (I’m waiting to read The Two Towers as soon as Nick finishes).

The good news? Nick and I have uniquely bonded. (So what if the rest of the family thinks we’re crazy when we talk about magic rings, hobbits, elves, and journeys to Mordor.)

It’s about establishing a new connection. Getting in their world. Starting a dialogue.

How do you nurture that connection with your growing children while a million other things are competing for your time and energy?

Have you tried reading lately?

Faking The Pain – (Part 4 of 4)

2011-08-29T14:18:00.003-04:00

Sometimes, we pretend like the more spiritually “mature” we are, the less pain we feel. Granted, we use over-spiritualized language and make those around us feel foolish – even sinful – for walking in pain. See if this sounds familiar.

“If you are really following God, you won’t base your happiness on circumstances. If you start putting your hope in God alone, he will take away your pain.”

Really?

And where does God promise to “take away” our pain if we just have enough faith?

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that God is a healer and a comforter. I believe that He takes great delight in meeting us right where we are. I just start getting nervous when Christians start claiming that you just need to have more “faith” and the pain will go away.

Sometimes, it doesn’t work that way.

Did the Apostle Paul feel “happy” about the thorn in his side? Did he lack “faith” when he begged God to take it away?

Did Jesus dismiss the excruciating pain as he hung on the cross? Would the pain have gone away if he just had more “faith”?

I think not!

For reasons I will never understand this side of heaven, God purposes to use pain. In fact, sometimes it appears that pain alone can produce the kind of enduring strength that most of us long for.

So why do we think we are entitled to a “pain free” existence?

Could it be that pain is for the strong?

************

[For those of you who have followed the "Faking the Pain" series, many thanks. Thanks especially for your private notes and emails. No more faking the pain around here, ok?]

Sure Cure For The Rat Race

2011-08-24T19:35:00.000-04:00

Are you tired of the rat race? Here’s my suggestion.

Get away. Take a week (or two) and leave the race completely. It puts things in perspective.

I just spent part of my family vacation off the grid. Which is how I met Rick and Jenni.

Rick and Jenni decided to get out of the race. Permanently. After tiring of their fast-paced lives in Chicago, they left their careers and purchased a small group of cottages on Michigan’s far western shores of Lake Superior. Now, they spend their summers renting lodging to families (like mine) who are trying to get away.

No mobile coverage. No stores. No hospitals. No restaurants. No people. No Starbucks.

It was novel at first (except the Starbucks part).

After a couple of days, I tried to imagine my family in Rick and Jenni’s shoes. In the mountains. In a town of several hundred people. We could have our own rental lodge and reside right on property to save money. My husband would be in charge of maintenance (which I guess would put me in charge of cleaning and laundry). Our kids could learn about wildlife firsthand – spending their summers on kayaks and winters on snowmobiles. I could spend my days writing (in between cleaning toilets) and I’d just have to buy an espresso machine and appropriate supplies.

But then my vision turned sour. I could see high-maintenance city folk knocking on my door at midnight because of a leaky toilet. After cooking the 40th meal in a row and scrubbing the 140th toilet I’d be screaming, “Where are the restaurants!” and “Where is my cleaning lady?” I’d be driving my kids 50 miles for play dates and 120 miles to the nearest movie theater. And what would we do without our cell phones?

Maybe getting off the grid isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m a city girl. I actually like people. And truth be told, I even like the rat race. I just need to get away every once in awhile to help remember.

When's the last time you got off the grid?

Faking The Pain (Part 3 of 4)

2011-08-22T11:40:00.000-04:00

I was having coffee with a friend who is struggling in her marriage. I mean really struggling. Yet she’s figured out how to get by.

What’s her secret? She’s given up all expectations in the relationship.

“Marriage is about managing expectations. If I expect nothing from him, at least I’m not disappointed. I am so tired of opening myself up, only to be hurt again.”

I wonder, is she faking the pain?

While I don’t want to discount her pain – and I know firsthand that unrealistic expectations (or even reasonable expectations) can cause more hurt and pain when people disappoint us – I’m just not ready to subscribe to the theory that one can “manage” pain by giving up hope.

Numb the pain? Maybe.

Ok, I realize there are seasons when we’re in survival mode – when numbing the pain is the best we can do. But hear me out. Have we missed the boat on this whole “pain management” theory?

We say things like, “People are always going to disappoint me. I only need God to make me happy.” We marginalize our relationships with other people so the pain doesn’t hurt as much. We put up walls. We pretend it doesn’t hurt. Then, we tell ourselves we are spiritually mature for “managing expectations.”

Is this the best we can do? Doesn’t God have something better in mind? And hasn’t he put us in relationship with other people – people who will give us joy, hope, and even pain?

While expectations can kill, life without hope is sterile. Lifeless. Sure, I’ve heard it said, “Hope is in God. Expectations are in other people.” But in practical terms, the lines are a bit gray. Which is why I’m constantly struggling to balance these two seemingly competing sisters: Hope and Expectation.

How do you reconcile the two?

The Power Of Unplugging

2011-08-08T06:00:00.001-04:00

I’m officially unplugged. For the next two weeks!

Am I already going through withdrawal? You bet.

Mind you, I had every intention of keeping up my blogging through August – even while I’m camping in remote places like the Porcupine Mountains. After all, I’m a modern day multi-taskaholic. Who says I can’t blog and camp at the same time? Besides, I’m the middle of a “Faking The Pain” series that I want to continue. Badly. And I’m part of a writing group that just launched the WordServe Water Cooler. I don’t want to take time off!

But wait. I hear my children calling:

“Mom, why are you working during vacation?”

And I hear my husband calling:

“Suz, get off of that @&#% laptop!”

I’m pretty stubborn, so I’m still not convinced.

Then I hear God calling:

“Be still. Slow down. Stop talking and listen.”

Ok, I get it.

{See you in two weeks when I pick up with Faking The Pain, Part 3 of 4.}

Faking The Pain (Part 2 of 4)

2011-07-31T20:17:00.001-04:00

My friend lost two immediate family members last year. Unexpectedly.

She’s tired of faking the pain.

She explained to me that she used to think life had its ups and downs. High seasons and low seasons. Good days and bad days.

But she doesn’t think that anymore.

Instead, she sees life as two parallel train tracks: Joy and Pain.

Sometimes, Pain is so strong and is running so fast that she can barely see Joy – it is miles and miles away. Other times, Joy is charging full speed ahead and Pain trails behind. She relishes these rare moments – when she is overwhelmed with Joy and goodness and it feels like Pain is defeated.

But it doesn’t last.

Most of the time, Joy and Pain run in tandem. She can feel them both. Side by side. Which means that she experiences great Pain and immense Joy at the same time. It actually works well. She doesn’t have to fake it – or feel like a hypocrite – when someone asks her how she is doing at breakfast as she says, “Fine.”

And 30 minutes later she is a mess.

That’s how Joy and Pain are. In fact, she even believes that they are supposed to run parallel. That life works best and grace multiplies when Joy and Pain are in balance. Pain allows us to experience Joy. And Joy allows us to experience Pain.

This irony became clear to me last week when I celebrated my daughter’s 8th birthday. I was in so much Pain that my insides were crying. Like I could collapse at any moment.

But 10 young girls arrived on my doorstep for a sleepover. And they brought me the sweetest Joy I have known in days. Popcorn. Movies. Dancing. Looking at stars. Telling stories late into the evening. Magical moments that brought me back to simpler days.

And the Pain in my stomach made the Joy even stronger. Clearer. Richer
.
***********

Have you ever experienced the great irony of these two friends: Joy and Pain?

Marketing 101: Know Yourself. Be Yourself. Stop Whining.

2011-07-27T13:34:00.008-04:00

How do you best market yourself as a writer (and a person)?

In one short post, I’m going to share my playbook. I’m linking up with Rachelle Gardner and my fellow colleagues at WordServe Literary to give away some unsolicited marketing secrets.

Don’t read this post if you are looking for a shortcut to building a platform. I don’t have one. And please don’t read this if you’re looking for time-saving secrets on social media, online communities, or networking with other bloggers. Sorry. I don’t have easy answers. While I engage in all of these strategies, I’d like to share a different perspective.

Know yourself. Be yourself. Stop whining.

1) Know Yourself.

You want practical advice, not a soap box. Right? I get it. So here’s how “knowing myself” has worked so far.

First, I know my limitations. I have no time to waste. I’m a too-busy lawyer with three small kids and a husband who already thinks I’m stretched 100 ways too many. Does this stop me? Of course not. I just have to make choices.

I shoot for quality, not quantity. I choose to connect with other writers and readers that are like-minded – people who inspire and sharpen me, regardless of what they can “do” for me. And while I’m not making the biggest splash around, it’s been incredibility meaningful. Meaning motivates me.
I hang out on Twitter because it’s fun and efficient. Of all the social media vehicles, I like Twitter the best. It’s fast, fun, and incredibly efficient. I’ve been on Twitter for less than a year, and it’s hands down driven more traffic to my blog than any other source.
I’ve joined one online community, and I’m committed. About a year ago, I joined The High Calling as a contributing editor. I guess you could say it’s part of my marketing plan, but that’s not why I do it. I feel at home there. It’s a place I’d hang out even if I bagged the whole writing scene.
I’m in it for the long haul. There’s no quick fix. I know that my personal platform is going to happen brick by brick. I’m not looking for quick results, just measurable progress over time.

2) Be Yourself.

Now, you may wonder what this has to do with marketing. Stick with me, it’s a fair question.

When I was a young trial lawyer, an old pro pulled me aside (come to think of it, I think he smacked me over the head) and gave me some key advice.

“Always be yourself in front of the jury. If you act fake, they can see right through it.”

Pretty good, huh?

I happen to think readers are a lot like jurors. So in this world of marketing madness on steroids, I’ve decided to just be me. I just can’t fake the whole networking thing. If I went around leaving random comments on blogs that said, “Please follow me and I’ll follow you back” I think I would shoot myself. (I don’t do auto messages either.)

The good news? If I’m networking with you, it means I actually like you. I'm not faking it.

Besides, being myself is the one thing I can do better than anybody else. (You probably have that same gift.)

3) Quit Whining.

Writers love to whine (present company especially included). We have it so hard, don’t we?

Lisa doesn’t work outside her home. Of course, she has all the time in the world to market and network.

Terry developed a platform because he has a big endorser. It must be nice. I don’t know anyone important.

Marketing isn’t what I signed up for. I just want to write, ok?

I’m an artist! Marketing is beneath me.

Excuses, excuses. Does this sound familiar?

Look, we all know that marketing doesn’t drive us to write. Writing drives us to market. You may think marketing is just a necessary evil (or just plain evil) but if you are passionate about getting your message out to other people, you’re going to have to sell yourself to an audience.

So stop whining and get to work!

Yeah, the work involves things like blogging and networking – the things I already told you I haven’t mastered. But if you set your mindset first – know yourself, be yourself, and quit whining – it might not be as tough as you think.

It’s actually tougher!

[If you care to continue the discussion on all things writing, please join me and my WordServe colleagues daily at the WordServe Water Cooler. I'm thrilled to be part of this newly-launched community of talented writers.]

Faking The Pain (Part 1 of 4)

2011-07-25T16:44:00.000-04:00

I break from a meeting and check my phone. A text comes through like a knife, and I learn that my friend’s illness has gotten worse. I want to stop. To cry. To pray. To even breathe.

But I can’t. I have to be back in the meeting in five minutes.

So I fake the pain. I’m good at this.

After all, I’m getting paid to be strong. Lawyers aren’t weak, and they certainly don’t cry during meetings. And it’s not like my pain makes me special. It just makes me normal.

For 30 seconds – before I re-enter the meeting – I argue with God. What kind of God allows pain to be normal?

Why God do you put us in this skin and allow this charade to continue? Is this really want you want? For your children to wear masks. And is everyone around me faking it too?

One in four people will suffer from mental illness in the course of a year.

Over 40% of people will be diagnosed with cancer during their lifetimes.

The unemployment rate is approaching double digits (and men are 45% more likely to lose their jobs than women).

Of course we’re not fine. No one is exempt. But just like me, everyone around me is good at faking it.

I pull myself together and head back into the meeting. I really feel like shouting, “It’s not Halloween anymore. Everybody, please take off your masks. Starting with me!”

But I don’t shout. And I don’t take off my mask. I fake it just enough to make it through the day.

Later, after work, I sit down at my laptop. I look at my blog. For 18 months I’ve written about kids, family, work, holidays, cooking, and even dancing. I’ve written about everything but pain. If you don’t know me – really know me -- you may think I lead a life of joy and bliss. You have to read between the lines to find the pain. But it’s there.

I hate pain. I hate watching others in pain.

But I’m tired of being afraid of pain. So I’m going start writing about it – for the next three Mondays. I’m going to finish that conversation with God and ask you to join me.

Do you find yourself pretending like you’re fine on the outside when inside your are a mess?

Will We Be 18 In Heaven?

2011-07-17T14:03:00.003-04:00

I’m getting ready for my 18-year-old niece’s graduation party. I pull a skirt and blouse out of my suitcase. In Ohio, I’d be trendy. I’d even be a bit edgy on casual day at the office.

But I’m not in Ohio. I’m in Vegas.

Midwest hip has long been out in Vegas. So I run to my niece and cry, “HELP!” I don’t want to be a middle-aged aunt tonight. So she hands me a red dress and I don’t look back. The dance floor is calling me.

In my sister’s tiny back yard stands a wooden dance floor. The men came to set it up today in the heat of the Vegas sun. Nails pounding. Sweat pouring. But the sun is down. The DJ is playing. And the neighbors (and the police!) have been warned. It’s not every day that we celebrate a woman coming of age.

So we dance.

I look around the dance floor and I’m the oldest. By about 20 years. At first I feel a little silly (in my niece’s red dress and all) but then I don’t care. I feel like I’m 18 again. And it feels good.

My father spots me across the yard and he starts to walk toward me. He had a bad fall today, and I know he is bleeding. And hurting. But his long pants are covering his fresh wounds, and I know he wants to dance. He wants to feel 18 again too.

We both look at my niece, and she is beautiful. It is her 18th birthday, and she is the star of this show. And she loves to dance. After all, it is in her blood. So my father takes her hand, and they dance. Together.

Mind you, he may have had trouble walking today. But tonight he will dance. With ease.

Then my mother – the most beautiful woman alive – takes the dance floor. She and my father are trying to do the jitter bug to rap music, and I’m laughing so hard that I think I might wet my pants -- not a good thing when you are wearing somebody else's dress. And I’m reminded that these moments are gift. These moments when we feel 18 again.

I happen to think we’re all going to be 18 in heaven. Especially when we’re dancing.

(Kaitlyn at 18!)

When Is Healthy Competition Unhealthy?

2011-07-12T09:15:00.001-04:00

Most workplaces thrive on competition. Especially – especially - law firms. I happen to know.

After sixteen years of working at one of the largest and most competitive law firms on the planet, I’ve come to accept the inevitable: my work is often a zero sum game.

Someone has to win. Someone has to lose. Welcome to the profession.

This reality hit me hard last week after a successful jury trial. I extended my hand to the losing party, but he pulled away with anger and harsh words. (His wife also gave me a big scowl.) What was I expecting, a hug? After all, the goal in court is to win, not to make nice.

Court isn’t the only place lawyers compete. We compete for clients. We compete for talent. We compete with other lawyers. We compete on behalf of our clients. So why should internal competition be any different?

[Click here to continue reading at The High Calling]

Putting Out Fires And Saving Sticky Buns

2011-07-08T13:38:00.002-04:00

The coffee is brewing. The bacon is sizzling. And the sticky buns are baking.

Before the fire.

If you came to my house the morning of July 4th – before the infamous Upper Arlington Parade – you would have experienced this first hand.

I set my house on fire. And we’re not talking about fireworks.

This playing with fire tends to stress out my husband (aka the Fire Putter Outer). In fact, even before the flames, I can see him sweating while watching my crazed multi-tasking.

I’m frying eggs in one hand and cutting fruit with the other hand. Pouring cereal for daughter #1 (she doesn’t like eggs) while daughter #2 insists on cracking eggs herself for the sticky buns. Of course, she misses the bowl and we pick the egg shells out of the batter with our bare hands. It’s 7:30 am and the guests will arrive in 30 minutes. I sigh in relief when the sticky buns enter the oven at 7:35 am. Finally, I can chug my coffee.

Then the smoke starts. The sticky buns are sticky. We use real butter. And everyone knows that real butter burns.

My husband tries to detain the smoke, but it’s no use. The flames are upon us. He throws water on the fire and quickly squashes it. (He then exits stage left to get some “air”.)

I am determined to save these sticky buns. The real butter (albeit burnt) is calling me. The guests don’t arrive for 20 minutes. This gives me time to clear the smoke, turn on the fans, and transfer the buns into a new pan.

And these buns are delicious. After breakfast, we have plenty of eggs and fruit left. Even the bacon remains. But the sticky buns are gone. Every last one.

A guest remarks, “I love these sticky buns. Can you give me the recipe?”

My husband gives me the look and I laugh out loud.

Being a mom, wife, daughter, lawyer, and writer has a lot to do with saving sticky buns. The fire will come. I’m convinced that we spend too much time trying to prevent the fire when we really need to prepare for the fire.

Because once you make it through the fire, you have nothing to fear.

**************

Each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. (1 Cor 3:13 ESV)

Is Writing Deadly?

2011-07-05T21:11:00.000-04:00

I spend a lot of time sitting. And according to a new study, this can be deadly!

That’s right. A recently study by the American Cancer Association shows sitting too much will shave years off your life. Women who sit more the 6 hours a day are 40% more likely to die sooner than women who sit only 3 hours a day (for men, the same study shows excessive sitters die 20% sooner).

Just a bit alarming. Don’t you think?

Even putting my day job aside, what about all the time I spend writing. Yikes! How does one write (or blog) without sitting behind a computer? It’s virtually impossible.

Am I taking years off my life at this very moment as I sit behind this screen, exercising only my fingers and my brain? Ok, I’m starting to panic. But what are my options, anyway?

1. Quit writing. I could find a new hobby. I could take up golf or try roller skating. Or maybe I should put the treadmill in the middle of our family room and start watching TV. Better yet, I could start cleaning in the evenings. My husband would be thrilled (since he doesn’t share my view that a clean house is overrated). But I just might be miserable. I’m terrible at golf, I haven’t roller skated since 7th grade, and I really hate TV. Need I say anything about cleaning?

2. Exercise more. Given all the time I spend sitting, I just need to kick the cardio up a notch. I could start running more. I could train for another half-marathon. I could try P90X again, even though the first time I wanted to die (not to mention eat everything in sight). Or maybe I should be one of those people who parks her car in the far corner of the lot. (I can just hear my kids complaining about the extra walking, but maybe I need to start working on them early!)

3. Stand more. I could get rid of my chair and my desk. I could get one of those standing work stations – you know, the kind that is ergonomically correct so that I’m not hunched over when I type. I could even get a stool (just for resting periods), and I could time myself to make sure I don’t sit more than 3 hours a day. My mother happens to be pretty good at standing. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve said, “Sit down, Mom!” and she replies,

“I’d rather stand!”

Maybe she is on to something.

4. Ignore the research. But then again, aren’t you sick and tired of these studies? It’s like we have no future – everything has been predetermined. If you eat chips, you’re going to die of heart disease. If you smoke, you’re going to die of lung cancer. If you ride a motorcycle, you’re going to get killed in an accident. Pretty soon, you’re going to tell me that my life span is genetic, and there’s nothing I can do about it! Am I just another statistic? And if God is in control, does my sitting (or lack of sitting) really make a difference anyway?

Maybe not. But I don’t think I’m going to ignore the research either. No, I’m not going to stop writing. I’m not going jump back on P90X or get rid of my desk chair.

But I think I’m going to try to sit less. Want to join me?

Be Careful What You Put In Writing!

2011-06-27T17:10:00.002-04:00

TMI. Also called “Too Much Information.” It’s a bad habit of mine. I tend to say too much.

When you’re a writer and your life appears on a blog, you need to be careful of TMI. Or so I’ve learned.

I was recently at my nephew’s graduation party, and I met a guy who reads my blog. (Pretty cool, huh, that even tough guys read Lawyer Mommy?) He even has a name for me. He calls me Stinky.

After all, I’ve written about the fact that showers are overrated. I’ve openly admitted I don’t wash my hair every day. And he couldn’t quite get that sordid imagine out of his brain. Stinky. Stinky Woman. Stinky Lawyer Woman. If the shoe fits, wear it! (In this case, the shoe stinks.)

I wonder, have I lost my mind? Why does a grown, professional women put her weaknesses on paper (not to mention on a public blog)? Especially stinky ones. Do I have to be so vulnerable? Couldn’t my readers do without the smelly talk?

Maybe I should just write about my “perfect” life in Lawyer Mommy Land. You know, I have the perfect marriage. My kids never break the rules. I never doubt God. I never doubt myself. And I shower three times a day. Does that smell better?

Despite the fact that you probably wouldn’t believe it, you probably wouldn’t read it. Who wants to read about someone who never makes mistakes, has it all figured out, and never skips a shower?

Not me!

That’s what I love about grace. God takes us just as we are. Treasures in jars of clay. Broken. Even stinky.

But my nickname is also a sober reminder that sometimes we need to guard our words. It’s one thing to make fun at our own mistakes, but what if I told you my husband was stinky? That my kids were incorrigible? That my boss was unfair?

Would that be TMI?

Mary or Martha?

2011-06-20T22:38:00.001-04:00

The story of Mary and Martha (two of Jesus’ best friends) has my attention. I like to imagine Mary and Martha living in the 21st Century.

Martha is a trailblazer. (Heck, she owned property in the ancient world -- a rare status for women!) She's also a constant worrier and worker bee who is rushing around to get everything done and ordering everyone around. She’s outraged that everyone around her is plain lazy (or incompetent) and she’s always saying, “Do I have to do everything myself?”

She brings home the bacon and fries it up in a pan. She's taking care of her family -- both emotionally and financially -- and she wonders when someone is going to take care of her instead! She’s keeping score of who’s doing what (and who’s not doing what), and she’s always nagging at someone.

Sound like anyone you know? I get stressed out just watching her. Maybe because she hits too close to home.

Unlike Martha, Mary is calm and laid back, sitting at Jesus’ feet. How does Mary get anything done? And why does she let Martha do all the work?

I don’t think Mary is lazy -- she just has her priorities ordered. She works smarter, not harder. And when the guest of honor arrives in her home, she knows better than to run around and try to impress him. Instead, she just sits and listens.

Mary knows how to delegate. She orders the schedule. The schedule doesn’t order her. When her meeting cancels unexpectedly, she stops and gets a pedicure. And when her kids don’t have school in the morning, she lets them stay up late and eat popcorn.

She’s known to change plans.

So many of us want to live like Mary but we feel trapped in Martha’s world.

I am a type B person trapped in a type A life. I have a type A job, wear type A clothes, and live in a type A neighborhood. My family’s daily routine has just about no spontaneity let alone flexibility. Everything we do revolves around the “schedule” -- homework, play dates, after school activities, and scheduled appointments. If it’s not on the schedule, you might as well forget it!

Like Mary, I want to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen.

But is it possible to live like Mary in a modern-day world?

Martha probably asked the same question.

Stuck Or Strong?

2011-06-12T14:53:00.006-04:00

Abigail is one of my favorite women of the Bible. (After all, I named my third born after her!)

I am struck by Abigail for the following reasons: 1) Abigail’s lousy situation; 2) Abigail’s brave response; and 3) God’s ultimate provision.

1) Abigail’s lousy situation.

Abigail is smart and beautiful, but she’s (unfortunately) married to a jerk. Samuel describes it like this.
“She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband [Nabal] was surly and mean in all his dealings.” (v.3)

We can assume that Nabal was likewise a jerk to Abigail. Was he always a jerk, or did he turn mean after they married? We’ll never know. What we do know is that she was stuck in a bad situation that was about to get worse.

Nabal was so stubborn and stingy that he wouldn’t even compensate David for protecting his property. This angered David, who vowed he would not “leave one male alive of all who belong to him!” (v. 22)

In other words, destruction would soon descend on the house of Nabal. One of Nabal’s servants warned Abigail the evening before David’s army would attack, pleading with her to take action.

What’s a woman to do when her husband won’t respond to the voice of reason, and she knows her household is about to be destroyed?

2) Abigail’s brave response.

“Abigail lost no time.” (v. 18) She takes matters into her own hands. While Nabal is unaware and drunk, she packs up food and gifts and rides on her donkey to meet David.

She puts herself in harm’s way – she pleads for peace when David and his men are ready to fight.
And she doesn’t just act. She takes responsibility for her entire household.

“My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name – his name is Fool and folly goes with him.” (v. 25)

Notice what Abigail doesn’t do.

She doesn’t make excuses for Nabal or pretend that everything is “fine.” She also doesn’t say, “There’s nothing I can do, my household is doomed.”

She also doesn’t try try to harm Nabal. Don’t think it didn’t cross her mind! Maybe she thought about poisoning him in his sleep. She doesn’t even plead to God, “Strike my husband dead!”

Instead, she influences the situation for good. She looks at where she can make a difference. She acts swiftly and decisively.

3) God’s ultimate provision.

Did Abigail honor God with her actions? I think she did. She acted with grace and honor and left the results to God.

God likewise honored Abigail.

After Abigail saved the day (and Nabal sobered up) she went back and told Nabal what had happened. He had a heart attack. Ten days later, he died.

You guessed it, when David learned of Nabal’s death, he “sent word to Abigail, asking her to become his wife.” (v. 40)

Did Abigail live happily ever after? I don’t know exactly. But I do know that God provided for her in her time of need.

******

I don’t know your situation. It might be lousy. But learn from Abigail and use your influence for good. Instead of an attitude that says, I'm stuck, there's nothing I can do, Abigail teaches us that, even in the midst of what appears to be a hopeless situation, we can act in faith. Instead of being stuck, we can be strong.

Kids And The Devil

2011-06-05T22:36:00.001-04:00

I was putting my girls to bed the other night when Abby (age 5) asked, “Is the Devil real?”

I gave my lawyer answer and tried to punt. After all, what parent wants to be up with her kids before bed (they're already afraid of the dark) talking about the Devil.

“We don’t need to worry about the Devil, sweetie.”

She wasn’t satisfied.

If you’re reading this, chances are you may not have resolved the question in your own mind. Most Americans don’t believe in the Devil. And this includes many Christians.

In a 2009 Study of the Barna Group, four out of ten Christians (40%) strongly agreed that Satan “is not a living being but is a symbol of evil.” An additional two out of ten Christians (19%) said they “agree somewhat” with that perspective. A minority of Christians indicated that they believe Satan is real by disagreeing with the statement: one-quarter (26%) disagreed strongly and about one-tenth (9%) disagreed somewhat. The remaining 8% were not sure what they believe about the existence of Satan.

Let’s face it, believing in the Devil in our culture is kind of like believing in the Easter Bunny. (My kids are scared of him, too!) After all, what parent wants to tell her child that an evil, powerful being seeks to destroy her faith and ultimately her soul? Not me.

It would have been much easier to say, “No honey, he’s not real. Just go to sleep.”

But being a parent isn’t about taking the easy way out.

Given that I personally believe the Devil is real (no, I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny), I couldn’t continue to dodge the bullet. So I answered Abby very matter of fact, the best way I knew how.

“Yes, the Devil is real. He hates God and wants you to hate God too. But God is stronger.”

You know the next set of questions.

“Where does he live? Can he get me? Where is he right now?”

Great, I thought to myself. This is going to be a fun night of sleep.

“I really don’t know where he lives. I do know that God is stronger. God can beat him up. So, if I follow God I don’t have to worry about the Devil hurting me. He can never ever take my soul. God protects us.”

Abby seemed satisfied as she blurted out in her favorite condescending tone:

“The Devil is dumb and stupid. And I hate him! If I saw him, I’d punch him in the face!”

She slept all night without disturbing mom.

It’s My Money!

2011-05-29T23:01:00.000-04:00

We recently established a “giving fund” that the kids’ contribute to from their own money. I expected them to be excited – to have some tangible impact and personal connection to the causes we’ll support as a family. What I didn’t expect was the strong feelings invoked in my 5-year-old, Abby.

And I’m not talking about positive feelings.

When it was time to put in her dollar, she wailed and moaned. With her fists clenched and her eyebrows raised, she raged,

“You can’t do this! It’s my money!”

You would have thought we were cutting off her right arm. Her older siblings tried to convince her she really doesn’t need the dollar (and it could help another kid who might not have food or clothes) but she still didn’t care. The queen wasn’t parting with the crown jewels any time soon.

Being the patient mother I am, I ripped the dollar out of her hand and threw it in the pile. She put her head down in a final, contrived pout. I thought to myself, I’d hate to get stuck on a deserted island with this chick. She'd take every last crumb for herself.

I know, I shouldn’t be so hard on her. She’s young. She has time to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her wants and needs. But I also know that gratitude isn’t just going to appear on her doorstep one day. She’s not going to “grow into it” over time or voluntarily relinquish her self-protective nature.

We have to be intentional. Sooner, not later.

Several days after Abby’s rant, I stumbled upon a post by Amy Sullivan -- How To Raise Selfish Kids. I laughed out loud. Been there. Done that. One of the reasons I follow Amy’s blog is because she’s passionate about cultivating a radical attitude of giving in her children. And as I read along, I realize my heart wants the same thing for my own children.

But I have so far to go. Some days, I act a lot like Abby.

Baby steps.

Spiritual Lessons From a Half-Marathon

2011-05-24T14:52:00.002-04:00

Running the Cap-City Half Marathon taught me a few things about myself. Sure, I probably knew most of these things before, but there’s something about the whole experience that brings these spiritual lessons to life.

The First Step Is the Hardest

If you would have told me a year ago that I was going to run 13 miles, I would have said you're nuts! Signing up, saying “yes” and taking that first step is over half the battle. Isn’t this true in just about any area of life? When I seek to grow or venture into new territory, I can always find excuses. Not now. Not here. I’m too tired. I’ll do it tomorrow. Or maybe next year.

Often, I find myself using these same excuses with God. Don’t you?

I Need a Goal

I need a goal to get me started – to help me take that first step. A goal gets me motivated and focused. As important, a goal gives me a deadline! I don’t know about you, but I work better under pressure – when I know the finish line is within reach. Otherwise, I tend to flounder and lose motivation.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve written down spiritual goals on an annual basis – I find when they’re specific (and time-driven) I’m less likely to get off track.

Short-cuts Don’t Work

There’s no magic formula. Training is hard work. Period. There’s no multi-vitamin or energy drink that’s going to get you ready. It’s practice, practice, and more practice. And you need to follow the training plan. (I found this out around mile 10 when I thought to myself, boy, I wish I wouldn’t have skipped those long runs!)

My spiritual life follows a similar pattern. I keep asking God, “Can’t you just make this road easier? Where is the short cut!” But he continues to show me that the journey is part of my training.

I Need a Purpose

It’s not just about me. I need a bigger purpose. And, while I know others who run to “lose weight” I just can’t get motivated solely by pounds and inches. I’m all for a healthy lifestyle (and, clearly, health and fitness played a huge role in my motivation), but running for orphans with team Doma gave me a purpose to cross the finish line.

My spiritual well runs dry when I become self-absorbed. But the more I give to others – the less it’s about me – the more I’m driven to continue.

No Pain No Gain

Talk about pain! I was sore – I mean really sore – for a couple of days. But I’d do it all over again. Next time, I’ll probably take my training a bit more seriously, but I’ll also know to expect the pain and discomfort. Nobody said it was going to be easy!

It’s often through pain and trials that we draw near to God. Just this year, I’ve watched friends (and many of you) suffer much loss – a broken marriage, a bout with cancer, an unexpected death of a loved one. It seems like this pain is part of our training. But, yes, it still hurts!

Has physical training (and pain!) taught you anything about spiritual growth? Can you relate to these lessons – purpose, practice and pain – in your own life?

Follow Your Instincts Moms!

2011-05-18T22:36:00.000-04:00

Nick smacked a double into left field, and I was on my feet screaming. "Slide, Nick, Slide!" He slid into second base, but didn't get up. In fact, he stayed in a ball lying next to the base.

Being the sensitive mom that I am (who loves to win baseball games) I continued to scream, "Get on the base, Nick, or he's going to tag you out! GET ON THE BASE!"

Nick didn't move, and the ump shouted, "He's out!"

What a bummer!

Was Nick really hurt? I couldn't tell as he limped off the field.

Enter Daddy Coach. (Former baseball superstar, and all-around tough guy.)

"He'll be fine. Nick, you just need to walk on it. Walk up and down the side of the field and shake it out."

Nick continued to limp. He'd have to sit out the rest of the game.

The next morning, Nick was still struggling. Daddy Coach continued to insist that he'd be "fine" -- "after all, if he's going to play sports, he's going to have to toughen up!"

So I sent Nick off to school. But I had this nagging feeling in my stomach. I wonder if it's more serious than we think. But then again, he can walk on it. I'm sure it's nothing that a little ice and motrin can't cure. Right?

Wrong.

If I've learned anything on this journey called motherhood, it's to follow your instincts.

After another day of swelling and a trip to the ER the next evening (I took him, of course!) we learned that Nick had fractured his ankle. According to the doctors, "The worst thing he can do is walk on it!"

So much for shaking it out.

No disrespect guys, but there's a reason God created mothers!

Is He Here Yet?

2011-05-15T21:42:00.000-04:00

It was Buddy’s first time in my Sunday School class. Maybe even his first time at church. I watched his big, blue 4-year-old eyes take it all in – the singing, the playing, the praying.

When it was almost time to leave, I pulled him aside and said, “I’m really glad you’re here.”

He continued to stare. Who is this crazy lady who likes to sing silly songs and play duck duck goose?

But no, it wasn’t a blank stare. His wheels were turning -- he was thinking. So I said to him, “You know, Jesus is really glad you’re here today.”

He quickly responded, “Yeah, I know. Is he here yet?”

I (barely) held back my laughter. Buddy wanted Jesus to show up. Pure and simple.

“Yes, he’s here right now. He’s everywhere. Not just in church.”

Buddy looked confused. Like many of us, he had gone through the “church” drill. But he wanted more. He wanted a real live encounter with God. He didn’t just want Jesus to show up, he expected him to show up.

Sure, Buddy may have a few things to learn about God. He may be an unchurched preschooler, but I love his simple faith. I love his anticipation. I love his question.

How many of us have the courage to ask, “Is he here yet?” Or have we already made up our minds? Not here. Not now. It’s not possible – or even if it’s possible, it won’t happen to me.

Like Buddy, maybe we just need to ask. Maybe it’s time we expect Jesus to just show up.

Why Marriage Is Good For Business

2011-05-10T23:07:00.000-04:00

There’s good news to celebrate about marriage. And the research backs me up!

No, I didn’t just emerge from underneath a rock. I know the divorce rate is still hovering around 50%. I know that marriage is about hard work, prayer, and personal inconvenience. In fact, I know lots of couples who have “split-up” this year – they’ve decided marriage is just too hard, too disappointing, and too confining.

But I’m here to tell you the good news – and I’d like to throw some positive data your way. Regardless of whether you (like me) believe that marriage is a spiritual and sacred union, marriage is good for business!

I first thought about marriage in these terms when I read a thoughtful series about lessons learned from elite leaders by Christine Schellar at The High Calling. As it turns out, marriage is actually a huge asset to most business leaders. To my surprise, some 82% of elite leaders are married. And their marriages are a marked component to their professional success.

Of course, this makes perfect sense. According to award-winning studies (and a recent book) by Dr. Michael Lindsay, marriage provides the structure and support that many of us need in our professional lives – a partner, a confidant, and someone who will “pick up the slack!”

And it’s not just professional men who benefit from marriage. A couple of decades ago, career women were less likely to marry. In the 1970’s, birthrates in the US declined, and Baby Boomers (and working women) generally had fewer children.

But the tide is turning.

Today, a college educated, 30-year-old woman is just as likely to get married as her less-educated counterpart. And women in top income brackets are just as likely to marry as other women who work full time. Women in Generation X (my generation!) generally place a higher value on family and less on work than our Boomer counterparts. And we’re having more children than our Boomer predecessors! (If you don’t believe me, check out the research in The Next Hundred Million: America in 2050 by Joel Kotkin.)

So what does this mean for you?

I can only tell you what it means for me. Doug and I were privileged to celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary this week. And, as a mother, lawyer, writer, and all-around over achiever with a ~~crazy~~ challenging schedule, I can honestly say I’d never even attempt to be “Superwoman” without my husband.
Most days, he’s the God-given glue that holds me together.

**************

Are you surprised (or encouraged) by the emerging, positive research about marriage?

Win A Copy of Mommy Whispers Here!

2011-05-04T09:05:00.003-04:00

Today on Working Mommy Wednesday, we're discussing favorite books. And while I've read some great adult books lately, my favorite reads these days are with my kids. After all, they'll grow up soon and won't want Mom to read to them (boo hoo!).

So here's my favorite new children's book: Mommy Whispers, by Jenny Lee Sulpizio.

Why do I love this book so much? Here's a glimpse inside the cover.

Mommy Whispers tells the story of a mother, watching her daughter mature and grow through each stage of life. From birth, to school, to adulthood, to marriage, and to motherhood. It's the cycle of life that we all cherish, knowing that each stage is a gift that will last only for a season.

But it's not just about the cycle of life. It's about the yearning every mother has to keep control, and her need to trust God every step of the journey.

Sounds pretty heavy, huh?

I wasn't sure if it would maintain my daughters' attentions (ages 5 and 7) since we often have different taste in books these days. (Let's just say I've about had it with the Disney Princesses.)

Boy was I wrong. My girls ate up every word. They loved the repetitive language (which help makes this book kid-centered) as well as the bright illustrations. Afterward, my 7-year-old said to me, "Mom, I want to grow up to be a mom someday, just like you!"

Warning. This one's a tear jerker.

Please leave me a comment before Mother's Day and I'll put you into the drawing for a free copy! It's the perfect gift for your mother, daughter, grandmother, sister, or friend.

What about mothers of sons? After all, we too have a story to tell!

Don't worry, Jenny has a book that's coming out for you this fall! Stick around, and we might just do another give away.

If you haven't met Jenny Lee Sulpizio, stop by and visit her blog here.

Are You An Ungrateful Whiner?

2011-05-01T23:00:00.000-04:00

Do you know anyone who never complaints, never rants, and never blames – no matter the circumstances?

Before you tell me such a person does not exist, I must correct you.

Meet my mother.

Mary Stella (D’ Ercole) Moore turned 77 years old this weekend. And I’ve never heard her utter a complaining word or rant in my entire life. I am not lying (she’s reading this, so I can’t lie!).

She’s never said:

“I don’t care if you don’t like it, just eat it!”

“Why do I have to do everything myself around here?”

“You kids don’t know how good you have it.”

“Don’t blame me, you make your bed, you lie in it!”

“I am sick and tired of cleaning up after you.”

I know what you’re thinking. How can we be related? After all, I can’t stop writing about my daily rants (I even wrote a book about them).

What’s her secret?

She keeps it simple. She’s content living day by day and leaves the rest to God.

So here’s my challenge. I’ve been thinking about my ungrateful spirit and sassy mouth lately (and I’ve also been riding my kids about annoying whining). Do you think I can go one week without uttering a complaint? Will you join me? In other words, can we be more like my mother?

*****************

Happy Birthday, Mom, and I’m so thankful you’re not a whiner!

Do everything without complaining or arguing. Phil 2:14

Why Moms Need Second Chances

2011-04-28T21:57:00.000-04:00

We were sitting at the dinner table when my husband asked me, “You read to Anna’s class today, right?”

I almost choked on my meatball. I had completely forgotten to show up and read to the second graders. And I had let Anna down.

Anna hadn’t mentioned it when I got home from work. She hadn’t even acted like anything was bothering her. She just looked up from her pasta and replied, “Well, my teacher wondered if you were coming. I told her I didn’t know.”

Frankly, I didn’t have a good excuse. I wasn’t out of town. I didn’t have a client emergency. It was even on my calendar. Worse yet, Doug had reminded me about it the day before. I can still hear him, “Don’t forget to show up Suz!”

I had simply forgot.

Before I could apologize, my 10-year-old, Nick, interrupted. “Mom, not to be critical, but you never volunteer in my class anymore. It seems like you’re always going to Anna’s class.”

“Nick, remember, I didn’t even show up to Anna’s class today! Look guys, I’m doing my best. You know how busy I am, and I’m really sorry.”

Anna didn’t yell at me. She didn’t whine or complain. She simply finished her dinner and said, “It’s ok Mom.”

Later that night, I was putting Anna to bed, waiting for her to finish her usual prayers for world poverty, injustice, and the forgiveness of sins for all people. Right after she prayed for Haiti and Japan, she slipped in a new line that caught me off guard.

“And dear God, please help my teacher to give Mom a second chance.”

I couldn’t say “Amen” fast enough.

Social Networking Or Notworking?

2011-04-26T09:55:00.000-04:00

Social media is a syringe that sucks time out of our daily work. In fact, some companies have banned social media from the workplace all together. And for good reason. Over half of all employees access their Facebook profiles at work, losing, on average, 15 minutes of productivity per day.

But wait. You might be surprised to hear that employees who use social media (also known as Tworkers) also tend to be the most productive. According to one university study, employees who surf the Internet at work, including social networks, are 9% more productive than their non-Internet surfing counterparts.

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you (like me) classify yourself as a Tworker. Twokers are thinkers. Tworkers are resourceful. Tworkers know how to get it done. And everyone knows that Tworkers make better employees, right?

[To continue reading at The High Calling, click here.]

Would I Recognize Jesus?

2011-04-21T11:33:00.003-04:00

Was Jesus just a good moral teacher, or is he really the Son of God? Over 2000 years after his death, there is still debate about the true identity of Jesus.

Even in his own time, there was little consensus.

Surely, his own family recognized his true divinity, right?

Not exactly. Jesus’ family even questioned his sanity.

When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.” – Mark 3: 21

But surely, the religious leaders recognized his spiritual authority, right?

Hardly. Rather than concluding he was crazy, they declared he was downright evil.

And the teachers of the law who came down from Jerusalem said, “He is possessed by Beelzebub! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.” – Mark 3:22

No, it wasn’t the religious elite that recognized Jesus as the Son of God. Instead, it was the unexpected – the uneducated, the fisherman, and even the prostitutes. An unlikely group of followers.

I like to think of myself as educated. Even enlightened! Yet I wonder if I would have recognized Jesus 2000 years ago. If Jesus had asked me– as he asked Peter – who do you say that I am? What would I say?

Many days, Jesus is right in my midst, but I still don't recognize him. There are too many distractions blinding me. Work. Home. Errands. Relationships. Duties. In the midst of it all, I even worry that I've lost my spiritual sight.

But today, on Maundy Thursday, I'm going to try hard to see him. I'm going to look. I'm going to listen. I'm going to think about the bread and the wine and ask God to open my eyes.

I want my heart to burn.

******************

When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us....?" Luke 24: 30-32

Is It the Real Jesus or Fake Jesus?

2011-04-19T19:32:00.000-04:00

Jesus enters Jerusalem with a bang. After riding in on a donkey, did he keep a low profile and fly under the radar? Not exactly.

Based on the gospel accounts, by Tuesday, Jesus was causing a scene in the heart of Jerusalem – in none other than the temple courts.

In fact, Jesus got angry, knocked over a few tables, and even disturbed the peace.

And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves. – Matthew 21:12-13

Ouch! So much for not making waves. Why was Jesus so angry? Some would say that he was fed up with the religious system – a system that had become broken and corrupt. A system that was charging the poor for “acceptable” temple sacrifices. A system where the religious leaders made the rules and lined their own pockets. A system where outward appearances had become more important than inward character.

Sometimes I ask myself if our religious systems portray the real Jesus.

I'll never forget the first time I watched our church’s passion play with my then 3-year-old daughter, Abby. She was completely taken with Jesus. And she kept asking, Is that the real Jesus or the fake Jesus?

It’s a good question. I think Jesus asked the same question when he looked at the religious people of his day. Were they real or fake? Did they act religious on the outside, but on the inside, were they filled with selfishness and greed?

When we look at our own Christian institutions today, do we find piety for the sake of piety -- a set of outward “rules” and an obsession with appearances (while the inside of the cup is full of hypocrisy and greed)?

Or, do we see something that looks more like Jesus – humility, grace, and generosity to those in need?

In Abby’s words, do we look like the real Jesus or the fake Jesus?

Let's Get Ready For Holy Week!

2011-04-18T11:23:00.003-04:00

The rest of this week, I plan to blog about Jesus. For those of you who read the blog and don’t share my faith, I’ll likely get back to more light-hearted rants next week. But this week – the final week of Jesus’ life on earth -- I just can’t help myself.

This week, it’s all about Jesus.

I’m part of a church that really knows how to celebrate Easter. We fast during Lent, put on passion plays, light candles, and roll out the red carpet on Easter Sunday. My kids are so excited they can hardly contain themselves. Sure, they love the candy and Easter eggs, but they know that Easter is about something much more important -- an eternal sacrifice and a risen Lord. (Besides, my girls are pretty freaked out by the Easter Bunny – just like Tooth Ferry Terror.)

For me, it’s not really about the ritual of Easter. It never has been. It’s a celebration of a person. It’s about mourning the loss of your best friend, only to find out that he’s not only alive – he’s right here in your midst.

And he laid his life down for you so you can be by his side for all eternity.

This week is the most important week in Christian history. Yesterday, we celebrated Palm Sunday. Jesus leaves Bethany (where he has just raised Lazarus from the dead), stops in a little village to pick up a donkey that had never been riden before, and enters Jerusalem. This is the only time Jesus rides on an animal during his public ministry. Up until now, he walked everywhere (pretty interesting, huh?).

He must be up to something.

The road from Bethany to Jerusalem is only about two miles, yet this final week of Jesus’ life takes up more space than all the other events of the four New Testament gospels (combined). The plot thickens, Jesus enters Jerusalem to face his accusers, and ultimately faces death.

Will you join me on the journey?

What’s Worse In Restaurants – Small Children or Mean Women?

2011-04-13T21:22:00.000-04:00

Let’s face it, loud obnoxious children can ruin a meal. Your meal. Which is why we try to take our kids to “family friendly” restaurants.

On a recent family vacation, my husband and I walked into a poolside grill (highly rated by Trip Advisor) and noticed a sign that read:

“Unattended children will be given free espresso and a puppy.”

Bingo. Just our kind of place. Good food and kid friendly. We crowded around a small table with our three kids and ordered drinks.

Then I saw her.

Evil Eye Woman who obviously can’t stand children.

I’m used to a few stares, some eye rolling, even a glare or two. But this was different. If looks could kill, we’d all be dead.

I quickly concluded several things about Evil Eye Woman. First, it wasn’t just my kids she didn’t like. She didn’t like kids period. She didn’t like people period. She’s just one of those people who is just plain miserable.

I know, I shouldn’t judge Evil Eye Woman. But she was really starting to get under my skin. When my 7-year-old daughter, Anna, scooted her chair and almost bumped into her, Evil Eye Woman even snarled. At my lovely daughter!

How could I avoid an encounter? I thought through the possibilities of what I might say.

“What’s your problem lady, this is a kid-friendly restaurant, if you don’t like it, leave!”
“I noticed that you seem pretty miserable, did you know that God loves you and offers a wonderful plan for your life?”
“Excuse me, you seem pretty uncomfortable sitting by my children, would you mind if I asked the waitress to put you at a new table?”

None of these options seemed quite right. Then, it dawned on me. She didn’t have to ruin my meal. I could have the last word.

I turned to my husband and said, “Here’s the good news about dinner. This woman has inspired me to write a blog!”

He just rolled his eyes.

Joy (Even On A Monday)

2011-04-11T21:12:00.000-04:00

I was driving home from work, sitting in annoying traffic, when I couldn’t help but notice the guy in front of me.

He was jamming.

So I looked closer. Who was this mad man behind me with the shaking car? He looked middle aged (even balding from behind). He was wearing a suit and glasses. And he was singing at the top of his lungs, dancing in seated position.

Mind you, this was a Monday, not a Friday. The sun wasn’t shining. The stock market wasn’t soaring. Traffic wasn’t moving.

But he was joyful about something. I thought about the possible options:

1) He had a really good day at work;
2) He had a really bad day at work and he was trying to forget about it;
3) He just quit his job;
4) He’s losing his mind;
5) He’s a joyful person.

I wanted to get out of my car and ask him, but the traffic started moving again. So I’ll never know.

I turned up the radio and started to sing.

********
Be joyful always; pray continuously; in everything give thanks. Even on a Monday.

Why I Don’t Do Social Media Guilt

2011-04-06T06:00:00.003-04:00

If you’ve hung around this blog at all, you know that I’m a big fan of grace, not guilt.

Which is why I’ve decided to say NO to social media guilt.

There are already too many things in this life to feel guilty about.

When it comes to blogging, I never have time to read all the posts I want to read. And I never have time to comment on all the posts I do read. I constantly neglect my Facebook friends. And I forget to thank my fellow Tweeters for mentions and re-Tweets.

But I don’t lie awake at night worrying about it.

Now I might lie awake worrying about other things -- like the bad mommy complex, how my kids are doing in school, a deadline at work, or forgetting to send cards to people who are sick – but social media worries are near the bottom of the list (right behind forgetting to discard the expired milk in the frig).

Who needs another guilt trip?

Not me.

Do you need to let go of some blogging (or other) guilt?

Guilt drains.

Grace fills.

When Boys Pray

2011-04-03T22:18:00.025-04:00

Nick’s 10th birthday party was in full swing when when a minor crisis ensued. In the midst of an intense dart gun game that spanned half the neighborhood, Nick’s friend Dillon lost his glasses. I could see the panic on his face.

“These glasses cost $300! My mom is going to kill me. They fell right out of my pocket.”

The game stopped. The party stopped. And we looked everywhere.

Doug and I helped the boys comb the nearby yards inch by inch. We looked in the street. In the bushes. Even in Dillon’s pocket. But the glasses were no where to be found.

I could feel God nudging me. [Note to readers: I did not hear God speak out loud. There have been only a handful of times in my life when I think he is speaking to my heart. This was one of them. I am not crazy.]

God: Susan, gather these boys together and pray out loud. Let them experience the power of prayer. Give faith a chance.

Susan: [Intentionally ignores God.]

God: Susan, I’m talking to you.

Susan: I hear you. But what if we don’t find them. Besides, I don’t even know some of these boys. I’m going to embarrass Nick and his friends are going to think his mom is a whack job.

[God is silent, and Susan’s heart continues to burn.]

Susan: Ok God, you win. But don’t blame me if we don’t find these glasses.

Before I could change my mind I blurted out, “Ok boys, gather around. We’re going to find these glasses. For those of you who are comfortable, I want you to agree with me in prayer. Watch and see what God can do.”

[Susan: Ok God, there’s no turning back now. And why did you let me add that last line in? I sound like a religious fanatic!]

A couple of boys bowed their heads. A few snickered. One of them said under his breath, “I can’t believe we are doing this.”

I continued rather loudly. After all, since I had pulled the trigger, I might as well go for the gusto. “God, we don’t know where these glasses are. We’ve looked and we can’t find them. You know where they are God. Open our eyes. Show us. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.”

Less than 30 seconds passed when Nick’s cousin Peter shouted out, “I found them. The glasses are right here!”

I watched Dillon smile. Another boy exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

I bet God smiled even bigger.

What Is A Son?

2011-03-30T06:00:00.001-04:00

[Nick, my firstborn, turns 10 today. My heart is full and my hands are lifted. I’m so grateful to be his mother.]

A Son is Joy. He keeps my glass full. He brings a smile to my face. His spark quickly changes my mood, showing me the goodness in the moment and the divine on the ordinary.

A Son is Laughter. He has that charming yet ridiculous boyish sense of humor. He wears mirrored glasses and a shower cap in the airport. Just for fun. He tells silly jokes I will never fully understand. But I still laugh. Hard.

A Son is Pain. I hurt when he hurts. I watch him learn lessons and I want to intervene. But I don’t. I hold back, knowing that God is in control. Not me. I watch him grow and mature and my heart aches, knowing that I must let go. Again and again.

A Son is a Mirror. When I look at him, I see my strengths. And my weaknesses. I see the possibilities – the hopes and the dreams. He brings out the best in me, and sometimes the worst. I can’t help but stare. I don’t look away.

A Son is a Companion. He’s my back-seat driver, my biggest critic, and my biggest fan. He invites me to build a sand castle. I can't say no, even though I hate getting my hands dirty. He’s my night owl who stays up with me late and asks me tough questions about life and faith. He pours out his heart. I am his confidant, and I reciprocate his trust.

A Son is a Gift. He has been entrusted to me for a time. I want to give him my best, and I don’t want to screw up this privilege called motherhood. He is a gift from God. He is pure grace, and through my son I experience the deepest love of the Father.

For the last 10 years, I have humbly held my son. But he is getting too big to hold. So instead I walk beside him and trust that the Father will hold us both.

Happy Birthday, my son.

The Ride Home From Vacation

2011-03-28T20:48:00.001-04:00

The ride home from vacation is always a drag. In fact, it’s not just the ride home. It’s that pit in my stomach that starts as the week comes to a close. I think about reentering reality and it paralyzes my thoughts, robbing me of the enjoyment of the moment.

It will be over soon. Why does it have to go so fast?

I sat on the airplane, worrying about the week ahead.

How am I going to get through all my emails before Monday morning?

I need to get on top of the kids’ homework this week.

Don’t forget about the kids’ make-up tennis lessons.

There is nothing in the refrigerator.

Did I miss the deadline to register for camp this summer?

How am I going to find the time to train for this half marathon? Should I drop out?

My mind continued to wander.

Then, unexpectedly, after some initial conversation, the guy sitting next to me handed me a copy of God Calling, a devotional I’ve intended to read for quite some time.

“Take it,” he said.

So I began to read. Right there. Right then.

March 26

“What of a man walking through a glorious glade who fretted because ahead there lay a river and he might not be able to cross it, when all the time, that river was spanned by a bridge.”

Ah, yes, the bridge. I’m so worried about the river that sometimes I don’t see the bridge. Or the boat. Or the life jacket.

There’s nothing worse than fretting over what we don’t know, can’t see, and can’t control. Predictions and possibilities are not reality. Reality is right here. Right now. In this very moment God has given me.
Would I reenter my daily routine with grace and peace or with stress and worry?

*************

I’m linking up (a bit late) today with Hear It On Sunday, Use It On Monday and Playdates With God. It's good to be back.

Grace and peace to you, my friends.

This Blogger Is On Vacation!

2011-03-18T19:31:00.000-04:00

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. ~Robert Orben

See you on March 28~!

Does Your Life (or Blog) Need a Facelift?

2011-03-17T08:37:00.001-04:00

Spring is just around the corner. Which is why I decided I need a face lift.

It’s not what you’re thinking. (Ok, maybe I am a bit vain, but I’m not getting plastic surgery any time soon.)

I’m talking about a face lift for my blog!

Why does a face lift make me “feel” better? After all, it’s the same blog. The same content. The same message.

But it still feels new.

It’s like trying a new recipe. Putting on a new dress. Drinking a fresh cup of coffee.

Remember what it felt like to get a new pair of shoes as a kid? You could run faster and jump higher. And my own children are no different. Sure, they may be materialistic (like the rest of America) but I also believe something else is going on inside of them. Something deeper.

I am convinced there is a God-given desire inside of all of us that wants to be made new.

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” (Rev 21:5)

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. (Ezekiel 36:26 NLT)

Can you feel it?

It’s that tug inside our hearts that tells us there is something more. Something beautiful. Even something new.

Maybe it’s time for a face lift.

Are You Living For A List (Or Love!)?

2011-03-13T22:55:00.001-04:00

Which commandment is most important? That’s what the religious leaders asked Jesus over 2000 years ago.

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” (Mark 12:28)

This Sunday, Pastor Eric led us through Jesus’ answer to this question.

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12-29-31)

Love God and love your neighbor. It sounds so simple. So why is it so difficult?

*********

Two thousand years later. I’m still asking the same question. Except it sounds a bit different in my modern day, complicated world.

I can’t do it all God, so you’re just going to have to help me prioritize. What’s most important?

Being faithful to my spouse and children?
Being honest in my daily work?
Serving the poor and disadvantaged?
Giving my money (or my time)?
Taking time to rest and worship?

I get exhausted just thinking about keeping all the “commandments,” knowing that most days I fall far short. Which is why I need to remind myself -- it’s not about a list. It’s not about a hierarchy of do’s and don’ts.

It’s about love.

A love that gets me out of bed in the morning. A love that fills my empty heart during quiet moments. A love that gives me peace as I lay my head to rest, not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

I’d rather live for love than a list. Lists weight us down. Love fills us up.

How about you?

Winners For The Christian Mama's Guide!

2011-03-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

Guess who won a copy of The Christian Mama's Guide To Having A Baby?

(Drum roll please)

The winners are.........

Laura Boggess and Amy Sullivan.

Congratulations ladies! I'll be in touch to get your mailing addresses. Have a good weekend!

Do Online Parents Ignore Their Chilldren?

2011-03-10T08:06:00.000-05:00

I was sitting next to a mom in a waiting room recently, watching her ignore her 2-year-old child.

Like me, she was waiting for her older children to finish up their lessons. Like me, she had brought her Ipad. And like me, she probably hates to waste time sitting around and doing “nothing.”

The two-year-old asked her for some water. She replied (without looking up), “Wait until after the lessons.” Her daughter continued to ask, and the mother continued to ignore, fixated on the screen in front of her.

Next, the daughter asked to go to the bathroom. After rolling her eyes and huffing and puffing, the mother finally put down her Ipad and escorted her daughter to the bathroom.

She was back in two minutes. Online again.

When her older son (who looked about 5 years old) was finished with his lesson, the mother barely looked up. He started to help himself to a tray of donuts on the table next to us, when she snapped.

“Don’t touch those. Sometimes, I can’t believe you! I’m tired of you not listening!”

She announced they were leaving, dragging him out by the hood of his coat. The 2-year-old followed behind.

I started to feel badly for these children. I even started to judge their mother. Some parents are so obsessed with themselves. How can a mother ignore her own children and act like they are a complete bother?

Then I looked down at my Ipad.

How many times have I said to my kids, “Not, now, wait until I finish this email?” Or how many times have I nodded my head and pretended to listen when my eyes (and my attention) are focused on a screen in front of me?

Yesterday, I read a thoughtful post from Michelle DeRusha who is giving up multi-tasking for Lent! No, I’m no ready to go there yet. But it did make me wonder.

Does anyone really get my undivided attention these days?

The Christian Mama’s Guide To Having A Baby: Book Review and Give-Away!

2011-03-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

Today, on Hear It On Sunday, Use It On Monday I’ve decided to give away (and review) a newly released book. The Christian Mama’s Guide To Having A Baby, by Erin MacPherson.

What book would you give an expectant mother? Many of us have found books like What to Expect When You’re Expecting useful, but have you ever looked for other alternatives -- like a practical, witty guide for expectant mothers, from a Christian perspective?

The Christian Mama’s Guide may be exactly what you’re looking for.

What’s so special about this book?

Well, to start, MacPherson's writing is tender, blunt, and hilarious. She obviously reads the minds of expectant mothers! The Christian Mama's Guide is full of practical advice, humor, and spiritual insight. MacPherson squarely tackles the questions that everyone is afraid to ask --especially Christians -- ranging from sex, intimacy, exercise, and alcohol.

The Christian Mama's Guide is decisive yet not dogmatic. MacPherson provides a much-needed voice for today's expectant mother who longs to follow God in a fast-paced and complex world -- a mother who is savvy, excited, and often scared to death! She comforts expectant mothers with the voice of a "big sister" that has gone before them.

I wish this book existed 10 years ago when I was expecting my first born. While there is no lack of information for expectant mothers, there is clearly a lack of spiritual mentoring -- MacPherson takes an important step to bridge the mentoring gap for new mothers.

So, don’t you want a copy of this book -- for a friend, a co-worker, or even for yourself?
Just post a comment before Friday at 5:00 EST. I’ll be drawing two winners for a give-away!

Should Kids Engage In Social Media?

2011-03-02T07:32:00.000-05:00

There’s much discussion over Michelle Obama’s decision not to let her daughters on Facebook.

And she’s not the only parent wrestling with this decision. Well before our children will encounter other milestones – like driving, dating, and staying out late with friends -- we have to make some serious decisions about their use of technology and the internet.

I for one believe these are difficult decisions. Writers like Amy Sullivan remind us our teens are spending almost 8 hours a day online! But social media isn’t all bad for our youth. For example, social media has actually engaged Generation Y in politics (a good thing, in my opinion).

But my kids are still too young to take the plunge.

My son, Nick, is almost 10, and he’s already bugging me for an email account. I’m just not ready to go there. (And, no, he doesn’t have his own cell phone yet.) Yet other parents tell me that mobile phones help them communicate with their kids and even track them with GPS!

Right now, I just tell Nick that we’ll revisit the issue when he’s a bit older. I also give him access to my personal email account to communicate with out-of-town family members and friends. And he’s known to read my blog and hang over my shoulder when I’m Tweeting. By some parents’ standards, I’m already giving him too much access to the complicated world of social media.

So what’s a parent to do? I’ve found that most parents fall into some combination of the following three categories.

1) Don’t ask don’t tell.

Some parents simply don’t want to know.

Kids will be kids. There’s nothing I can do to, so why bother to get involved.

Others would rather engage in denial.

My kids will never abuse technology. They know better than that!

These parents shudder to find out – after the fact – that their daughter has been posting inappropriate photos on MySpace or their minor son has an online (older) girlfriend.

2) Social media is the Devil.

Other parents simply ban social media all together. They cut off access at home. They spend money on blocking devices. They caution their kids about the dangers of the online world. Even though the minimum age for Facebook is 13 years old, they insist that their children are 18 (or older) before maintaining any type of internet profile.

While these parents appear extreme, the rest of us can understand their fears, particularly with the threat of child pornography and unhealthy online relationships.

3) Get involved and stay involved.

Still other parents – like me – plan to strike a balance. We’re not exactly pushing our kids to join start Tweeting at age 13 (I’m not sure any 13-year-old has the judgment for Twitter -- some days I’m not even sure I do!) but we’re going to expose our kids to the online world on our terms, which means we have to get involved.

The parents I know who successfully strike this balance tend to share passwords (and friends) with their kids, implement privacy settings, and visit their children’s social media sites at least once a day.

There are no easy answers. And, as a parent, I know I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and try to do what’s best for my family. (And, if I were in Michelle Obama’s shoes, I don’t think I’d let my daughters on Facebook either!)

What’s your social media strategy for your children?

Are You Grumpy Today?

2011-02-27T21:23:00.001-05:00

I was sitting in church when the pastor started out with a question:

“Are you grumpy today?”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It had been one of those mornings.

I got up early to make waffles and by 9:00 a.m. the kitchen looked like a tornado had swept through it. Abby got syrup all over her new dress. Nick forgot to roll up his sleeves. And Anna had sticky mouth. I finally cleaned up the kitchen – and the kids -- and kicked on the dishwasher. But it wouldn’t start.

This is the third time we’ve had to get this stupid dishwasher fixed this year. We should have bought the extended warranty.

The dishwasher would have to wait. I loaded the kids in the car – we were already running late – and I turned the ignition. Dead battery. After a quick jump, we’d be lucky to get to church before the sermon started.

Yes, I was grumpy all right. I had my grumpy pants on, and I wasn’t about to take them off. Not even for church.

Yet in the midst of my pity party, I could hear God calling. Very softly. But very directly.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (I Thes 5: 16-18 NLT)

I think he might be talking to me!

*******

Is it Friday yet? Is anyone else grumpy?

The Devil Is In the Details!

2011-02-23T10:47:00.000-05:00

I’m not a stickler for details. I’m your big-picture girl. It’s all about the ideas. (And I’ve got some pretty big ideas.) Someone else can be in charge of the minutia.

Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re talking about an inborn personality trait. Let’s face it, there are some characteristics we are just born with.

A long time ago, I learned that there are two kinds of people. Lumpers and Splitters.

In psychological terms, Lumpers see similarities instead of differences – we “lump” our thoughts together. Lumpers focus on the overall goal and roll over the details. We assign categories in our brains broadly.

Not so for Splitters. Splitters see differences. And they assign new categories in their brains based on these differences, which means they tend to spot important issues but sometimes go off on tangents. And we need both kinds of people to make our workplaces (and our homes) thrive.

I’m a Lumper, which is good news and bad news.

I always like to give the good news first:

I don’t stress over the details.
I can usually see the big picture.
I don’t mind delegating the little stuff.
I focus on getting it done, it doesn’t have to be perfect!

Here’s the bad news.

Sometimes, I move too fast.
I get impatient with splitters.
Missing details can result in mistakes.
Even though I don’t mind delegating, my “ideas” are usually pretty darn specific (and I expect others to read my mind since I don’t labor over details).

A former boss once scolded me, “Susan, the Devil is in the details!”

I felt like shouting back to her, “No, the Devil is the details!”

Besides, that’s what Splitters are for. (Have I mentioned that I am married to a Splitter?)

Do Small Children Bug You In Church?

2011-02-21T07:38:00.000-05:00

It’s really hard to focus during the sermon when my four-year-old Abby is hanging on me, dropping crayons, or complaining that she wants a drink of water. How are parents of young children supposed to engage in worship? And what about the people sitting next to us?

Today, I’m linking up with Michelle DeRusha at Graceful for “Hear It On Sunday, Use it On Monday.”
I was going to link up last Monday for the kick-off, but I got a little distracted during the sermon, and I couldn’t pull my thoughts together for a blog post. It was one of those weeks where ~~Mom~~ Abby was particularly impatient. She kept getting out of her seat to go to the bathroom (she claimed she had a stomach ache) and when the pastor said “Amen” and the church was stone quiet, she blurted out rather loudly, “Is it over yet?”

Why do we drag her to church? Why make a 4-year-old sit through a boring worship service when her older siblings are in Sunday School?

To start, I for one believe that small children benefit from worship. Abby knew the Lord’s Prayer before her ABC’s, and she bellows her words loudly and claps her hands and sways her hips to the music. I’ve been in some churches where this wouldn’t be acceptable, but our church in infested with children. Lots of them. (Heck, my Pastor Eric has 5 little ones of his own!) Besides, we usually sit toward the back.

So why isn’t she in the 4-year-old Sunday School class that meets during worship? The answer is simple. Yours truly is her Sunday School teacher at the next service, so after worship we’re off to Sunday School. Together.

What did I learn from the sermon this week? Lots. So much that I’ll have to save it for another post. Instead of worrying about Abby, I adjusted my attitude and expectations. I decided that for this season of my life, I’m going to enjoy the warmth of a sweaty 4-year-old on my lap who has to go to the bathroom. And when she prays the Lord’s Prayer at the top of her lungs, I’m going to savor every word. The next time she gets antsy, I might even let her out early to get a drink.

Now, I’m headed over to Graceful. For those of you who haven’t met Michelle DeRusha, she’s a rocking (not shopping) mom who works at NPR, has her own newspaper column, and blogs like an angel. And she’s not buying herself clothes for a year! Sounds like someone I can learn from! (She’s also newly represented by the extraordinary Rachelle Gardner, and I really can’t wait to read Michelle’s memoir once it’s in print.)

Does Exercise Make You A Better Mom?

2011-02-15T21:51:00.000-05:00

I wanted to get up early and exercise, but I hit the snooze button instead. I had already stayed up too late the night before pounding on my laptop – it was time to bask in a few moments of extra sleep. After all, with all the demands of work, home, and everything in between, who has time to exercise?

I just can’t add one more thing to my schedule. It will have to wait until next month or even next year.

But wait a minute. Before I throw in the towel and give up, I need to be intentional about this. Maybe a regular exercise routine will improve both my spiritual and physical state. Maybe it will even make me a better mom. After all, research tells us that exercise reduces stress. In fact, it even puts you in a better mood. And truth be told, I was a little grouchy this morning. I even snapped at Anna for putting her shoes on too slowly and I yelled at Nick for leaving his lunch box at school.

I’m the perfect candidate for exercise. But I’m also too busy. So, what’s the solution?

For starters, I really hate cookie-cutter answers. Which is why I never buy books that claim things like “10 secrets to making exercise a priority” or “how to manage your health and your job.” So if you are looking for a 5-step program with some profound answers, please stop reading. You just might be disappointed in what I have to say. (Besides, others have written some useful tips on this subject such as Working Moms and Working Out.)

My advice?

You have to find a solution that works for you.

For me, it means having a plan – and having accountability. Which is why I signed up to run my first half-marathon this Spring with my niece. (Hey, I might not finish, but having a tangible goal is going to get me out of the covers and onto the pavement!) You’ll probably find a different solution.

I’m convinced that exercise will make us better moms, dads, spouses, friends, professionals, and even writers. The easy part is talking about it. The hard part is doing it!

Do You Follow Doctor’s Orders?

2011-02-09T14:31:00.000-05:00

Who knows what’s best for my health? Me (who has no medical training whatsoever) or, a licensed medical professional?

Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re talking about something we’re bad at. You guessed it, I’m bad at following doctor’s orders. Let’s just say I’m a bit stubborn.

For starters, I hate going to the doctor. I hate the sight of blood, and most medication makes me vomit. One of the reasons I respect those who choose the medical profession? I could never do it.

And I do mean never.

For the record, hospitals creep me out. They’re too sterile. Too lifeless. Too depressing. Which is why I tried to break out early when I had my third-born, Abby. (The nurse was ready to call security.) Which is why I never finish my prescription medicine. (Who needs drugs when you’re feeling better?) Which is why I tend to self-diagnose every aliment on the internet. (Who needs the hassle of an office visit when you have WebMD?)

I also can’t stand waiting rooms. The doctors are always running late, and someone always tries to make me turn off my cell phone. Or, worse – I’m forced to stop tweeting because some nurse thinks the internet connection will interfere with the x-ray machine.

But, wait. Before you think I’m a terrible mother, you should know one thing. When it comes to my children, I usually break my own rules. I rush my kids to the doctor’s office for every sniffle, we finish all the medicine, and I even turn off my cell phone in the waiting room. (Ok, not always, but I definitely turn it off if there’s an x-ray machine in plain view.)

I’m even known to follow doctor’s orders. Unless of course my motherly instincts are telling me to instead follow my gut.

Didn’t God give us instincts for a reason?

The Work Of A Lawyer

2011-02-01T11:04:00.000-05:00

I’ll never forget how hard it was to wait. Those last two days and two nights seemed like an eternity.
What could be taking the jury so long? Hadn’t we put on a solid defense? Was it really that close? And what kind of system puts an important dispute in the hands of eight complete strangers?

I was starting to second-guess myself.

[Join me at The High Calling to continue]

Why I'm Hooked On Grace

2011-01-27T22:30:00.001-05:00

If you’re reading this, I am assuming a couple of things about you. You’re one of those people who is pushing yourself toward something. Career. Family. Spiritual Growth. Relationships.

And, if you’re like me, you don’t want to settle. You don’t want to wake up in 20 years and say, “Geez, that was a big waste of time!”

We only get one shot at this life, don’t we?

This intense pressure – to take the best shot at life that we can – may drive us to action. It just might drive us to step out of our comfort zones, to change, and to grow.

But it can also paralyze us.

After all, who wants to fail? Isn’t it just easier to settle? And if you don’t try, maybe you can protect yourself from disappointment.

I was recently reading a thoughtful post by David Rupert titled “Why Do We Stay in Bad Jobs?” It got me thinking. Isn’t it fear – and specifically the fear of failure – that holds us back from achieving our true potential?

This is where grace comes in. You see, I think God already has this whole “fear of failure” thing under control. Grace means that I don’t have to perform. I don’t have to have a road map. And I don’t even have to get it right the first time.

Someone else got it right for me. I just have to accept a gift.

I know, this sounds too simplistic. Some would even argue that grace destroys motivation. Why try to be the best if you don’t have to?

I don’t know about you, but when someone gives me a gift – especially a gift I don’t deserve – I want to give back. I want to show that I’m grateful. I too want to experience the grace of giving. And when I experience unconditional love – love that isn’t dependant on what I’ve done for you or what you expect from me -- I want to love back.

Besides, if my identity is secure, I don’t have to worry about proving myself. I am free to be me – a child of God. Sure, on the outside, I might look like a mother, a lawyer, a writer. But all of that could be gone tomorrow. I’ll be a child of God forever.

Which means I don’t have to worry about whether my writing is good, great or lousy. Heck, I don’t even need to worry about who is reading this blog (if anyone!) or who is going to post my next Amazon review. Even typos aren’t the end of the world (ok, they are still really annoying).

Grace has set me free. And it’s a great feeling.

How about you?

*****

[I’ll be traveling internationally next week and won’t be blogging. I sure will miss you, but I’m going to give myself some grace, ok?]

Is Good Writing Good Enough?

2011-01-24T07:00:00.000-05:00

If you’re passionate about life, good probably isn’t good enough.

You don’t just want to be known as a good parent, a good employee, a good friend. You want to be great! Maybe even excellent.

Something inside of us wants to be better than good.

The problem?

Some days, we’re not so great. In fact, we’ve not even good. We barely get by on average and we hope no one will notice when we really screw up.

I was thinking about this dilemma the other day – not being good enough – in the context of writing.

Some of us want to be great writers. But great writing takes time. It takes talent. It takes discipline and determination.

The truth is, we can’t be great at everything. And while I’m far from a perfectionist, some days I just don’t want to settle for good. Which means I have to make some choices.

Enter the dreaded zero sum game. Time is finite. Which means the more I strive to excel in one area, the more I neglect another.

Do you ever find that good just isn’t good enough?

Is Life A Juggling Act Or a Blender?

2011-01-17T07:00:00.001-05:00

I used to think my life was like a juggling act. Truth be told, it’s more like a blender.

Don’t get me wrong, juggling a full-time job, three kids, a spouse, and extended family and friends (not to mention writing and hobbies) involves lots of balls. But sometimes, I run out of hands. I’m even known to drop a few balls in mid air.

Which is where the blender comes in. Forget juggling. I just throw it all into the same bowl and turn on the switch. There are three speeds -- low, medium, and high. I usually run on medium, and I save high for when I really need it – like when I’m up all night with a sick kid and need to be in court the next morning. But even in moments of complete and utter chaos, I've learned to make a pretty good shake. I’ve even gotten used to the fact that there are no hard and fast lines between my worlds. That’s right, I’m at my best when I abandon the juggling act and just turn on the blender. And I’m not alone. Integrating life and work is an emerging trend.

In a world of technology, social media, and careers that demand nothing less than a chunk of our flesh, it’s no longer realistic to compartmentalize. The days of “work time” and “personal time” are over. Every time I try to draw a line in the sand, it backfires. The phone rings when I’m trying to fix dinner and it’s a client emergency. How can I ignore the call? I’m sitting in an important meeting and my secretary interrupts with a message -- my son is sick at school and needs me. Of course, I run out to get him.

Some would accuse me of lacking balance.

My response? Balance is out. Blenders are in. Why fight it? I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. For many of us, it’s just the way it is. I’m tired of changing my cape every time I switch from home to work and work to home. I’m a passionate mother and a passionate lawyer. Can’t I be both at the same time? Or do I need to take great pains to compartmentalize my life so that no one can ever discover the real me?

Should You Talk About Your Kids At Work?

2011-01-12T23:44:00.000-05:00

Today, on Working Mommy Wednesday, we’re answering a tough question: should working moms (and dads) talk about their kids at work?

Here’s my short answer: know your audience.

Even though you think little “Junior” is the greatest thing since sliced bread, not everyone cares. Some working adults don’t have kids. Some don’t like kids. Others are just over them (been there, done that!). Still others haven’t reached that stage in life – and it scares them just thinking about it.

I was sitting down at dinner with a new client the other evening, and he started moaning about all the screaming kids on his flight. I quickly looked at his hand – no wedding ring. (Of course, this doesn’t mean he doesn’t have children of his own, but I tend to watch for the signs.)

Note to self: I probably shouldn’t lead the conversation with stories about my darling children.

On the other hand, some of us – especially women – make the mistake of thinking that any reference to our personal lives isn’t “professional.” So we hide the pictures of our children and act like we’re not mothers – just because we don’t want others to think we have “Mommy Mush Brain.” This too can be a mistake. As a lawyer and a mother, some of my closest bonds with both my colleagues and clients have centered around my children.

But I still walk that tight rope.

How To Be Rude During A Meeting

2011-01-10T10:58:00.000-05:00

It used to be that the rudest guy (or gal) in a meeting was the guy who never shuts up. You know who I’m talking about. The guy who constantly talks. And talks. I’ll call him “Talking Tom.”

He’s only interested in himself. Talking Tom isn’t interested in anybody else’s ideas.

The eyes usually start rolling during one of his monologues. Somebody really should tell Talking Tom to shut up. But nobody does. So he keeps talking.

It makes for a long meeting.

Talking Tom, however, has a new rival. Her name? “Texting Terry.”

I think you know her. She’s always texting and emailing on her mobile device. She even takes it to the bathroom. And during a meeting, she just can’t stop. Reading messages. Sending messages. Forwarding messages.

Like Talking Tom, Texting Terry only appears interested in herself. She’s too busy texting to listen to others. Sure, when it’s her turn to speak, she’ll put her device down and become engaged. But it won’t last. As soon as her part is “over” she’ll zone out again.

It makes for a frustrating meeting.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the rudest of them all – Talking Tom or Texting Terry?

You decide!

Need To Slow Down?

2011-01-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

The speed of life is fast. Incredibly fast. Maybe too fast.

And one of the reasons I like spending time with my elderly father is because he reminds me to slow down.

What does slowing down look like? I’m really not sure. I think it might involve taking a micro-sabbatical. I also think it might involve drinking more tea with my new hand-made teapot, compliments of hubby. (I didn’t ask for the teapot, so I think it’s his way of telling me I’m drinking too much coffee.)

There’s one thing I do know. When I’m in a hurry, I tend to step on other people. I tend to think my time is more important than their time. I tend to be rude and even a bit self-absorbed.

Shocking, I know.

I was keenly reminded of my need to slow down when I was helping my father set up his new computer. He was adding a favorite financial website to his desktop, but we couldn’t seem to get his password to work. He had already called customer service and had been given a “temporary password” but we were still locked out of his account. And he was frustrated.

So I told him, “Just call customer service back. I’m sure they can straighten it out.”

He dialed customer service. He got re-routed. He tried to explain. And he got frustrated again. I could hear a woman named “Lori” on the other end of the phone.

“Sir, I already gave you the temporary password. You must be typing it in wrong.”

I could tell Lori was in a hurry, and she was getting annoyed with his repeated calls.

This old guy doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. I already gave him the temporary password, and he probably can’t type.

Enter Lawyer Daughter.

My blood was starting to boil. Instinctively, I ripped the phone out of his hands. I tried to explain that the temporary password wasn’t working, but Lori didn’t want to hear it. She became even more annoyed with me. (And, no, she wasn’t about to give me her last name.)

After several rounds of trouble shooting and two more calls to Lori, we finally convinced her to slow down and listen. It wasn’t the password that was the problem, and together we figured out that the account just needed an adjustment.

Lori wasn’t so bad after all. And I can’t blame her for being in a hurry. (Heck, she probably gets paid on how many calls she takes a day.)

Some days, I feel a lot like Lori. Some days, I need to slow down and listen.

Should You Ask God For A Sign This Christmas?

2010-12-20T22:09:00.000-05:00

It's the season of signs. And the virgin birth is one of the greatest signs of all times – foretold over 700 years before the birth of Jesus. So, how did this sign come about? Did somebody ask for it?

Just the opposite.

Back in the 8th Century BC, when the virgin birth was foretold through the prophet Isaiah, God actually tells King Ahaz to ask for a sign.

Ask the Lord your God for a sign. (Isaiah 7:10-11)

Remarkably, Ahaz blows God off.

“I will not ask; I will not put the Lord to the test.” (Isaiah 7:12)

On its face, it sounds like a pretty good answer. After all, who wants to test God? Maybe we shouldn’t bother him by asking him for signs.

But deep down, Ahaz didn’t want a sign. Underneath his pious answer, he was probably thinking, I don’t need to hear from God. I already have it figured out. I'm going to get out of this mess without God's help.

Let’s just say God wasn’t very happy with his response. The prophet Isaiah scolds Ahaz, “Will you try the patience of my God also?” (v. 13b)

But God doesn’t stop there. He goes on to reveal his master plan. He tells Ahaz about the sign of all signs.

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. (v. 14)

But Ahaz misses it. He acts against the counsel of Isaiah. He strikes a deal with his enemies, the Assyrians. They turn on him. And history tells us that it costs him his kingdom.

All because he wouldn’t ask for a sign.
The good news? God doesn’t stop with Ahaz. Some 700 years later, he brings the sign to pass through a young virgin. With or without Ahaz, he continues his plan.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to be like Ahaz. Maybe it's time to ask for a sign.

Why not ask God to show up this Christmas?

Suffering From Holiday Guilt?

2010-12-17T07:00:00.001-05:00

Something has gone terribly wrong. Christmas – the sacred holiday that is supposed to celebrate freedom and grace -- has become poisoned with guilt. And I’m not just talking about ordinary guilt. I’m talking about deep-seeded, lingering guilt that keeps people up at night.

Here are a few recent examples.

A young mother won’t be enjoying Christmas morning with her husband and four children. Why not? Her mother-in-law insists on hosting Christmas Eve out of town. Never mind that the children won’t be nestled in their beds when Santa is supposed to arrive!
Another mother just couldn’t find the time to make homemade Christmas cookies. She buys some store-bought dough and her husband jabs “That’s what bad mommies do!”
A colleague in her 30’s finds herself still exchanging gifts with her adult cousins. She suggests that, in lieu of gifts, they make a charitable donation in memory of their grandparents. She is accused of trampling on family traditions and dishonoring the dead.
A child is crushed when he finds out that another boy in his class has given his teacher an almost-identical Christmas present. He is embarrassed and ashamed of his gift, especially since the other boy’s gift is much nicer.
A group of colleagues plan a Christmas lunch. Only the “cool” people are invited, and the office nerd feels hurt and left out. He vows to drop his unwelcoming colleagues from his Christmas card list next year!

I could go on. And on.

Is Christmas guilt getting the best of you this year? If so, try replacing it with some holiday grace. After all, Christmas is about salvation and freedom. Start acting like it!

The Working Mom’s Guide To Saying Yes!

2010-12-13T14:32:00.000-05:00

This post was supposed to be about saying NO! After all, if you’re a working mom, the word no probably isn’t in your vocabulary. Most of us need to draw some serious boundaries.

So why on earth am I writing a post about saying yes?

It’s simple. We need to start saying yes first. We need to start saying yes to the things that are really important.

Ok, maybe it’s a bit more complicated than it sounds. I’ll admit, I really don’t have this whole yes/no thing figured out. But I do know that I’ve probably had it backwards. And I don’t think I’m alone.

Most weeks, I let my schedule fill up with lots of “stuff.” Most of this stuff is good -- ranging from work, school, activities, exercise – but at the end of the week I find myself asking, What did I really accomplish?

I’m not suggesting that my daily routine isn’t productive or worthy of my time. I am suggesting it’s not always intentional.

And this holiday season – when my schedule typically blazes out of control – I want to be intentional. So, how does this translate into saying yes?

[Click here to continue reading at Work, Wife, Mom ... Life!]

Are You A Social Media Loner?

2010-12-10T07:00:00.002-05:00

Most of my friends don’t blog. Few of my family members use social media. My husband has vowed to never join Twitter or Facebook. (And my kids are too young to participate!)

The result? I’m a social media loner.

And those of us who are loners need to think through our options.

Option #1 Beg Your Family and Friends to Join You

You’re a constant nag. You frequently beg your family and friends to join the blogging world. You apply peer pressure and say things like “You don’t know what you’re missing out on!” and “When are you going to join the 21st Century?”

Option #2 Hide Your Social Media Use

Nagging hasn’t worked. You’re tired of begging, so you simply act like you’re not a social media junkie. You downplay (or hide) your online activity -- “I’m just finishing up some work again. Me? Blogging again? Of course not!”

Option #3 Set Boundaries

Your family and friends think you’ve gone mad. They’ve attempted an intervention. So you set some serious boundaries. You turn off your blog on the weekends. You don’t Tweet at the dinner table. And even though you miss out on a few posts, it’s worth the trade off.

Option #4 Live in Two Worlds

You’re comfortable in your social media skin. Hey, it’s just another part of your life. You let your family and friends know that, while they are welcome to join you, they will never be replaced by your online world. You choose to lead an “integrated” life.

Are you a social media loner? If so, what are your coping mechanisms?

Have a good weekend!

Why I’m Just Saying “No”

2010-12-06T07:00:00.003-05:00

It’s not in my nature to say “no.”

But this is the time of year when something has to give. When I can’t do everything I love to do. When I have to set some serious boundaries.

What are some of the things I’m saying "no" to?

Here’s the short list:

I’m not spending time in shopping malls and check-out lines.
I'm not putting bows on my presents (wrapping is also optional).
I’m not making a business trip to New York this week (even though I really wanted to!).
I'm not going to be able to get my hair colored before Christmas.
I’m not in charge of my kids’ holiday parties at school (but I am planning to show up unannounced and empty-handed).
I’m not blogging as frequently this month (even though I really miss it!).

So, you might not hear as much from me in the coming weeks. (Heck, I might even re-circulate some old blog posts from last Christmas and completely check out.) Just please don’t take my short-term "no" as long-term disinterest.

What are you saying "no" to this Christmas?

It's Time To Wake Up!

2010-11-29T07:00:00.002-05:00

Do you still have that Thanksgiving hangover? The feeling like you ate too much, slept too much, and need to recharge your body and brain?

Me too. Fortunately, Advent has arrived – just in time to usher me out of my Tryptophan stupor.

Don’t get me wrong, Tryptophan -- an essential amino acid found in turkey – isn’t all bad. It helps your body produce the B-vitamin niacin, which, in turn, helps produce serotonin, a necessary chemical that acts as a calming agent in the brain and helps you sleep.

But if we’re not careful, some of us can sleep right through the holidays. I think you know what I mean.

Let’s face it, December is already a dark month – the days are shorter, the leaves are dead, and the sun rarely peaks its head out of the clouds here in the Midwest. Sure, the Christmas carols are playing, but it’s easy to walk through the shopping malls like zombies. It’s easy to just go through the motions.

This is where Advent comes in. In my church, we started the first Sunday of Advent (yesterday) by talking about John the Baptist.

Who is John the Baptist? To start, he’s Jesus’ first cousin. A prophet. A trailblazer. A wild man who ate honey and wild locusts. A homeless guy who lived in the wilderness and said things like “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near!”

You might be asking yourself, What do I have in common with John the Baptist? He sounds like a lunatic.

Maybe so, but stick with me. God still uses wild men and woman to wake us up, especially when we’re walking around like spiritual zombies. Sure, our 21st Century “wilderness” might look like check-out lines and traffic jams – but it’s still the wilderness.

And John the Baptist knew a few things about living in the wilderness -- it’s like living forever in the month of December. Day after day – everything is dead, the sun never shines, and it’s easier just to roll over and go back to sleep. Like you’ve had too much Tryptophan.

But something is coming. Someone is coming. We don’t want to miss it, so we have to wake up.

It’s time to throw out the leftover turkey.

The Last (In Line) Shall Be First

2010-11-26T07:00:00.001-05:00

Do you really want to do something radical? Do you want people to notice that you aren’t just another selfish person living for the moment? Then let someone cut in line today.

Most people hate waiting in line. Including me. I’m one of those people who tries to “help” the person behind the register (even when there are five people in front of me) by offering to do a price check or suggesting that we call another department or open a new line.

Waiting tends to get the best of me. Especially when it’s unexpected.

Last week, I dropped Nick off for his “make-up” piano lesson -- a 30-minute wait that I wasn’t looking forward to. When we arrived, Nick no sooner sat down at the piano when another student (and another impatient mother) arrived.

The teacher had double-booked the slot! And one of us would have to wait another 30 minutes for the lesson to start.

So, did I do the mature thing and offer to go second? Not exactly. Nick had already started playing and I thought to myself, It’s a good thing we got here first.

But the other mother started ranting and raving about how she had so many errands to run, and the teacher was doing his best to be fair. So he said, “Let’s flip a coin, and the student who wins the toss can choose to go first or second.”

We couldn’t argue with the coin toss.

The teacher flipped the coin, and the other student won – fair and square. Rats! Nick and I would have to wait. So the teacher turned to the student and said, “Would you like to go first?”

To our surprise, she looked at Nick and replied, “No, I’ll go second.”

And then, her mother gave her the look of terror. A look that said, What are you thinking? A look that said, Can’t you see how busy I am? A look that said, How stupid can you be?

This sweet child -- who was more gracious than any of the adults involved -- was now both embarrassed and belittled. And I was started to get this yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach. So I walked over to the piano chair, grabbed Nick by the coat and took him outside to wait.

I turned to Nick and said, “Remember, the last shall be first and the first shall be last.”

He just smiled and said, “Let’s go to Starbucks, Mom.”

Is Nothing Really Something?

2010-11-22T07:00:00.001-05:00

I love unexpected windows. And I don’t just open them, I usually jump right through them.
What kind of windows am I talking about? For the most part, it’s unplanned blocks of time that I didn’t anticipate.

A couple of weeks ago, I took the day off for “oral surgery.” I was dreading the day for several reasons. For the record, I really hate going to the dentist. I also hate doing “nothing." It would be a lost day – a big waste of time!

After an early surgery, I was surprised to be sitting at home at 9:30 a.m. And I didn’t really feel that bad. I was too drugged to work. No clients were expecting me to return calls. No kids were expecting me to take care of them. Nobody had a single expectation on my time. Not even me.

Wow, an unexpected window. A free day. A day to do nothing.

But wait a minute. I hate doing nothing! I know, I know, I need to get with the program. Nothing is in. Even a recent Harvard Business Blog talks about the benefits of doing nothing. But it still doesn't come easy for me. Nothing is hard work.

It's one thing to enjoy an unexpected window when you have a clear head (and a working jaw). It's another thing when you are stuck with an ice pack and a fat lip.

So, did I just sit and do nothing? Of course not. I was getting really bored, so I decided to go to lunch with Doug. So what if I couldn’t eat – I’ve never been very good at following doctor’s orders, and I was starting to get hungry. Plus, I had to make the most of my newly found commodity. Time.

But lunch didn't taste very good. I thought about shopping, but my head was really spinning. So I went home and sat in silence. That's right, I did a little bit of nothing. And it felt really good. The day went incredibly slow. And then it was over. And then I asked myself where the time doing nothing had gone.

I’m the kind of person that never plans to do nothing. But sometimes God gives me unexpected windows. And then I’m reminded that nothing is really something.

Nothing is pure grace.

I’m Worried About Bob

2010-11-19T07:00:00.002-05:00

Last week, I got a call from a friend who had just lost his job. I’ll call him Bob. I’m really worried about him.

I’ve had friends lose their jobs before – between lay-offs, terminations, and down-sizings – but this was different.

Bob got blind-sighted. And Bob lived for his job.

In fact, Bob gave up everything for his job. His hobbies. His marriage. Even his health. So you can imagine his state of utter and complete panic when he called to tell me he had just been fired. What was I supposed to say?

Bob, I tried to tell you a year ago that your job was sucking the life out of you.

Bob, maybe you should get on your hands and knees and beg your wife to take you back.

Bob, I’m sure this all happened for a reason. I’ll be praying for you.

Bob, you need to file a lawsuit. I’ll find you a lawyer.

I just couldn’t find the right words. So I listened.

Bob used to go to church on a regular basis, but I’m not real sure where his spiritual life is headed these days. I hope and pray that his new-found circumstances will get him thinking. What’s important? What am I living for? Is a job worth risking everything?

I still worry about Bob.

Would You Get Plastic Surgery?

2010-11-17T10:48:00.000-05:00

Would you get plastic surgery to advance your career? That’s the question today on Working Mommy Wednesday.

This is an easy answer for me.

“No.”

Now, before you conclude that I’m a spiritual giant who is only interested in inner beauty (and believes plastic surgery is only for the vain and shallow people among us) think again.

My objection to plastic surgery has more to do with my aversion most types of medical procedures. I can’t stand the sight of blood. I don’t tolerate pain very well. And most medication makes me ill.

The last time I stayed overnight in a hospital I tried to sneak out early. The only problem? I had a newborn with me, and it was pretty hard to keep her quiet. So the nurses almost called security….

Sure, there are other reasons to avoid plastic surgery – like the time and money that could be better spent elsewhere (like on starving children across the world!) – but I really try not to judge other people who sign up for tummy tucks and liposuction. After all, if I made a living on stage or in front of a camera I might feel differently.

As much as I tell my daughters “God only cares about what you look like on the inside” the fact of the matter is we live in a society that is driven by appearances. While our security and identity shouldn't rest on how we look, ever the research shows that appearances can affect the way people treat us (and even our ability to earn a living).

If plastic surgery was cheap, fast, and easy I just might do it. After all, I dye my hair on a regular basis and I’m not opposed to wrinkle cream.

What’s the difference?

My Dad Turns 80 Today!

2010-11-16T01:00:00.004-05:00

My dad turns 80 today. So I decided to interview him right here on the blog. Please leave him a comment and wish him a great day!

How does it feel to be 80?

(Long pause.) When you say 80, that doesn’t mean much to me. I think back on my life, and I’ve had a good life. Many blessings. A great family. A wonderful family. Years don’t mean anything to me. I have had health struggles, but I don’t blame it on age. I’m very happy with life.

What are some of the biggest changes you’ve seen in your lifetime?

The speed of life today is frightening. Everyone is in a big hurry. Technology is great, but we have too much communication with the internet and TV. Like when we watched the miners being rescued in Chile. Years ago, we would read about it a week later.
I am bothered by how people treat each other. There is a loss of respect. People have forgotten how to get along and live with other people.
There have also been a lot of good changes. Living today is very comfortable compared to years ago.

What was is like growing up in the Depression?

I always had something to eat. I know that my mother and dad struggled a lot. My mother struggled with health problems. My dad had a hard time finding work. I remember him going out and trying to do any kind of work – fixing a car or planting a tree. Around the mid-30’s, my father found a job in the steel mill and things got better. WWII created work – factories needed to supply tanks, planes, and ammunition to our Allies. Things got pretty good then.

What’s the greatest lesson you learned from your parents?

My parents taught me that family was very important. My parents and my grandparents were always pro-family. I’ve tried to duplicate their way of living.
My parents were always honest in their feelings and they loved each other.

Your parents were married almost 60 years and you’ve been married 54 years. What’s the secret to a great marriage?

A great woman.

What are some of your most vivid memories?

Dating your mother. After retiring, going places with my wife and traveling. Doing things and going places we always dreamed about.

If you could do it all over again, would you do anything differently?

I would make sure I had a college degree. I wouldn’t have spent so much money on automobiles.

You’re Navy veteran. What does being a veteran mean to you?

Being very proud that I spent time in the Navy. Doing duty for my country. I made 32 round trips across the Pacific. We were taking troops to Korea and rotating troops to different islands during the Korean War. The Navy gave me schooling opportunities – I chose weather forecasting school in Lakehurst, NJ. Even today I can read weather maps and tell you what the weather is going to be like.

What’s your greatest accomplishment?

We have five wonderful daughters who are all happily married. My daughters are all different, but they are all special in their own ways. We have 14 grandchildren. They are all special in their own ways. I’m very happy. I think that God has blessed me richly with my wonderful wife and family.

Is there anything you still wish you could do?

I wish I had the strength to play golf. To walk on the beach. To work in the yard. To just to have the ability to get around.

What’s the best advice you can give to younger generations?

Be honest with yourself as well as others. Know both your capabilities and your limits. Make sure you diversity – don’t put everything in one basket. Don’t forget God in your life.

How did your faith become stronger over the years?

I have to give a lot of credit to my wife. She never gave up.

Is there anything you would like to say to the blogging world?

Be very careful. There’s people out there who are looking for others to make a mistake. There are people out there who looking to criticize and misuse what you say.

**********

Happy Birthday Dad, and thanks for a great interview! (For more posts about my dad, see How An Old-Fashioned Father Father Raised Five Loyal Daughters and Thanks For Fighting Dad. )

What Would Your Co-Workers Say About You?

2010-11-10T11:19:00.000-05:00

When I first saw this prompt for Working Mommy Wednesday, I thought, Maybe I’ll just ask. You know, I could send an email to my co-workers asking, “Just tell me what you think about me, so I can blog about it.”

But that wouldn’t be fair. That would ruin all the fun. So here goes.

My coworkers would probably say that I like being in charge. I have specific ideas about how things should be done. My way! And, while I try to be open minded and listen to others, it can be pretty difficult to change my mind. You have to be persuasive. Expect some push back.

Another thing about me? I can be a control freak. While I’m all for delegation (because, if done right, it can involve me doing less work), I expect things to be done at a certain standard. I have a passion for excellence. And, while I’ve gotten much better at delegation over the last few years, I’m better at telling people what to do than showing them how to do it. Training takes time and patience, and I’m not a teacher by nature. I’m a doer. So, unless you’re a mind reader, you’re probably not going to know exactly what I expect from you. Sorry.

My co-workers would also say that I push the envelope. A little too much. I’m known to over commit and over book. I work best under tight deadlines so I’m not going to focus on something unless I really need to. But when I do become focused and get in “the zone” I can be a little cranky.

Last but certainly not least, I really like to have fun at work. And sometimes, when circumstances don’t cooperate, you have to make lemonade out of lemons. (And then drink the entire pitcher!) I have little tolerance for people who always see the glass half empty.

I hope my co-workers would say that I lead by example. That I admit my mistakes. That I’m willing to take one for the team, even if it’s at my own expense.

What do you think your co-workers would say about you? (Maybe I need to just participate in one of those 360 evaluations and find out the truth!)

Are Online Relationships Real?

2010-11-08T07:00:00.000-05:00

Remember when you were a kid, and you had imaginary friends? Remember when grown-ups thought you were crazy?

That’s how I feel sometimes as a blogger.

Last week, I was speaking to a group of intelligent women, trying to explain some of the intangible benefits of my writing.

“The most incredible part of blogging is some of the new friends I’ve met.”

I went on to explain. “I consider many other bloggers dear friends. Some of these friends encourage me on a daily basis.”

I noticed a few blank stares in the audience.

They must think I’m crazy. Maybe I am!

After all, a year ago, I would have told me I was crazy. You can’t have real relationships online, can you? Relationships where people don’t actually meet in person. Where people hide behind computer screens (where they can conveniently hide their faults and annoying personalities).

Other bloggers don’t smell. They don’t show up at my doorstep unexpected. They don’t put demands on my time. They don’t ask me to help with carpool duty or bake cookies for the Election Day bake sale (yeah, I forgot to sign up again this year).

How can a relationship be real when it is completely on my terms? When I’m the one in control? When it doesn’t involve sacrifice?

Maybe online relationships are imaginary after all. After all, I can just turn them off with a power button.

But wait a minute. Smelly or not, my online friendships have stretched me, that's for sure. No one is pointing a gun to my head, yet I’m pushing myself to read other blogs, write encouraging comments, and even meet deadlines. I’m not just pushing myself to write, I’m pushing myself to connect. And while I probably started blogging in search of fans, the wonderful truth is that I’ve found some friends instead.

And friends are worth it. Online or not.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

2010-11-05T10:06:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I received a really great email. It was from a woman I had just met. A woman who had just picked up a copy of Chasing Superwoman.

“Wow, I just read the first 20 pages and even though I don’t have small children and am not particularly religious, your writing is still talking to me!”

Why did this email mean so much?

Here’s the quick background.

This week, I attended a conference of women lawyers and spoke about Chasing Superwoman. And I was pretty nervous. What would my peers (and my client!) think about me when I opened up my soul? Would they think I was too religious? Even a Jesus freak?

For the record, women lawyers are a tough group. (I know, I’m one of them.) Which is why I was a little scared to share my story. In fact, the woman who sent me the email told me straight up that she was initially reluctant to open my book – yeah, it seemed a little too “religious.” (I was more than thrilled when she went on to say she didn’t find my writing to be preachy or judgmental – so she kept reading!)

Stepping out of your comfort zone usually involves some risk. Even some uncertainty. There’s no guarantee people will respond the way you want them to. In fact, every time I put myself “out there” I usually have a few second thoughts.

Why don’t I just play it safe? Why do I have to push the envelope? What if it backfires?

I still have a lot to learn about stepping out of my comfort zone. But one thing’s for sure. It keeps life interesting, doesn’t it?

In this case, I even made a new friend.